What Does The Bible Say About Spanking?

paddleTo discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.

I’ll admit that this is a bible teaching that has been a struggle for me. When I have been in a war of the wills with a toddler who refuses to comply or a child who willfully disobeys, mustering up the courage to discipline, especially by force, is hard for me. Really hard. I mean, I don’t want to scar them or heaven forbid, not like me.

Spanking seems so… harsh.

In my experimental parenting I have learned something. I should model my parenting after the only perfect parent- God.

Dt. 8:5

Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good.

Heb. 12:5-11

And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said,

“My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and don’t give up when he corrects you.
For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever?

For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

Rev. 3:19 

I correct and discipline everyone I love. 

Is. 38:16

Lord, your discipline is good, for it leads to life and health. 

2 Sam. 7:13

I will be his father, and he will be my son. If he sins, I will correct and discipline him with the rod, like any father would do. 

 God’s discipline:

  • Is with Love
  • Shows his parental claim
  • Is painful
  • Is good
  • Is holy
  • Is done with a rod of correction ( Click here for more on the “rod of correction.” )

But that’s God right? Not me? How can I parent like God? Am I supposed to spank?

Eph. 6:4

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

1 Kings 1:6

About that time David’s son Adonijah… began boasting, “I will make myself king.” So he provided himself with chariots and charioteers and recruited fifty men to run in front of him.  Now his father, King David, had never disciplined him at any time, even by asking, “Why are you doing that?” 

Prov. 13:24

Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.

Prov. 19:18

Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

Prov. 20:30

Physical punishment cleanses away evil;  such discipline purifies the heart.

Prov. 22:15

A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away.

Prov. 23:13-14

Don’t fail to discipline your children.They won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death.

My Discipline:

  • Should not be in anger
  • Done with God
  • Purposed for salvation
  • Is a must
  • Will purify their hearts
  • Drive out evil
  • Prove my love

So what does the bible say about spanking? Do it. But do it the right way.

I thew out the methods pop psychology and modern parenting a long time ago. I am not trying to raise nice kids or successful kids. I am not even trying to raise good citizens. I am raising kingdom kids. My goal is to raise holy children, set apart children. My goal is to send out an army of children who love Jesus and who are passionately pursuing his mission to save the world. So for that I will take a chance. I will risk my comfort and walk in obedience even when I don’t get it. I will raise my kids God’s way.

For practical discipline check out Chip Ingram’s The Biblical Approach To Spanking.

 

 

Serena
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Comments: 45
  1. jane ann
    11 years ago

    I think that some equate spanking with abuse. They do not understand the difference. But I have to say that I dont like the belt as a punishment tool.I think it has a purpose to hold up pants and not hit a kids behind

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  2. ang
    11 years ago

    thanks for this. all I have time for lately is to browse your topics and hope to come back and read it. I’m resting today and was able to read this one. thank you it is very encouraging. keep up the good work, sister. raising Jesus loving children is not easy, but with His help and guidance, we can do it. I too am encouraged by Chip Ingram. I have something called “spiritual discipline” a friend gave me from him that I have yet to check out. applying God’s Word to today’s parenting isn’t easy. this kind of stuff helps.

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  3. 11 years ago

    I’m sure your godly example is also doing amazing things for your children!

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  4. DG
    11 years ago

    When I was a child I was spanked, very normally, it was never abusive. However, I have always found spanking to be sexual, even as a child. I always get very uncomfortable when people spank or even threaten to spank their children around me. I could never spank my own children for this reason. I also remember times when I was spanked and today, at 28 years old, I still get upset at being physically touched. I would never want my children to grow up feeling this way about their past discipline. There are plenty of other options. Also, children in foster care are never to be spanked. Every parent is to raise their children as they see fit, I certainly can’t judge. I just don’t want people to look at those who choose not to spank as people who aren’t raising children “God’s way.”

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  5. Susan
    11 years ago

    “I am not trying to raise nice kids or successful kids. I am not even trying to raise good citizens. I am raising kingdom kids.”

