I really wish some older and wiser woman would have told me the truth about marriage. I don’t know. Maybe old ladies sit back and get a kick out of seeing the newbies flounder?

Well, I am no longer a newbie. This is me breaking the silence for those of you getting started in this.

When you say “I Do” the anticipation and excitement of happily ever after soon collides with the reality of selfishness, anger, pride, disappointment and the all around feeling of “WHAT HAVE I DONE??” There will be moments that you sit in silence plotting your escape. The truth is, marriage is hard.

Genesis 2:24 says,  “The two are united into one.”

 

I used to think, like when I was single, that there was a magical spell cast on your wedding day that melded the two into one. I was wrong.

… 

My grandmother taught me how to cook. Before I could read she had me pulled up to the counter in her kitchen. Mashed potatoes were my specialty. And my grandmother made the meatiest, creamiest most delicious gravy to smother over my perfectly whipped mashed potatoes.

Her method was flawless. She took her broth, mixed in some starchy water from the boiled potatoes, then added a cold milk and corn starch combo to thicken it.

The first time I made her gravy I was a newly wed.  What I got was not my grandmother’s gravy. What I got was a crime against gravy. To be fair, it can’t really be called gravy. It was more like beef juice with rock solid, impenetrable dough balls. It was awful. The harder I tried to fix it the worse it got.

Marriage is less magical spells and more like trying to mix the lumps out of stubborn gravy. They are in the same pan. They are the same color. But there’s still a lot of lumps that refuse to blend in. The more you try to fix it the worse it gets.

But here’s another truth. It’s worth it. It’s worth the work to fix it. It’s worth it to surrender. It’s worth it to sacrifice. It’s worth it to work through the hard stuff. It’s worth it to commit to death do us part. It’s worth it to know that someone is in your corner no matter what. It’s worth it to watch God build something beautiful out of the mess you started with.

It is hard. It will hurt. It will be worth it.

Three years of marriage. One son and our first official ministry assignment in Columbus, Ohio

 

Six years of marriage, two kids and our second church in Jordan, Ontario

 

 

Seven years of marriage, three kids, same church

 

After moving to Chillicothe, Ohio for a church plant we had baby #4.

 

 

Holding steady with baby #5

 

The day we buried baby #6 in Twin Township Cemetery, Bourneville, Ohio

 

Amitiah- “God is faithful” Baby #7 spent 8 days in NICU before coming home.

 

Seventeen years. Still smiling. VBS in Chillicothe, Ohio 2014