My son, Azaiah Stone, died on January 4, 2013.
His sister was born October 28, 2013, conceived just three weeks after his death.
Here I am, expecting life again, October 20, 2016.
Dealing with the effects of trauma, grief, depression then hormones, morning sickness and fatigue coupled with fear, trepidation and worry, pregnancy after loss is hard. It is not the hoorah like it was before. It is certainly not he cure-all for the pain. But it can be a deeply significant event that transcends the giggles of baby shower diaper games and grows into a true spiritual experience with God.
If you are pregnant or hoping to be after the death of one of your children, this is for you.
Love
Love that baby from the first positive pregnancy test. Several months into my pregnancy with Tiah, my first child after loss, I realized I had built an emotional wall between me and her. I was holding back from her because what if she died too.
Then I realized a bigger fear, what if she did die? What if she died and left for heaven knowing she had a mother who never loved her.
I decided that day to love her with out limits. I wanted to love her with a love that could meet her in eternity and matter.
Pray
We have prayed before, during and after every moment of this journey. There has been no detail, fear or thanksgiving that hasn’t made its way to my Father’s ear.
I want God in all of it. All of it!
Trust
If you are stepping with prayer there is no reason to not relinquish control to God. He is not just the maker of galaxies and microscopic organisms. He is the Sovereign King, the Lord of your life and your loving heavenly Father. He has had your best interest at heart since your mother conceived you. Trust him.
He has got this just like he always has.
David begged God to spare the child. He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground. The elders of his household pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused.
Then on the seventh day the child died…
Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions,and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the Lord. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate…
Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and David named him Solomon. The Lord loved the child... (from 2 Sam. 12).