    So if your kingdom kids are jerks, that’s okay? I’m sure I must be missing something here.

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    • 11 years ago

      I would say that jerky kids don’t represent Jesus very well.

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  6. Liss
    11 years ago

    I agree with DG.

    Spanking doesn’t have to equal abuse, but discipline doesn’t have to equal spanking. My kids are adequately managed with time-outs and natural consequences. It can be done.

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  7. Kristen
    11 years ago

    http://nospank.net/sexdngrs.htm

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  8. 11 years ago

    I think what has also been missed in the article is that spanking violates the nonviolent teachings of Jesus. What much of what is in the OT promoted violence, Jesus taught a new way that forbids the use of violence. Here is a good piece on that: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thepangeablog/2014/02/12/rod-spank-parent-rachel-boldwyn/

    Also, please do not EVER spank your adopted children folks! You do not know their whole story. Spanking adopted children will often re-traumatize in ways that you will never fully understand and can also severely disrupt attachment which can affect all of their relationships for life. Please reconsider folks– there’s a way to raise healthy, well adjusted children without resorting to the laziness of violence.

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    • 11 years ago

      As an adoptive parent, I do agree with you on your latter point.

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      • Amy
        11 years ago

        So agree! There really is no need to spank! Jesus came to tell us how some of the OLD testament ways are not what God wants. Love your babies and never spank on them.

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      • Sara
        11 years ago

        Great! Now apply it to the children that you birthed, as well. No need to be violent towards any children.

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  9. Katherine
    11 years ago

    Spanking has been shown to significantly raise the chance of your child being a bully, having other trouble in school, suffering from mental illness, and even (as an adult) commiting sexual abuse crimes or other felonies. I want to help my 17yr son and 1yr daughter avoid all that. You can call it “pop psychology” and try to discount it, but science is the reason you don’t live in fear of polio or typhoid fever. Psycolgy is the reason people with mental illness can be treated and live their lives in freedom. Science is how we know the world isn’t flat. To ignore science is foolish, and it is becoming clearer and clearer that other forms of parenting are significantly better. You set up a false dichotomy: spank or your children will be wild, disrespectful jerks. If you knew anything about attatchment parenting or peaceful parenting, you would know this isn’t true (I am sure there are other forms of non-violent parenting, theses are just the ones I have found work well in our family.) I love what one commenter said about the non-violent teachings of Jesus. If we could only be more like Him…

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    • Katherine
      11 years ago

      DG, the feeling that spankings were sexual even as a kid is a common thing. Even spanking during sex (kinda a very light BDSM) is common. We need to think about that seriously.

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    • Sara
      11 years ago

      I so agree, Katherine.

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  10. Sara
    11 years ago

    Isn’t it telling how many Christians fall back on the wrathful OT God–and not Jesus’ empathy and compassion–when they deal with conflicting situations, even with small children? Let’s get real here: a child being hit does not understand it as something you are doing (supposedly) out of love to “discipline” them–they see a parent who has lost control, who thinks violence is their last option. You’re only driving your child away, or inside themselves, and you will are running the risk of losing their trust, possibly forever. Come up with a better method.

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    • 11 years ago

      Sara, I have a few verses I’d like your take on. You can read the context around them, but my question would be what does Jesus mean in Luke 13:3, Mt. 5:22, Mt. 10:28?

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      • Sara
        11 years ago

        Sigh.Please stop trying to justify hitting your kids. I don’t think Jesus would ever hit a child. If your aim is to be like him, and I assume it is since your religion is named after him, then please stop attempting to solve your problems with violence, especially towards kids. You said yourself that you would never hit an adopted child. So take that one step further. Don’t hit kids. At all. Ever. There are more mature ways to disipline. Ways that are less likely to cause damage later on down the line.

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  11. 11 years ago

    Did you read the verses? Jesus is speaking.

