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NO CHILDREN: What Does the Bible Say About Having Kids?

After Friday’s post last week, “Help Wanted: Mother’s Needed”, I had an interesting question posed to me. What if a woman decides not to have children? Is that ok?

First of all I want to acknowledge that this is a sensitive and emotional topic. I don’t want to deal with it lightly or brashly. But I do want to answer as truthfully as I can, in love.

In my own home I have had to examine a lot of my ideas and compare them to the scripture because of the “baggage” I started this gig with. No matter where we are in life we have baggage that influences our choices and actions. The thing we have to decide is if we are willing to let go of our preconceived ideas and let our God shape us or not. It should be our goal to get our belief system inline with our Creator.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”  (2 Cor. 10:5).

I also have a thing about directly answering questions. I don’t really think it’s my place. The best I can do is offer God’s words as direction for your own spiritual journey. I also believe that the Holy Spirit is given as our guide. Jesus said, “when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth…” (John 16:13).  The word of God coupled with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and a submissive heart is bound to find truth.

One more disclaimer before we dig in:  this isn’t dealing with infertility, only the choice to not have children as a married woman.

So here it goes, my journey into the empty womb.

The first stop, Eden. The more life I live, the more I see that it all goes back to our created purpose. Why did God make us in the first place? When I struggle in my marriage or in life in general, it is usually because I’m not living out my created purpose. God created women unique, feminine, and glorious to fulfill a special need that nothing else could.

When we see Adam after the creation of animals, we notice that Adam’s loneliness pulled God’s heartstrings. God created male and female among the creatures, but hadn’t created a counterpart to Adam. So God puts the finishing touches on six, glorious days of creation and fashions Eve, specifically for Adam. I can’t imagine how Adam felt seeing her for the first time. I remember when I came around the corner to walk down the isle on my wedding day. Daniel’s eyes were fixed on me. The awe Adam must have felt in that moment had to be overwhelming. He is in unblemished fellowship with God and has been given the most perfect companion.

In the moment God himself extends his hand of blessing to them and says, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth…” (Gen 1:28 NASB). The CEV reads,  “God gave them his blessing and said: Have a lot of children! Fill the earth with people and bring it under your control…”  The TNIV translates the same verse, “God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it… ”

After the flood this call is repeated to Noah and his sons. “And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth” (Gen. 9:1).

God’s original design calls for women to be life-givers and for marriage to bear children.

God also made a habit of speaking to people by giving them children. Dt. 28:11 establishes that children are a gift from God, “The Lord will give you prosperity in the land he swore to your ancestors to give you, blessing you with many children…” Women like Sarah (Gen 21), Manoah’s wife (Jud. 13) and Hannah (1 Sam.1) were rewarded for their righteousness, after a period of infertility, with children. They birthed Isaac, Samson, and Samuel, all men who fulfilled their purpose in God’s preparation for the Messiah.

On the flip side, the scriptures only tell us specifically of one barren woman who remained childless to her death. Michal (2 Sam. 6) was punished for mocking the worship of her husband, King David.

The scriptures also say:

  • The godly always give generous loans to others, and their children are a blessing (Ps 37:26).
  • Children are a gift from the Lord;they are a reward from him (Ps 127:3).
  • For when they see their many children and all the blessings I have given them, they will recognize the holiness of the Holy One of Israel. They will stand in awe of the God of Jacob (Is 29:23).

I love that last verse from Isaiah. God tells us that we will recognize his holiness through the children he gives us. Through the gift of children, God draws us closer to him. We may limit our awe of God when we stand at the shore of the ocean, gaze at the stars, or glimpse at the scene from a mountain summit. But God himself says that we will stand in awe of HIM when we see our children.

After the captivity, God uses Malachi to reiterate his word to Israel after the rebuilding of Jerusalem. In an effort to restore the ways of Jehovah, part of the message Malachi delivers is this, “Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart…” (Mal. 2:15).

So do I think it’s “wrong” to not have children? I can’t say that because God hasn’t. But I can say that our refusal is an incredible missed opportunity to see the face of God. There is no earthly treasure that beats that.

