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When Church Isn’t Safe

Fourth grade was a nightmare for me. I was isolated and ostracized. I was excluded and ignored. I didn’t have one friend that I felt safe with. I avoided situations and certain hallways. I checked my self over and over. I was self-conscious about ever move I made. I came home and as the door closed behind me, the tears unleashed.

That was 4th grade.

What do we do when it isn’t elementary school but it is church?

Several years ago an older sister said to me, “I have never had a soft place to fall here.” Those words revisit me and trouble me over and over. Isn’t that the exact opposite of  what church is supposed to be?

Too often in the body of Christ, groups form.  Our prejudices build walls. And those on the other side of the wall feel less like family and more like outsiders. They feel like they can’t be real. They can’t be themselves. They can’t be flawed and be accepted. They simply don’t feel like they have a soft place to fall.

No matter what name you put on a church, a church like that isn’t a church that belongs to Christ.

A church of Christ must be known for its supernatural love.

 

Christ said, “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:35

I may speak in different languages, whether human or even of angels. But if I don’t have love, I am only a noisy bell or a ringing cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy, I may understand all secrets and know everything there is to know, and I may have faith so great that I can move mountains. But even with all this, if I don’t have love, I am nothing.  I may give away everything I have to help others, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned. But I gain nothing by doing all this if I don’t have love…

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (from 1 Cor. 13)

The love that motivates and emanates from Jesus’ church is greater than spiritual gifts. It is greater than faith. It is greater than hope.

A church of Christ should never play favorites.

 

But if you favor some people over others, you are committing a sin. You are guilty of breaking the law. Jam. 2:9

In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. 1 Cor 12:22

Whether it’s the preacher, wealthy members or someone popular, we can’t play favorites,  excluding  others from their place of honor in Christ’s family.

A church of Christ does not turn a blind eye to sin.

 

If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them.  For people like that have turned away from the truth, and their own sins condemn them. Titus 3:10-11

Sometimes we let things slide because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feeling, offend them or chase them off.  But if someone in the church is dividing it with loveless actions,  they must be stopped.

 

A church of Christ savors their forgiveness and offers it to others.

 

Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.  Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Cor.6:9-11

You can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins. Jam. 5:20

Do you wake up each day to drink in salvation? Do you suck the marrow out of mercy each morning? You have been cleansed and made holy when you deserved death. When you truly absorb the depth of that truth, you will passionately pursue sinners, create unity and offer comfort to fellow sojourners.

 

A church of Christ chooses Christians over the world.

 

Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 2 Cor 6:14

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. 1 John 2:15

Sometimes I think the church doesn’t love each other enough because we don’t hate the world enough. If we truly felt like outcasts in the world like we ought to, we’d be running to refuge in the body of Christ.

 

A church of Christ values spiritual fellowship above all else.

 

The fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Cor: 13:14

And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity— all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved. Acts 2:44-47

Jesus’ blood is thicker than water. There should be nothing that creates a tighter bond than sharing in the eternal grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. Nothing should create more comradery than sharing the mission of Jesus to seek and save the lost. Nothing in this life should speak Jesus louder to the lost and dying world than the inseparable fellowship of Christ’s church.

 If your church isn’t that, it isn’t a church of Christ.

 

 

May 20, 2014Serena
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Comments: 16
  1. Debbie Mccord
    11 years ago

    well put

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  2. Joan
    11 years ago

    Thank you. We all need to hear this and examine our hearts to see if we are the ones causing others pain. Let love rule.

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  3. Anonymous
    11 years ago

    I have felt this way in our church “family”. We swapped from one side of the building to the other because I have not felt good in my own skin, and when I would pass by a certain family and smile, they act like I am not even there. I have felt like that from more than one family. We do have some major cliques in the congregation, although I’m not sure they are as prominent as they use to be though. Our preacher and his family were hit several times with cancer. People offered all the time to make food and just made food for them. When we lost our baby, only our care group leaders wife asked if we needed anything. NO else offered or even just made anything for us. One of the daughters of the preacher said she wished people would just stop asking if we need food. I was floored….and saddened at the same time. That really bothered me. I know there are favorites in our congregation. It is evident on more than one occasion. No, I do not just sit back and not participate. I have been going to this congregation for many years now. I am very active. I try not to let this make me bitter, but it hurts a lot. I honestly do not feel like I have anyone there that I could really talk to or lean on. It’s really sad.

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    • Serena
      11 years ago

      I am so sorry. Pray and ask the Lord if the body still holds it’s lampstand. If it does, give them this message. If they don’t repent Jesus will remove his blessings, both earthly and eternal.

      “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches. Rev. 2:4-5

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    • Anon2
      11 years ago

      I understand how you feel. I left a group that was wonderful to those chosen few but didn’t care about others who were outside in the inner circle. We found through pray that God had a different path for our lives that included a new church home and a new path.

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    • Ferho
      11 years ago

      This makes me so sad. I thought it was just me who had these issues. 9 years at our church and I still do not feel like I fit in well. Sigh. To hear that others have this struggle makes me feel better knowing I am not necessarily the problem and keeps me trying to reach out to others who seem to be on the outside looking in at church.

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  4. Kathy Cooper-Boyle
    11 years ago

    Sometime when others don’t that’s the time for us to do. When another doesn’t smile and say hello, it’s the time for us to put out our hand with a smile and shout ‘hi there’….when others don’t organize food for a needy brother or sister it’s time for us to step up and do it, so that others are encouraged by us. If there’s not enough love being shown step up your example of love, not enough affection be more affectionate, not enough compassion start being the most compassionate….sometimes we need to take our eyes off the shortcomings of those around us and take up the battle on the front lines by doing and being an example and remember….all eyes on Christ our King! Hugs & Love!!!