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  12. 11 years ago

    There is a real problem with your logic when you say, “I don’t think Jesus would…” anything. We are in no place to speak for him unless he has spoken it himself. He speaks of a harsh, impending fate for those who don’t take up the cross and follow him.

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    • Sara
      11 years ago

      That’s just the thing. I don’t necessarily think the Bible is infallible. The Bible did not fall down from the heavens, it was written by people. And can you actually list any Bible verses where Jesus said “it is okay to raise a hand to your kids.” Because I don’t think he ever said that. He was a peaceful, nonviolent person.

      I just don’t understand why want to justify this so badly? Are you such a lazy parent that you can’t actually think of a way to disipline your kids without physically hurting them? Absolutely awful.

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  13. 11 years ago

    I think the verses listed in Serena’s post speak for themselves. If you don’t like them, then your issue isn’t with Serena, it’s with God and your distain for His “rules.” So, if you don’t want to agree with God, that’s your choice. He gave us all freedom to choose: to either choose Him OR to follow our own desires and what we “think” is right. If our desire isn’t for our Heavenly Father who knows what’s best for us, then we’re a rebellious child, and we will pay the consequences for our choices. Just like a child will pay the consequences of getting burned if he “chooses” to touch a hot stove after his parent has waned him not to. It’s no different, really. Proverbs 14:12 There is a way that seems right to man, but its end is the way of death.

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    • Sara
      11 years ago

      So all the parents in the world who refuse to hit their kids are going to burn in hell because God really wants us to hit our kids? That makes perfect sense, thanks.

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    • Katherine
      11 years ago

      I do believe the Bible.

      I don’t belive in spanking like I don’t belive the earth is flat. The Bible isn’t a science text book, to to treat it like one is a mistake. Science is showing us that spanking is harmful. Why still do it then?

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      • 11 years ago

        Good question. Are you saying the bible says the earth is flat?

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      • 11 years ago

        God created us, and He created science. He’s the one that told us the earth was a sphere, which took us hundreds of years to figure it out, when it was right there in the Bible for us to READ. Because He made us, He also knows how we humans operate, so I’ll follow His rules on how I ought to care for my children. I don’t trust modern-day scientists as far as I can throw them. They once believed in blood-letting. Not to mention, that the earth was flat. They’ve come a long way since then, but I have a feeling (and can see it) that they still haven’t reached all knowledge. I’m not gonna let these mere humans, who don’t know much at all really, tell me how to discipline my children. I’ll depend on the ALL MIGHTY, thank-you-very-much. 🙂

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  14. 11 years ago

    LOL

    Seriously, if you want to turn it into that, then be my guest. Again, it’s your choice. Just stating the facts. That’s all.

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    • Sara
      11 years ago

      That’s literally what this blog post is about though? She’s quoting those scriptures to show how God disciplines his children. And obviously if God does something then surely we must obey and do the same. So hitting your kids is Godly. Not hitting them is ungodly.

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  15. 11 years ago

    Yes, if God does something, we must obey and do the same. He’s our Creator and knows best how we operate. Why argue with the Person who knows all and is all? If you’ve got a beef with His rules, then take it up with Him.

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  16. 11 years ago

    You know, we ALL disobey God. Every single one of us. So really, we’re all “toast.” This is the whole reason God became one of us and died on the cross to save our hides. He also gave us a list of “rules” for living, just like we’ve given our children rules (not to touch the stove, for example). They’re written for our own good. We may not always understand them, but neither do our children always understand us.

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    • Sara
      11 years ago

      I almost touched a hot stove when I was a kid. My mother did not hit me, though. She yelled “Sara, don’t touch that!” and pulled my hand away from the stove. Then she gave me a stern but gentle talking-to about how you’re not supposed to touch hot surfaces because they can hurt you. After that I didn’t try to touch the stove. I learned a valuable lesson and my mom didn’t have to hit me to instill it. Imagine that.

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  17. 11 years ago

    You don’t have to spank a child for such a thing. Seriously. Let’s not abandon common sense. Spankings are to break a child’s stubborn “will.”