May 21, 2012Serena
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HELP WANTED: Mothers NeededLife is Short: Discover What Really Matters
Comments: 73
  1. beth
    13 years ago

    I personally feel I am not missing out by not having kids right now. I am married nut our finances are nowhere where they need to be for us to start a family. I also have health problems while I’m not infertile per se there are major health risks if I do try to have kids I have miscarried twice already and the risks of losing a 3 rd and possibily myself is a risk I’m not going to take until I get things under control with my health. Good points though.

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  2. Church Mouse
    13 years ago

    Birth control… you are a brave woman! 🙂

    For years I felt intimidated, overwhelmed, and even fearful at the thought of having children too close together. I really didn’t think I’d be able to handle it. So my husband and I took matters into our own hands. Slowly, slowly God worked on our hearts. I read the verse in Malachi months ago and it hit me like a freight train. I try not to agonize over what could have been and instead focus on my present gifts from the Lord – two beautiful children. We pray that the Lord will see fit to bless us again, but we are now trusting in His timing. Your thoughts are spot on and I only wish I had seen the beauty of God’s design years ago.

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  3. Carol Ann Mustin
    13 years ago

    As a woman, who with her husband, has elected not to procreate I have given lots of thought to this subject. If you have chosen to be a mother you are certainly blessed. But not having kids doesn’t mean that one is cursed or out of harmony with God.
    Just as Paul wrote about marriage or remaining unmarried, each has merit, so is having or not having children. I have the joy of helping with other peoples children and the freedom to go where needed to do that. The money that we don’t spend on our children is available to support God’s work here and in other countries. I will never be called “mother”, but for me being “Aunt Carol” to my blood nieces and nephews as well as the many children for whom I have cared in the absence of their parents, taught in Bible class, and rocked to sleep in worship is reward enough.
    Please be gentle when approaching a woman, young or older, about the subject of children. There may be deep reasons, physical and/or emotional, she decided to not have children. Don’t look down on us, perhaps we understand more than you realize what we are “giving up” by not having children. Perhaps we have done what is better for children by not becoming a mother.

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    • Tiffany
      10 years ago

      Totally agree!

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    • E
      10 years ago

      Amen!

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    • Char
      7 years ago

      Amen, thank you sincerely for a beautiful & honest, blessed post Carol!
      God Bless You!
      Char

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    • Georgina Gonzalez
      6 years ago

      Thank you for this response. There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to have children.
      I am not married and therefore do not have children. I keep getting told that older women should not have children because the Bible says to have children when you are young. What if God has chosen for one to get married at an older age? Should that woman not have a child because of her age?
      There’s too much judgement in this matter.

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    • Tony
      3 years ago

      Not only is sex for procreation, but for pleasure between a married man and woman as well. That is why Paul said it is better to marry than burn with lust (due to the temptation of sexual immorality). He also advises for married couples to live as though they aren’t married. One way to do that practically is to NOT have children. This has to do with limiting worldly cares/reducing anxieties as Paul expresses. Some people with children love to push that on people. Always count the cost. Many make idols out of blessings too (including children and having them).

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      • Jennifer
        1 year ago

        Where would I find this in the new testament? I agree with u, but would like to read it, My name is Jennifer taffymoe@gmail.com,

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  4. Audra
    12 years ago

    Thank you so much for sharing this. You did a beautiful job of keeping God at the forefront. It really helped answer some doubts I’ve been having. God bless

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  5. candy
    11 years ago

    isaiah 54.1 old testament: Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.
    luke 23.29: new testament: For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck. (note: RED WORDS if you have that particular study bible..this is jesus christ HIMSELF!)
    matt 24.19 new testament: And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days! (more red words btw!)

    also jesus & saint paul were childfree…saint paul adamantly so!

    so it is perfectly ok to not have chidren…ESPECIALLY in these last days. according to jesus & paul …the last days started in their time!

