Pastor’s Wives Are People Too!

A few months back, as I watched my husband crumble under the incredible weight of public pressure, I wrote something called, Pastors Are People Too!

Today I am the one crumbling. I am the preacher’s wife.

I am the mother of six. I am the prayer group leader. I am the children’s teacher and the women’s teacher. I am the mentor, confidant and spiritual counselor.

And I want to let you into a glimpse of my heart. I don’t want your pity. But I also don’t want the pressure of unrealistic standards that you hold me to. I don’t want to give up my calling, but I also don’t want your expectations of my calling to usurp God’s. I want you to unload your heavy hearts to me, but I want you to know I can’t fix it. I don’t want preferential treatment. But I beg for your understanding.

I am a bible student. I am not an expert on theology. I am your fellow-laborer. I am not a representative of church policy. I am a servant. I am not a decision maker. I am a friend. I am not a go-between. I am a listener. I am not a problem-solver.

Please remember this: “The Bible has no job description called ‘pastor’s wife.’ The pastor’s wife is simply to be a Christian church member like everyone else” (Mark Driscoll, Loving the Pastor’s Wife). I need you to see that. I need you to see that I have no official title nor do I hold a church office.

I need you to see that I am not perfect, yet I carry the weight of the stereotypical image of being the perfect wife, the perfect mother and just generally the perfect woman. My marriage isn’t perfect. My kids aren’t perfect. I don’t keep a perfect house. Frankly, I can’t breathe under the weight of a perfection that I cannot obtain.

I am not perfect. I am a fallible human being… no… actually that doesn’t touch what I am. I am simply a sinner. So please don’t expect anything more from me than that. I am a sinner, just like you, who desperately needs grace.

I will blunder. I will fall. I will let you down. I will make mistakes. But know this, I don’t want to. The problem is, I am a sinner. Please remember that when you expect perfection. Please remember that when you expect me to fix your problem, deal with your conflict, or to be perpetually smiling. I am just a sinner.

“I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.” –Paul the Apostle

Serena
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Comments: 6
  1. 12 years ago

    Peoples expectations and Gods expectations rarely ever mesh or meld perfectly… I see in you and Dan to people striving to serve the Lord and you community the best you possibly can…Not because you are not flawed – but because you are and press on..

    Philippians 3:14 -”I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

    Keep fighting that good fight 😉

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  2. Ben Hastings (@benhastings)
    12 years ago

    GREAT post, Serena!
    I think far too many pastor’s/ministers’ wives face this burden. There is more scrutiny and exclusion in some cases. More burden when lacking a godly eldership.

    The weight can be almost overwhelming, but the wives need to remember that – first and foremost – their responsibility is to be the helper and companion to their husband, and when blessed with them, the mother to her children. No one else can meet those needs in a godly way. Everyone else _should_ come second!

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  3. Karita
    12 years ago

    Serena,
    What an amazing post! Being a preacher’s kid for most of my life, I can definitely relate… The constant pressure is hard to handle. Most kids don’t have to worry that their behavior and struggles may cause their father to lost his job and to lose his calling for a time. I’d love for people to realize that PK’s are just people, too. We are sinners, too… A lot of time we are struggling with our own issues, our own faith, all while strving to attain that impossible perfection you speak of in your post. My time as a PK had many blessed moments that fortunately outweighed the bad ones, but it was still a very hard path to walk. I made alot of mistakes and at times, I’m sure I cast a bad light on my father and mother, but I never quit trying. At times, I did lose faith in the church and all of its politics but I never lost faith in God. Praises to Him forever that He never lost fatih in me, either!

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  4. Wendy Kincaid
    12 years ago

    Ditto for elder’s and deacon’s wives. Love your heart, girl! Press on!

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  5. Melanie
    9 years ago

    I think sometimes I forget about this pressure (I am the wife of a preacher), and perhaps this is one of the best things a preacher’s wife can do. I’m sure most of the credit goes to the church here, and how they treat me. I’m thankful for them. 🙂

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  6. Preacher's wife
    9 years ago

    Amen. I also had to learn that being the pw doesn’t mean I get special treatment or that my kids do, either. I don’t think I ever thought it intensely, but I realized that we are just His servants. Nothing more. Nothing less. Taking time out to pray and meditate away from it all is helpful as well.

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Serena
12 years ago 6 Comments Christian Life, Preacher's Wife, Women's Ministry, , 1,165