    For example, if they’re hitting you (which I’ve seen numerous times in malls; kids hitting their parents because they’re not getting what they want, and clearly, they’re not getting spanked, and yet they’ve managed to learn how to “hit”) and acting outright rebellious against what you’ve told them to do, then a spanking may be required. Too many kids are out of control these days.

    God doesn’t expect us to abandon common sense. He expects us to use our brains, the brains He created for us. I would have done exactly the same with my child that you described. My point was, you tell your child “no” because you want the best for them. The learning experience with the stove would be that if he didn’t obey, he’d get burned.

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  18. Sara
    11 years ago

    How do you know those kids who are hitting their parents aren’t being spanked? It’s possible that a kid might model behavior that they see in their parents because they think it’s okay. You’re assuming a lot of things. And besides that, parents are supposed to be the mature ones, so either way, if a kid is hitting the parent, the parent should not do the same thing back. The kid may have picked up on that behavior somewhere else and your job as a parent is to communicate with your kids and make sure they know that hitting people is wrong. And you can do that without stooping to their immature level. Hitting people is immature and it is wrong. It’s wrong when a kid hits a parent. It’s wrong when a kid hits another kid. It’s wrong when an adult hits another adult. AND it’s wrong when an adult hits a kid. It solves nothing and it has been proven to have some pretty nasty consequences for kids later on down the line. This is not “pop psychology”, this is real peer-reviewed scientific research. If you want to ignore that because you think the Bible gives you permission to be immature and lazy and use physical violence against your smaller, weaker children then go right ahead. But you’re probably doing more harm than good.

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    • Katherine
      11 years ago

      Amen 🙂 we also assume that all non spanking parents are uninvolved or permissive. As if the only answer to misbehavior is to spank or ignore it.

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  19. 11 years ago

    Do what you want Sara, make your own assumptions as well. Disobey God and see where it gets you. Although, I have to laugh at the visual of a parent trying to “talk sense” to a fit-throwing, screaming toddler. LOL Good luck with that. I’m done with this conversation.

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    • Sara
      11 years ago

      My parents never once raised a hand to me. Not once. I threw some temper tantrums but they had ways of dealing with that that didn’t resort to hitting me. I imagine that would have just made me cry harder. Sometimes the thing to do when your kids are having temper tantrums is to walk away from them, let them calm down, and then try to talk to them. It worked for my parents. It works for many other parents, as well. You don’t HAVE to hit your kids and the very fact that you are threatening me with eternal damnation simply because I think parents should exercise restraint when dealing with small children is laughable to me. Like I said, I know many Christian parents who do not agree with corporeal punishment. According to you they are not doing Christianity correctly just because they have found other ways to deal with their kids when they are misbehaving. I’m done with this conversation too. Clearly there is no way to talk sense into religious fanatics who are so stuck in their ways.

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      • Katherine
        11 years ago

        My daughter is 18months…just starting all those tantrums. She cries because she is emotionally immature, and doesn’t have the language skills and patience to deal with frustrations. I do my best to be pre-imptive (keep her on a good nap/eating schedule, keep her intellectually stimulated, etc) but when we have a meltdown, I let her cry it out. When she is done she comes to me to talk it out and we talk and snuggle and figure it out. Give the babies time to grow <3

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        • 11 years ago

          My oldest daughter is almost 21 (a woman of God who loves the Lord), my second daughter is 17 (another woman of God who loves the Lord and constantly posts verses on her Facebook page), my third child is my only boy and he’s 14 (a young man who also loves the Lord and has a deep compassion for those around him, especially the elderly; he often chooses a lonely old man/widower to sit with during church services), and my youngest daughter is 6 (she not only has compassion for those around her, but hugs everyone she sees).