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    • Katie
      10 years ago

      Candy – None of those verses are really helpful to this situation… Isaiah 54:1 does not work, it’s talking about the church, not womenkind. The barren woman is singing not because she is barren, but because she (the church, who seems deserted of God) is being reconciled with her husband (God). The children of the desolate are the Gentiles, who are being adopted into the church. She’s not having more children, though she (again, the church) will ‘have more than the married wife’ through the adoption of the Gentiles into the church. This isn’t lauding barrenness.

      Luke 23:29 is referring to the expected extreme persecution and travail, death and destruction. It’s not ‘oh how great having no kids is’ it’s ‘you’ll be better off without them, in this situation’. Same with Matt 24:19. Those who didn’t have kids at least didn’t go through the horrors of losing them or trying to keep a crowd of kids fed in a starving land. Jesus was not suggesting nobody have kids because bad things might happen. It’s simply prophecy. He wasn’t advocating childlessness.

      BTW I don’t have any children by choice.

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      • candy
        10 years ago

        no it is talking about women…pastor says so. i have never heard of your explanation before. that verse is for barren women to take comfort in. they’ll have plenty of children to adopt & raise in heaven since many children have died & will die down here. in heaven we are neither male or female so after the first 20 years (adults by 20 in the bible)..no more kids. thank god…but they will have that time.

        song of solomon is about the church.

        as for luke/matt…you jsut said the same thing i did but in dif words….if jesus says ‘woe to those with children in those last days’ he means business. he knows what he is talking about & its a warning to not have kids……i dont see your problem here but anyway….

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        • Tony
          3 years ago

          Wife and I use birth control too (pull out method). It has worked, but I still get doubts and wonder if i am in sin. Sometimes I think giving up sex but remaining married to be on safe side. There was a period where I allowed a person to get in my head. So i went and decided to stop pulling out. Long story short – wife got pregnant, but fortunately had a miscarriage (We are in no finanicla position to have kids). I was told “God will provide”…translation: you’re gonna have to work double the hours you are now. I came to believe God saw my act of faith (i was like a child, being naive and allowing someone else to determine a major decision. God spared me from living out that person’s ideal for me). I learned not to go to people. No one will make me feel better about choosing not to have kids, but no one will make me feel worse. I cannot say with certainty whether I am sinning in that regard, or not. Here was my mindset: Not only is sex for procreation, but for pleasure between a married man and woman as well. That is why Paul said it is better to marry than burn with lust (due to the temptation of sexual immorality). He also advises for married couples to live as though they aren’t married. One way to do that practically is to NOT have children. This has to do with limiting worldly cares/reducing anxieties as Paul expresses. Some people with children love to push that on people who have no business having children. Many make idols out of blessings too (including children and having them).They value family and the American dream over the kingdom of heaven and of God.

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      • candy
        10 years ago

        i just asked someone else about isaiah & they say that bible prophecies like that often have 3 meanings…so it could be about a church as well…& something else. but whatever…important thing is women who want kids but didnt get them will have plenty in the new life.

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      • Cristi Coats
        6 years ago

        I enjoyed your responses regarding not having children. May I ask why you chose not to have children and if you made that choice permanent with a hysterectomy or other procedure? My husband and I have chosen not to have children. I have taken birth control for about 9 years and I would prefer to get off of the hormones and have a procedure… but I don’t want to live “faithless” by eliminating the possibility of children by my choice, rather than trusting that God will give me children only if He has that blessing in His plans.

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      • Cristi Coats
        6 years ago

        What do you believe, Biblically, regarding the choice not to have children AND to use birth control? My husband and I have chosen not to have children for reasons I do not mind sharing, and I have been taking birth control since we’ve been married. I struggle knowing whether birth control is “playing God” in a sense. Whether it’s the wise choice since we’ve chosen not to have children, or if I should not take birth control as an act of faith and trust in God to make that call. Does that make sense?

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        • Serena
          6 years ago

          That all makes sense. The best thing I know to do is pray!

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          • Cristi
            6 years ago

            Thank you. We have been praying that God would convict us if I ought to stop taking birth control, and we’ve been praying that God would change our hearts if He has called us to be parents.

