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The Secret Truth About Marriage

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I really wish some older and wiser woman would have told me the truth about marriage. I don’t know. Maybe old ladies sit back and get a kick out of seeing the newbies flounder?

Well, I am no longer a newbie. This is me breaking the silence for those of you getting started in this.

When you say “I Do” the anticipation and excitement of happily ever after soon collides with the reality of selfishness, anger, pride, disappointment and the all around feeling of “WHAT HAVE I DONE??” There will be moments that you sit in silence plotting your escape. The truth is, marriage is hard.

Genesis 2:24 says,  “The two are united into one.”

 

I used to think, like when I was single, that there was a magical spell cast on your wedding day that melded the two into one. I was wrong.

… 

My grandmother taught me how to cook. Before I could read she had me pulled up to the counter in her kitchen. Mashed potatoes were my specialty. And my grandmother made the meatiest, creamiest most delicious gravy to smother over my perfectly whipped mashed potatoes.

Her method was flawless. She took her broth, mixed in some starchy water from the boiled potatoes, then added a cold milk and corn starch combo to thicken it.

The first time I made her gravy I was a newly wed.  What I got was not my grandmother’s gravy. What I got was a crime against gravy. To be fair, it can’t really be called gravy. It was more like beef juice with rock solid, impenetrable dough balls. It was awful. The harder I tried to fix it the worse it got.

Marriage is less magical spells and more like trying to mix the lumps out of stubborn gravy. They are in the same pan. They are the same color. But there’s still a lot of lumps that refuse to blend in. The more you try to fix it the worse it gets.

But here’s another truth. It’s worth it. It’s worth the work to fix it. It’s worth it to surrender. It’s worth it to sacrifice. It’s worth it to work through the hard stuff. It’s worth it to commit to death do us part. It’s worth it to know that someone is in your corner no matter what. It’s worth it to watch God build something beautiful out of the mess you started with.

It is hard. It will hurt. It will be worth it.

Three years of marriage. One son and our first official ministry assignment in Columbus, Ohio

1

 

Six years of marriage, two kids and our second church in Jordan, Ontario

2

 

 

Seven years of marriage, three kids, same church

3

 

After moving to Chillicothe, Ohio for a church plant we had baby #4.

4

 

 

Holding steady with baby #5

5

 

The day we buried baby #6 in Twin Township Cemetery, Bourneville, Ohio

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Amitiah- “God is faithful” Baby #7 spent 8 days in NICU before coming home.

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Seventeen years. Still smiling. VBS in Chillicothe, Ohio 2014

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Sep 16, 2014Serena
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Comments: 11
  1. Cari Rusin
    8 years ago

    Amen,

    ReplyCancel
  2. Shirley
    8 years ago

    Disturbs me that you refer to the congregation who hired your husband as “our church”

    ReplyCancel
    • Beckye
      8 years ago

      Stop looking for the speck and work on your beam

      ReplyCancel
    • Christy
      8 years ago

      wow. I am so sorry that the phrase ‘our church’ distracted you from the beautiful things that Serena has written here. In my opinion, calling the group of believers that we gather with on a regular basis ‘our church’ is the same as saying ‘our family’. It connotes strong connection and love. But, I tend to put a positive spin on most things. 🙂

      Of course, your comment could have been a private joke between you and Serena. Sorry if I ruined it. LOL

      ReplyCancel
      • Serena
        8 years ago

        No hidden joke. I’m with you. I refer to my church the same way I do my family. It’s not because I run it, but because I belong to it.

        ReplyCancel
  3. Sheryl
    8 years ago

    I love you people! Best spamily I ever had and I thank God he led us to your Church!

    ReplyCancel
    • Serena
      8 years ago

      I thank him too.

      ReplyCancel
  4. Christy
    8 years ago

    Serena,

    I needed this article today! Thank you, thank you!! I’ve been through a lot in my marriage and worked out some pretty big lumps, but recently it’s the tiny, mundane lumps that have been sources of exasperation and hopelessness. Thanks for the admonition to keep working.

    ReplyCancel
    • Serena
      8 years ago

      Thank you!

      ReplyCancel
  5. New mom
    8 years ago

    I know this is a sensitive topic, but it’s also important to discuss! My husband and I have been talking extensively about this subject. So… is it an individual decision based on prayer? Should we abandon all methods of birth control and let God decide our family number? If so, is there a ‘ cut off ‘ age? Does an older pregnancy seem irresponsible due to an increased risk of birth defects? We want to do what pleases Him and, now we have two blessings, don’t feel traditional birth control is the right answer (we didn’t really consider even praying about children earlier in our marriage due to grad school.. now our perspective is different! ) Thoughts?

    ReplyCancel
    • Serena
      8 years ago

      Oh I still struggle and toss this around in my head and heart even after 7 pregnancies. I think it has to start with prayer. Then I think developing a biblical view of children. Our culture tends to view kids more as a burden than a blessing. Then I think you have to use wisdom to deal with your circumstances. But in the end, let God have control of the decision. I’m not in a place to say one type of birth control is acceptable and another isn’t or use it or don’t, but I can say that God promises to show us what path to take. Prov 3:5-6. I have really had to stretch my faith and let God be Lord of my whole life.

      ReplyCancel

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Serena
8 years ago 11 Comments Home, Marriage, Uncategorized, Wife340
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