          I’ve spanked all of them when they were “defiant.” It always subdued their anger, their strong will, and their bad behavior. Does that mean I never sent them to their room to “cry it out?” No, of course not. When my youngest was a toddler and started her whining and crying fits, she knew we didn’t want to hear it, so she’d march up to her room and cry it out behind her closed door. All on her own. Because those were the rules. Did I get out my paddle during that time? No. Didn’t have to. I might have in the very beginning if she didn’t listen to me and go directly to her room when she was told, but all it took was one or two times. After that, the lesson was learned and she went without anyone even telling her to go. I’m not saying I don’t agree with all the other methods. I use them. I use them ALL. There’s just a time and a place where absolute defiance MUST be nipped in the bud. If not, the child is going to know they can get away with misbehaviors and it will only get worse from there, sliding quickly into a downhill spiral. Next thing you know, you have an out of control selfish brat on your hands.

          Spankings are not about terrorizing a child, and a person should only spank their child on their bottom just enough to make it sting. Never spank a child with all your might!

          I’ve told all my children when I spank them that I don’t like to, but God tells me to do it when they disobey. BECAUSE if they don’t learn to obey me, then they won’t learn to obey those in authority (teachers, police, etc), and worst of all, they won’t learn to obey God. And if they don’t learn to obey God, it will not go well for them. Jesus repeats several times in John 14-15, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” I tell my children, if you love me, and if you love God, you will obey me. So far, my children are not abusers or tormentors of other children or adults, and they listen very well to those in authority, and more importantly, they know they’re loved. If anything (and at the risk of sounding boastful), I get numerous compliments from people around me about how well-behaved my children are, and what amazing young women my two oldest are turning out to be. I’m far from perfect, but I figure if I just stick to God’s rules, I can’t go wrong. And so far, HIS way is working. 🙂

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  20. Katherine
    11 years ago

    It sounds like you have a very lovely family, and I have no doubt that it is largely due to fantastic parenting 🙂 Science and research have shown (and keep showing more clearly every day it seems) that while spanking gets an immediate result, it causes more serious problems in the long run. Otherwise good parenting will overcome these problems (if good parenting didn’t help make up for mistakes, we would all be doomed!) but wouldn’t it be better to try to eliminate things that statistically cause problems for our children? We all know that chain smoker who lived to old age and died of something unrelated to smoking, or that high school drop out who managed to become a millionaire. That doesn’t mean we would encourage our kids to smoke or drop out. Those people are exceptions (wether by blessing, luck, or tons of hard work). You pointed out the need to “nip defiance in the bud,” but why do that with spanking, when you chose a different route with most/all other offences? I understand that you feel like spanking is a biblical directive. But with science arguing so strongly against it, I wonder why you don’t choose to look at it the same way we look at so many other seemingly “unscientific” passages. We realize that the earth isn’t flat, and that slavery is aborrhent. Our society has progressed to a point that we can understand that. We look at those Passages and think, “this is the est they could understand” or “this is poetic” or “this is the best that could be done in their time. Now we are able to do better.” That last fits best, in my opinion, with spanking. People have spanked a long time. But we have tools that other generations didn’t. We also have the sweet, kind, beautiful teachings of Jesus that would discourage anyone from any kind of violence or roughness, especially to our beautiful little ones.

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    • 11 years ago

      I understand what you’re saying, and I agree with it, except for the confidence and trust we give to science. We need to be careful that “science” doesn’t become our god where we put too much/or all our faith and hope in it. God, the creator and inventor of the universe, is the ultimate Scientist, the “inventor of science.” Science originated with Him. And He’s the one who says we’re to spank our children to break their will. I’m assuming He knows what He’s talking about since he “invented” (created) us. You know? It’s not the only form of discipline I use, and I usually use it as a last resort, but I use it because He tells me to, and when I do, it works. I don’t know who these scientists have studied or interviewed and why they came out with these supposed horrible results for children who are spanked, but I simply don’t trust them. I trust my Father in Heaven. He knows best.