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    • Lori
      11 years ago

      Kathy, Amen.

      This article is excellent, and I don’t want to take anything at all away from its crucial message. I’m also not specifically directing that to anyone who has commented here — I don’t know any of you or your situations. I just want to add that it is equally vital for each member of the body to do a lot of self-examination before deciding that the problem is with everyone else. Sometimes when I feel like “I’m the only one who doesn’t fit in,” it is because the others really are self-absorbed and uncaring, but sometimes it is, frankly, because of *me.* Again, please no I’m not trying to kick anyone when she is down. It’s just that it is a truth that some people are their own worst enemy, and there is only so much that others, with the best will in the world, can do to help that. I know this. I have been my own worst enemy, and I have been the person accused of not reaching out enough when I was doing all I knew to do. In both positions, a person needs a healthy helping of grace and mercy AND the self-knowledge to grow.

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      • Lori
        11 years ago

        Whew! There are some typos in that comment. Hope it makes sense anyway.

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      • Serena
        11 years ago

        I totally agree. And some times we look for the church to fill a void that only Jesus can fill.

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      • Ferho
        11 years ago

        Sigh. Good to know that people actually think I want to be on the outside looking in. As if I have not prayed about this and dug deep already. I suppose now, it will be because of hidden sin or some other such drivel that this happens as well.

        FWIW, you just gave a whole bunch of people an excuse to not worry about trying to include/welcome others into their cliques. Now they can just blame the person not in their group.

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        • Lori
          11 years ago

          No, I didn’t do that. Truth is truth. Sometimes the truth is that a group or clique is excluding someone either knowingly or unknowingly. Sometimes the truth is that someone’s behavior or attitude makes genuine, delighted-to-spend-time-with-you relationships all but impossible. Sometimes, probably MOST of the time, the truth is that the problem is some of both.

          None of my comment was directed to you, Ferho. I am sorry I hurt you, however. I appreciate what you said in your first comment about how your own experiences make you more careful to reach out to others.

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          • Ferho
            11 years ago

            Actually, you did do that. Truth is truth, after all. People look for excuses for their behavior all the time.

            Your comment may not have been specifically directed at me, but I am certain that many of us struggling with this right now feel like we have been slapped in the face. Yes, we need to make sure we are not negative nelly’s, but hopefully, some will find it in their hearts to love and spend time with them as well. Who knows what changes we can bring about, right?

            Excusing ourselves from including others because we don’t like someone’s behaviors/attitudes is just plain wrong. Mind you, I am not talking about behaviors that put us or our families in harms way. There are little idiosyncrasies that some people have that may make us nutty. I get it. But, sometimes, people cannot stop doing those things (some meds even cause them!).

            We all spend time with people who are less than delightful – whether it be at work, church, or family. If one finds that they are excluding people from their group, one needs to take a good, hard look within their hearts and spend some time on their knees to make certain they are not excluding people without just cause (ie child molesters or others who present a physical danger to their family). Ultimately, we could be the person who makes or breaks the chance of a person searching out Christ as their Lord and Savior. People leave churches and never come back because of things like this. Sometimes they don’t bother to go to church ever again. I can understand why they would feel that way. Sometimes, because of the behavior of the church body, people walk away from Christ himself. We need to tread ever so carefully with the mindset of blaming others for our (in)actions.

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  5. Lori
    11 years ago

    I totally agree with you Ferho. I’m not sure if you are taking what I said much stronger than I mean it, but I expect we are more on the same page than you think. I am sorry my comment has caused a bad taste in your mouth. I said it with a genuine desire to help ALL of us examine ourselves and grow.

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  6. Beckye
    10 years ago

    I found this on my pinterest today. I need to be reminded of this. It is a take head lest you fall moment

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  7. Hannah
    10 years ago

    Such a great post. I attended a church that was a complete clique. If you were even the slightest bit different they would pick you out to ignore and talk badly of. The pastor was awful about taking his sermons and creating them to be about one specific member or family and preach his personal agenda against while poorly manipulating the scripture references he chose to use. He chose sides in situations constantly. There was never an effort to mediate and to help a situation to be resolved or healed, he simply chose a side he wanted to be on and then persecuted the other.
    There is also a problem in the churches today where they don’t tend their own flock first. I am not saying to ignore the needs and problems around us but as a pastor and a community you make a commitment to each other, to that covenant. A situation came up at the church I was attending where my brother had been in a life threatening accident that broke his femur and left him incapable of working for months. He was married and had bills and responsibilities. He and his wife had to move back in with my parents and give up there apartment. This was a time where you would think the church community would come together and help instead the “the Session” as they call their leaders, offered to “loan” my brother $400. Aside from the fact that the church is not a bank and should not conduct themselves as a business they offered a sum of money that would have paid one bill. And he had months and months of bills and payments to make before he would go back to making an income. In the meantime the church is taking up (aside from regular tithe) a special fund for new dentures for a pastor in Russia. Yet my brother is left out in the cold. To further show how they felt about my family, maybe three people out of a church of over 100 members offered to make a meal to bring to my parents while my brother was laid up and one of the women was the deacon’s wife and she actually told my mom she had no time to bring it could she come pick it up. ( the lady lived 35 miles away). It would have been easier on my mom to just make a meal herself.
    It’s sad and it is in no way an example or witness to others that aren’t Christians.

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Serena
11 years ago 18 Comments Christ-followers & Culture, Christian Life, Friendships, The Church, Uncategorizedchurch, fellowship, forgiveness, grace, love2,046
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