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    • Tony
      3 years ago

      Not only is sex for procreation, but for pleasure between a married man and woman as well. That is why Paul said it is better to marry than burn with lust (due to the temptation of sexual immorality). He also advises for married couples to live as though they aren’t married. One way to do that practically is to NOT have children. This has to do with limiting worldly cares/reducing anxieties as Paul expresses. Some people with children love to push that on people who have no business having children. Many make idols out of blessings too (including children and having them).

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  6. candy
    11 years ago

    there is plenty more…but you get the gist im sure.

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  7. candy
    11 years ago

    oh & before anyone says “but those are men. its different for women.” uhh no…just no. just no. mother theresa & saint joan of arc never married/had kids either.

    thats just to name a few of many men & women out there who are godly but childfree!

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    • Serena
      11 years ago

      All of the examples you offered were unmarried.

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      • candy
        10 years ago

        what about chrysanthus & his wife daria then? hmmm? they were married but they never had sex or children. they had what is called a ‘virginal marriage’ so any time this dumba/r/s/e/d pope goess off on a tangent about that..he disrespects some of the churchest earliest holy saints…..

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        • Serena
          10 years ago

          Chrysanthus or Daria are not part of the biblical narrative. I have never seen the concept of a virginal marriage in the word of God.

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        • Chris
          6 years ago

          A virginal marriage is an oxymoron it can’t be the marriage is not legitimate because it is not consummated

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          • Emily
            6 years ago

            Chris: Marriage is a covenant between two people before God. It does not need to be consummated. There are instances where this is not physically possible. So please don’t de-value any marriage on the basis of physical consummation. Also, have you considered that Mary and Joseph were considered husband and wife before their marriage was consummated? I think you need to give this some more thought.

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  8. Katherine
    10 years ago

    I Know this is an old post but I’m curious what your response is to this observation. God only gave the command to be fruitful and multiply twice in scripture. Both times the world was literally empty! Because he said it twice it draws my attention to how similar the situations were. Both were new beginnings and there were very few people. Our situation is so vastly different. I know many people argue that those commands are in affect today, but it seems to me that they were given at very specific times in history for a very specific purpose. My husband and I love children and desire a large family but many of the scriptural arguments such as the creation mandate don’t really seem to hold up to sound biblical exegesis. Just curious what your thought were on this topic. Thank you!

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    • Serena
      10 years ago

      The world my not be physically empty but it is certainly spiritually empty. Christians buying into birth control (not saying it is necessarily wrong, but it doesn’t have to be a given) has wiped out a generation of harvesters.

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      • Josh
        9 years ago

        Yeeea, gonna have to disagree with that statement- my wife and I have elected not to have children, we have no desire and do not feel guilty about it in any way. The harvest doesn’t just come from followers of Christ popping out kids- my wife and I are heavily involved in church, youth, and 20’s ministry, the seed we sow being child free produces just as much if not more harvest for the kingdom than if we had children. Kuddos to people who want children, but our kingdom work is just as effective and important child free.

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        • Marley
          8 years ago

          I could not agree more. I believe God has given us the sovereign autonomy to make decisions in our lives, including remaining childfree. Free will is our friend, when used in alignment with God’s will.

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        • Joe Vowles
          7 years ago

          With so many young people dying of drug over doses today there are probably some parents who wished they never had children. The world has moved so far away from God that it looks like Sodom and Gomorrah and the days of Noah when God cleansed the earth with a flood. (Luke 23:29) (Words of Jesus) For indeed the days are coming in which they will say, “Blessed are the barren, the wombs that never bore, and the breasts which never nursed!” (2. Peter 3:5-7) 5 For this they willfully forget: that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of water and in the water, 6 by which the world that then existed perished, being flooded with water. 7 But the heavens and the earth which are now preserved by the same word, are reserved for fire until the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men. Praise God for all who put God first, and lead others to the saving grace of God by the shed blood of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ. MARRIED OR SINGLE.

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        • Cristi Coats
          6 years ago

          I know this post is pretty old, but I agree with your standpoint of ministry and not having children. My husband and I are in the same place and planning either a hysterectomy or vasectomy. May I ask, did you have a hysterectomy? How do you feel about a permanent procedure to prevent children?

