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Too Young To Marry?

Jada and her baby sister

Jada and her baby sister

A couple of days ago my 9 year-old daughter said, “I am going to skip college and get married and be a stay-at-home mom.”

I’ll admit, there was a time that her declaration would have made me want to puke. I mean, what kind of self-respecting young woman would throw away her education for a barefoot and pregnant life on the homestead?

But then I started thinking. When I graduated from high school I went to college because I was supposed to. I wasn’t really passionate about any career. I knew I loved kids so I picked teaching.

A year before, I sat in my grandmother’s hospital room with my aunt and mother discussing my future. I said, “I want to marry a preacher and have six kids.” That’s what I really wanted for my future. That’s really what my daughter wants, for now anyway. But I went to college because getting married at 19 wasn’t even an option.

Why wasn’t that an option? Didn’t people in the Bible get married when they were younger than that? For that matter, didn’t people in American used to get married a lot younger than that?

Most of us were expected or are expecting our children to go to college and pursue a career before marriage. But is that really the best spiritual plan for all of us? What are the risks of putting marriage off?

Consider this:

  • 95% of Americans have sex before marriage.
  • The average age of becoming sexually active is 16.9 for males and 17.4 for females.
  • Women average 4 sexual partners in their lifetime. Men average 7 partners in their lifetime.
  • The average age for Americans getting married has reached a historic high 27 for women and 29 for men . That rose from the 1990 average marrying age of 23 for women and 26 for men.

Now consider this:

God created us to leave home to establish a home of our own. 

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Gen. 2:24

I realize that university wasn’t an option in Eden, but if God said the reason for leaving our parents is marriage, why are we in such a hurry to kick our unmarried kids out the door when they turn 18? Why do we ship them off to a college campus somewhere beyond the protection of their family and church?

Before anyone thinks I’m preaching against going to college, let me put your mind at ease, I’m not. I am really just asking the question why. Why do we do that?

Sex without marriage infuriates the Creator and puts your soul in danger. 

And don’t forget Sodom and Gomorrah and their neighboring towns, which were filled with immorality and every kind of sexual perversion. Those cities were destroyed by fire and serve as a warning of the eternal fire of God’s judgment. Jude 7

I went to a state school and a private, Christian college. At both places I saw Christian kids who got away from home and indulged in immorality and sexual perversion- a lot.

Getting married at 19 or 20 isn’t the end of the world. But going to meet Jesus as a fornicator may be the end of your eternity (1 Cor 6:9-11).

If you are young, are you being honest to yourself about sexual immorality? Do you recognized lust when you see it and run away from it (2 Tim. 2:22)?

Parents, are you asking your kids about what their sexual temptations are? Or are you just crossing your fingers and hoping that your kid knows better? Know this, even when they know better, knowledge doesn’t keep your pants on.

Sexual  temptation is real. Sexual sin is happening every day among us. God is still infuriated by it.

Young people can be pure.

 Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. 1 Tim 4:12

It is completely and totally possible to remain sexually pure. We need to shout that message from the roof top. We need to help our kids build hedges of protection around their purity (Hosea 2:6) and pep talk their chastity. It’s a lot more important to put a plan in place for avoiding sin than mapping out their college credits.

We need to stop expecting recreational dating to be part of the high school and college experience and act surprised when they have sex. We need to prepare their hearts and their circumstances for a life serving God whether that is in a future marriage or in current singlehood.

Check out more on Christians and Dating here. 

God made purity provisions.

Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations.  But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. 1 Cor 7:1-2

There is an out for those of us who want to have sex. Marriage. That’s it. That’s the only time, place and purpose that God blesses us to be “naked and not ashamed” (Gen 2:25).

Getting married young is OK with God.

Rejoice in the wife of your youth. Prov. 5:18

God is totally OK with getting married young. I’m not sure when we started thinking it wasn’t.

 

 Swear to me, young women of Jerusalem, that you won’t awaken or arouse love before its proper time!  Song of Solomon 8:4

 

(Data collected from National Center for Health Statistics; Kinsey Institute)

Aug 18, 2014Serena
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Comments: 8
  1. Corri
    10 years ago

    Amen. I found the man I wanted to marry during my senior year of high school. Everyone in my family had a fit because I was supposed to go to college and get a degree in who knows what because I was smart and had the potential to do whatever I wanted to do. Never mind all I wanted to do was be a wife and mother. I was still just shy of 20 when we got married, but we would have married sooner if my parents hadn’t had such a fit about us marrying too soon.
    Do I want my own kids to go to college and get an education? Of course. But I also want them to find spouses that are good Christian mates, as I have. But what I really want is whatever decisions they make to be the ones that will help them walk close to God and help them in their journey to heaven, whatever path they may choose in life.