      I also have a bad taste in my mouth concerning scientists who work for Big Pharma. They’ve had a cure for cancer since the 50’s and have ignored it. I battled cancer for two years, and after science failed me (and I trusted them with all my heart), my husband found a cure in God’s creation. The cure came from God. I’m now a cancer survivor because of my Father in Heaven and the natural foods He provided for us on His planet. Gen. 1:29 God tells us His plants and fruits AND their seeds are given to us as food. I never realized He intends for us to also eat His seeds. It’s because of His seeds, I’m cured. I know that’s hard to believe, but you can read more about my story here if you’re interested: www.beatcancerwithb17.blogspot.com.

      Sorry for the side-track. All I know is, the best way to go is to trust my Father who is the inventor of everything. He knows what’s best for us, while the scientists are still trying to “figure us out.” I don’t trust them as far as I can throw them. :-/

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  21. Chelsea Smith
    10 years ago

    I’ll be the first to tell you I have a daughter that loves to test her boundaries. She is a strong willed-stubborn child however very intelligent. I have spanked her butt many times. Here the difference….. Coming from an EXTREMELY abusive situation, which has been non existent since she was born, her biological father set a fear in me that I could one day make her feel the way he made me feel, worthless and defeated. However here is what the verdict came down to, I am mom. I will always be mom, and it is my job to raise my children to love God, and to love one another with respect and to respect the world which God created for us to live in responsibly. Now is fear of the Lord healthy? Of course!!! It’s what makes us grow in Christianity! The world will teach my daughter to do what she wants whenever she wants, and that it is ok to get by with it. Temporary feelings do not justify permanent situations, my Goal is to raise a successful adult not one that has a temporary feeling so she throws our her morals! That’s not how it works. I have popped my daughter on the rear before to break her spirit, not to harm her, but to prove to her that at 5 years old, there is someone bigger than her who loves her enough to show her the difference. The end result? She learns because we talk and she apologizes and I explain to her the difference and why she was in trouble. She has shown so much improvement since I have overcame that and she is very much more respectful because of it. I agree with Serena 100%. thank you for the article Serena, biblical insights are nice to know.

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  22. Sheri
    10 years ago

    A shepherd’s rod was not used to hit his sheep. It was used to push, direct, and guide his sheep. To me, that is probably the biggest problem with using verses about rods as license to spank our children. We are to discipline them constantly. That means guide and correct them constantly. That means we must be with them. We may not push them aside. We may not count on others to do this wonderful, rewarding, blessed job for us. And as we work at this job ,sometimes we will need to punish our children. But, punishing children does NOT have to include physically striking them . I do believe the Bible teaches against that. We need to remember we all think it is biblically wrong for adults to strike other adults. We as Christians do not condone violence. Why would we, why do we, encourage striking small ones? I have 6 children; 5 of them are grown, married, and most have children of their own. They all have fun talking about times I lost my temper and spanked them. They all agree they got no more than 2 or 3 spankings. Some of them got none. I felt like, and still feel like, I failed as a godly parent where each of those spankings were concerned. I lost my temper and struck a person. Each time, I did apologize. And to this day, I am thankful to God above for the grace He gave my husband and I to parent, and thankful for the grace he gives to cover the mistakes we made as parents. This morning as I read some posts that reported there is evidence that spanking is emotionally harmful, I was a tad surprised. NO ONE said that as I was raising my children. I am thankful God put that more tender approach on my heart and supplied a very few christian books to support it. Even with that mindset I failed a few times. Thank GOD for his grace. Thank GOD my children forgive me and laugh at my moanings over my failures.
    Let me end by saying, even though I have VERY strong feelings about this…VERY STRONG…I do not think I know it all. I would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings over this issue. ANYONE’S…EVER!! Any sincere Christian that is praying and trying to parent in a way that will produce loving, godly children that will become loving, godly adults is a friend of mine. We are all, hopefully striving to bring glory to God. And, it’s hard because we all struggle against our flesh. Thank God for his love and grace! Blessings!

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Serena
11 years ago 45 Comments Christ-followers & Culture, Fatherhood, God, Home, Kids, Motherhood, Parenting, Teen Issues, Uncategorized, , 4,589