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  9. candy
    10 years ago

    be fruitful & multiply is not a command. it doesnt say do that or go to hell. but you’re right in saying that it was when no one was around.

    as for today..we dont need any more people. we are over populated & also jesus humself says ‘woe to those who give suck in those last days” (matt) & also “weep not for me but for those with children in the last days (luke)…two times he warns about kids in the last days..

    america has just bought 30 thousand guillotines in 2013 & they are now legal in the state of georgia as of a couple months ago. however that was just recently. altogether america has 102 thousand guillotines underground & ready to go. a friend of my mother’s saw them when a box broke open & out fell a guillotine. this will …or rather is about to..fulfil a bible prophecy of saints beheaded for the witness of jesus.

    it is no longer appropriate to bring more children into this world. armegeddon is very close & is NO place for small children….for anyone really.

    good luck.

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    • Serena
      10 years ago

      I would venture to say that our view of eschatology is quite different.

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      • candy
        10 years ago

        most likely but thats not a problem as god says he has people in every fold. 🙂

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  10. candy
    10 years ago

    also two more things “be fruitful & multiply” is A be fruitful…spread the word of god…& multiply..bring more people to heaven…so not al labout farting out brats. also B…it is an old testemant command & most people consider it obsolete…..

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    • Serena
      10 years ago

      “Farting out brats”? This must be a joke.

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      • Ray
        7 years ago

        Unfortunately, that’s not a joke. These childfree types, the ones who hold being childfree as central to their identity, are deeply misanthropic and they can’t help but revel the darkness and rot in their hearts through the vulgar language they use to describe children and childbirth. These ideologies are dangerous. They aren’t just rational people who have a different opinion.

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        • Tammy
          5 years ago

          Well said and I agree!

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  11. candy
    10 years ago

    you & i are not part of the biblical narrative either…using that screwed up logic, we can never hope to be saints or go to heaven or hell. seriously … ‘sigh’

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  12. candy
    10 years ago

    no thats my reply whenever someone tries to bully me into having kids. been saying it since i was 5 & im now nearly 40.

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    • Dan
      10 years ago

      Ladies,

      Wow! First, let me say that they animosity here is a bit frightening… I came to this site in search of an answer to a question my wife and I had regarding children; what I have found is making me rather sad.
      Not having kids, not feeling their love, their connection, is a choice that each of us must make in their lives. It should not be done if one feels unprepared or unfit for the duties involved.
      Having said that, I have to ask; why the vehemence? Why the anger and the snarky comments to those who disagree? We each of us have a ministry, a goal that God alone has designed us for… some of us will bear and raise children, some will not; however, that is not a reason for the decidedly un-Christlike responses that are being displayed here.
      As far as the crude reference to childbirth… that type of thought process may have been amusing at 5, but at 40 it is a tad bit sad… Paul says in his second letter to the church at Corinth…”We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. 4 We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. 5 We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:3-5
      As a father of children, mine by birth, those I have adopted and step-children, I can say honestly that kid’s or not; we all have the ability to be parents, to raise up children in the Lord. We can do this through our service, our love and our teaching. I realize that this site is about and for people who “CHOOSE” whether or not to bring children into their marriage and this world; however, remember that everything we do and say is a reflection of Christ. Treat the subject matter and each other with love and gentleness.

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      • candy
        10 years ago

        this from a guy with kids & therefore doesnt know what he’s talking about. look, women get more pressure than men about kids. you try living your life without kids & nver having them, most people wont say anything you being a guy. but try being a girl & having no kids forever…& in my case no sex either. im like sherlock holmes..born without hormones…& yes we are born this way. jesus himself says so in mathew (using the archaic term eunuch).