    ReplyCancel
  2. Donna
    10 years ago

    No. Just no.
    I got married young, because I was supposed to. Sexual temptation was a real thing. I married so I could be right with God. I picked a lovely Christian man. That’s what you are supposed to do, right?
    That man was a monster. I never knew. I have serious PTSD from my marriage. We dated for 6 months…that’s NOT enough. Going to college gives you time to really know someone.
    Please do not encourage your daughters to marry quickly. It’s a giant mistake that can haunt them forever.

    ReplyCancel
    • Serena
      10 years ago

      I am so sorry for that horror you lived. Marriage can be affected by sin no matter how old anyone is.

      ReplyCancel
      • Donna
        10 years ago

        The thing is that I didn’t know. He seemed wonderful. Had I spent longer dating him, maybe I could have seen the red flags. His real character came out after we’d been together for two years. You can only hide your true self for so long before the facade cracks.
        Please, encourage your girls to wait.

        ReplyCancel
  3. Joan
    10 years ago

    It is good and right to want to marry. Only problem is what if no one picks you or you find no suitable mate at that time. After I became a Christian at 24 I gave up worldly stuff and focused on pleasing God. It took years to work the world out of me from the inside out. Marrying a Christian became my priority, so many suitors I dismissed because they did not love the Lord and it did not seem wise to get emotionally involved with a man who might not be a spiritual leader in our home. So I waited and waited and waited. Yes I did marry, but not young.
    My point is that we cannot control if we are going to get married, but we can always serve the Lord no matter what state we find ourselves in. If we place such a high premium on marriage, then we are setting young single women up for huge disappointment when a mate does not appear and maybe even contributing to the desperation they may feel if not married by a young age. Yes college is not the answer always either, but finding ways to serve may be a better focus. Let God be the matchmaker and find peace and contentment in serving Him alone in whatever state you find yourself. 1 Corithians 7: 17 “But be sure in deciding these matters that you are living as God intended, marrying or not marrying in accordance with God’s direction and help, and accepting whatever situation God has put you into. This is my rule for all the churches.”

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  4. Sheril C
    10 years ago

    Great topic! I agree with much of the original post as well as Joan’s points, all important and valid considerations. For that matter, I completely understand the dissenting opinion based on a tragically sinful husband. I wish I couldn’t relate to that but I can. I do not, however agree that the answer is to blame youthful marriage. My own similar tragedy was after a youthful marriage which is certainly more common but I’ve seen the same thing happen where the monster came out after nearly 20 years of marriage. For that matter my experiences have left me with quite a struggle with sexual discrimination against men in general. It is a very difficult set of emotions and temptations to manage which has an effect on every day of my life.The thing we must not allow ourselves when we face such intensely difficult circstances is to come up with our own reasoning that conflicts with the precepts and principles laid down by our creator.

    When you put all of these things together you arrive at the way I am trying to guide my daughters (and myself). Pray for wisdom. Pray for your future and your circumstance and protection. Recognize the very common and natural desire to have a partner and a lover. Do not despise youthful marriage. As much as possible,Do ky warp your children’s perception of marriage or of men. Plan to serve God no matter what circumstance you face in life!

    ReplyCancel
  5. Beckye
    10 years ago

    While I see your point, I also see people who in a rush to avoid one sin created problems that led to multiple other sins. I would change some things on my past but waiting to get married isn’t one of them. My husband and I needed to grow up in order to appreciate each other.

    ReplyCancel
  6. Laura Ellis
    10 years ago

    Great thoughts Serena! Age is a number! Maturity is a whole other issue. Misconceptions about “love” is also an issue. Love is not an emotion, it is a command. Two Christians striving to please God and each other make a marriage flourish! Bryan and I dated for 7 months. I didn’t know him at all then, but I knew he was a man that wanted to serve God, and be qualified one day as an elder whether he serves or not. I knew he wanted to be like Jesus. That’s all I needed to know. Life isn’t easy, and our challenges have been intense in our 16 years and counting. But God is first, and each other next and we take one day at a time. My mom.. Dated for 2-3 yrs. And dad still “snowed her”… 20 yrs of grief, and he left and she dated my step dad for 7 months and they are enjoying their second “happily ever after.” Things happen, young or old! We just have to pray and do our best and stick close to The Plan! Thanks again Serena! 🙂

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Serena
10 years ago 8 Comments Christ-followers & Culture, Dating, Daughters, Marriage, Parenting, Uncategorizeddating, family, motherhood, parenting855
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