Truemag

  • Home
  • About
  • Grief
  • My Book
  • Events
  • Ministry
  • Contact

The American Man: Why Husbands Quit Their Family

word-sell-man-failure

Meet Michael.

As he approaches his next birthday he wonders what exactly he’s accomplished during his life.

His career is floundering.

He lost interest in his marriage and his wife a long time ago.

He’d rather sit at his computer than read bedtime stories to his kids.

He escapes on the internet where he can be someone else. Someone who is a real man.

 …

 

Jesus promised a life that is abundant, but there’s a lot of men who claim Christianity who feel like their career, marriage and family is anything but abundant. These men are occupying space in the house but not in the hearts of their family. They find solace in overtime, video games or the arms of another woman. It is easier to disconnect than deal with it. So they withdraw.  They quit their family.

Why?

His dad.

We have a generation of fatherless men. Even if their dads were in the home, they weren’t really present in the lives of their sons. These men were never shown how to be men. Their dads never patted them on the back, never made them feel like they could do anything and never really believed in them. Their dad’s never lit the fire in their spirit.

How different would it be if these same men had father’s who were amazed by them?

His father [was]  amazed at the things which were being said about Him. Luke 2:33

The church

In Jesus’ church, men have abdicated their leadership. They have forgone teaching, mentoring and training the young men in their spiritual family. Our husbands have been left to navigate the deep waters of masculinity alone.

 In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely.  And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Titus 2:6-7

Fear of failure

Instead of facing the possibility of not being enough, they don’t even try. Even the chance of not being man enough for the job of husband and father is paralyzing.  It feels safer to just not try.

 But Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” God answered, “I will be with you.” Ex. 3:11-12

Striving women

His wife’s incessant reminders of his failures made him check out a long time ago.

  • We need more money.
  • The bills are piling up.
  • The garbage needs to go out.
  • I need more time from you.
  • The kids need more time from you.

These may seem benign, but to an already wounded man, they are acid to soul. They are reminders that he isn’t a good enough provider. He isn’t a good enough husband. He isn’t a good enough father.

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Prov. 27:15

Our men have been stranded in a purgatory of boyhood. They hear the voice of their fathers chiding, “You can’t do it.” He believes he can’t. So he doesn’t.

But just like Moses, standing at the precipice of a civil war and revolution against the greatest world power in existences, God answers, “I will be with you.” Men, he is with you too. Women, love him, support him and pray that he sees that with God he’s got this.

Jun 26, 2014Serena
Tweet3
Share152
Pin2
157 Shares
Why Women Leave Their MarriageWhen Marriage Is Lonely
Comments: 7
  1. Amy
    8 years ago

    I think you hit the nail on the head. My question is, are the wives supposed to fill in where the men are lacking (money, bills, garbage, time, etc.) Or are we to let those areas go to save our marriages, trusting that God will provide? Sacrificing the children, financial integrity, etc. for the sake of our marriage…

    ReplyCancel
    • Carrie
      8 years ago

      If you fill in the gaps, you don’t allow your husband to grow. What you need to do is hold on tight for the roller coaster ride. God will provide. We can’t expect our men to grow if WE step in and bail them out.

      ReplyCancel
      • Amy
        8 years ago

        That’s what I think too, Carrie. But in the meantime…..
        It’s HARD!

        ReplyCancel
    • Serena
      8 years ago

      Yeah, you ladies got it. That’s where the rubber meets the road in our faith. Can we obey God and hold on for that ride even when it looks like disaster a head? I have seen many men come to true spiritual life when their wives have done just that. Mine included. And yes… its h.a.r.d.

      ReplyCancel
  2. Jan Prahl
    8 years ago

    If we say it is his dad, his church, or his quarrelsome wife’s fault we only give him an excuse.While these things contribute to men “quitting” their families, men quit them because they choose to. I agree parents, church and wife may contribute, but ultimately the men who quit their family do so because they make the choice, they whimp out.

    ReplyCancel
    • Serena
      8 years ago

      No doubt there are whips for men out there. But I really think it has more to do with fear and inadequacy rather than just being jerks. And I don’t think citing reasons is the same as offering an excuse. They most certainly have to man up, but what’s wrong with setting up the ideal situation for them to do that?

      ReplyCancel
      • Amy
        8 years ago

        Being that we cannot change anyone other than ourselves, and we so often wonder why men act the way they do, I see this article as explanation for women, not excuses for men. If we want our marriages to be all God intended, we must be willing to look at ourselves and see where we can improve. I’m positive that there are other blogs out there written by men, for men, attempting to explain why women act the way we do and giving the male readers some clue as to what they can do to help. Looking at what our partner needs to change isn’t going to do anything but grow resentment in our hearts.

        ReplyCancel

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Serena
8 years ago 7 Comments Family relationships, Fatherhood, Marriage, The Church, Uncategorized, Wifedivorce, fatherhood, husband leaving, marriage994
A Wordy Woman
Top Posts & Pages
  • Husbands Submit
  • Doing Church When The World is Upside Down
  • Can Christians Follow Marxism?
  • Is Submission a 4-Letter Word?
  • The Christian, Abortion and Voting
Recent Posts
  • Husbands Submit
  • Doing Church When The World is Upside Down
  • Can Christians Follow Marxism?
  • Is Submission a 4-Letter Word?
  • The Christian, Abortion and Voting
Categories
Sign up for A Wordy Woman
* = required field

powered by MailChimp!
Networks
2015 © A Wordy Woman