        but for a girl here’s some shit people say to women who dont want to be mothers:

        oh you’l change your mind.
        why not?
        your mother had you!
        when are you going to start having kids?
        its your duty! you’ll go to hell if you dont have kids (i got this one from some islamic idiot…battled him for 3 months & eventually loaded his email up with xrated gay porn..got him off my case in a hurry. islam equals instant homophobes…thank god!)
        you’ll end up alone!
        that isnt the same thing (in referencing working at daycares or having pets)
        but your owe your parents grandchildren!
        you were a kid once!
        how can you be so selfish?
        you dont know what you’re missing.
        but you need someone to take care of you when you’re old.
        when are you going to start having kids?
        who will weep oer your grave?
        you’re beautiful & sexy! you should use that!
        you need to prove you’re a woman!
        oh im sorry i didnt know you were infertile. ohhh you must be soooo sad!
        tick tock!
        when are you going to start having kids?
        oh but babies are so much fun!
        it doesnt really hurt! you forget the pain & then you’ll want more!
        you’re not normal!
        how can you keep a man if you dont give him children (or sex)?
        when are you going to start having kids?
        you say that now but jsut wait a year or two. it’ll hit you like lightening!

        the list goes on & on….you try putting up with that crap for 40 damn years…you’ll lose it to trust me!

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        • Serena
          10 years ago

          Candy, I promote dialog here. I am not opposed to debate. But when comments become harsh I will delete. If you want to comment here, please no mean spirited or vulgar responses.

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          • Tammy
            5 years ago

            Right..vexed my spirit. Candy isn’t so sweet.

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        • lynn
          10 years ago

          Candy,
          I hear you. I understand what you are saying. People can be very judgemental and speak from their own places of hurt and insecurities as well as speaking from their own convictions. When it gets to a point where we feel judged by someone else’s convictions or words we need to get alone with God and let Him minister to us and let Him speak to our hearts. He can soothe where we have been hurt and show us where we need to shore up our beliefs. He is firm but gentle, He is patient and He will allow us to come to Him.

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        • Kate
          8 years ago

          This attitude makes me sad. That there are people who claim to be followers of Jesus but are so hateful to not only other believers, but the rest of the population. It is no wonder people think the church is a place of burning judgement. We are supposed to love and not condemn. Jesus never said “go out and cut other’s down to see how they are sinners and that way by shaming others they will be converted” he said “Go therefore and make disciples” we do this by loving people. We are called to love people not judge. In fact the bible says Matt. 7:2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. So be warned that however severe you judge, it will come back to bite you on judgement day. This is sobering to us ALL.

          I just… don’t even know what to say here. God is unchanging here are biblical verses to back up the fact that God is never changing:

          Numbers 23:19
          19 God is not human, that he should lie,
          not a human being, that he should change his mind.
          Does he speak and then not act?
          Does he promise and not fulfill?

          Hebrews 13:8
          8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

          James 1:17
          17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

          So when God says something we trust that it is true today, yesterday and forever. Because that is who God is. God is trustworthy, our compass that always points perfectly north. We live and breath and die by His word, and His word alone. So if God has called children a blessing they are and will ALWAYS be a blessing. Yesterday, today and forever.

          This “don’t have kids in the last days” is not saying don’t have children. It is saying in “the last days” which is a VERY specific period of time in the great tribulation – the last 3.5 years of the great tribulation before Jesus comes back, Jesus specifically says Matthew 24:17-21 (NLV)
          17 The man who is on the top of his house should not come down to take anything out of his house. 18 The man who is in the field should not go back to get his coat. 19 It will be hard for a woman who will soon be a mother. It will be hard for the ones feeding babies in those days! 20 Pray that you will not have to go in the winter or on the Day of Rest. 21 In those days there will be very much trouble and pain and sorrow. It has never been this bad from the beginning of the world and never will be again.

          He literally says It will be hard for a woman who will soon be a mother or women nursing babies “in those days”! He NEVER once mentions children are brats! Your heart has been hardened and it happens to everyone with something in their heart. Heart’s get hardened from being hurt by sinful people and from the fact that we ARE sinful people. But what we do with that defines what kind of person we are. Do we let ourselves stew in bitterness and anger or do we get up out of the mud and walk with God and allow him to come in and change our hearts to be more like Christ. Jesus loved little children!
          Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

          I am working through my own kidsphobia and am undecided whether or not I have the CHARACTER to have them. To be that selfless and give up so much of myself. I am praying that God will change my heart. I do want to do the thing that is best for my soul, to become less self-centered. I don’t like kids, I don’t like being around them, but I KNOW that is not what Christ is like therefore I know I want to change. I need healing. I need to figure out where this dislike of kids comes from and ask God to change my heart. He alone can do that it is not something I can muster up in myself. The decision to have kids needs to be placed in God’s hands and I just want him to heal me from this bitter crusty area in my heart so I can learn to love children. Whether this results in kids or not is yet to be seen.

          I just want to tell you and warn you that this is not the way that Jesus lived – to sit in the mire and stew in anger and he has so much more for you. He calls us to be compassionate, to have kindness, gentleness and all the fruits of the spirit. John 15:8 says “When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.” What is the fruit in your life? Compassion? Love? Grace? Pateince? Kindness? or is it anger, resentment, hostility? Jesus said his true disciples will produce good fruit. This is a message for all of us but I wanted to challenge you with these verses. You don’t need to be a captive to anger. Jesus can set you free from that bondage.

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        • Tammy
          5 years ago

          You are truly something else..

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      • Tiffany
        10 years ago

        Your right, Dan. God Bless!

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      • Tiffany
        10 years ago

        You’re right, Dan. God Bless!

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      • Tammy
        5 years ago

        Very well said Dan. I wholeheartedly agree..

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  13. JVD
    10 years ago

    I am 25 years old and unmarried and 9 days ago I made the decision (as in had the surgery) to have my tubes tied. I have deep emotional/health reasons for not wanting biological children, and I spoke about these reasons with my mother, my sister, and one of the ladies I respect most that I worship with. All agreed with my reasons for not having children, and all agreed that I was making a very “mature” decision at such a “young” age. So my question is, what about adoption? Due to health issues, I feel like the option of having biological children had been ripped from me, (thus spurring my decision to make sure there’s no chance once I’m married that I’ll accidentally get pregnant), but there’s nothing on this earth I want to accomplish more than being a Godly mother. So adoption is my option. Is that wrong?

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    • Kate
      8 years ago

      Not at all, we are supposed to care for the orphans and the widows. What a blessing it is that you could adopt a child who has otherwise been cast aside and bring them in and love them and show them the love of Jesus.

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  14. Randy
    10 years ago

    I’m 42 now, never had a girlfriend, never been married, no desire to have kids, i prefer to live alone, less distractions, so i can focus on intellectual pursuits, researching and studying various subjects.

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  15. Marcus Beck
    9 years ago

    Hello, This message goes out to those hoping to adopt Babies. Here is a great opportunity for you to adopt baby/babies, set of twins, singles (boys and girls) Marcus Adoption Home will give you all your total satisfaction and guide you on how to adopt any baby of your choice so that you can have a child under your own arms. intetested couples, persons should kindly contact Mr Marcus Beck via Email: marcusadoptionhome@yahoo.com

    +225 5418 5820

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  16. andy
    9 years ago

    I once read a bible which had a verse similar to this: ‘ and in the end times, no more children will be born.’ I have never been able to find it since, no Google search reproduces it. I know that the bible say ” woe to those who give suck in the end times, but this is different, can anyone locate this verse?

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  17. Andt Taylor
    9 years ago

    also God tells us that he makes children for his own pleasure.

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  18. Mike Schurmann
    8 years ago

    I am 53 now, and when I was 35 I decided to never have children.
    There is a verse in either the old or new testament (saw it somewhere) that say if a person chooses to not have children that God will curse you. So at 53 I am beginning to believe that the curse really is true.
    We are held in contempt and suspicion in any neighborhood we move into because we don’t have kids and everyone around us regards us as selfish I guess- why is that? Isn’t it the exact opposite to NOT split your genes and add another crying mouth to the almost 8 billion already on this planet?
    If people knew how terrifying it is to choose to be alone, to choose being alone as you approach old age, they would realize the serious commitment to self-support childless people choose to make, and they should stop calling us selfish and stop cursing us with their fear and contempt.
    Their contempt borne from fearing people who they don’t understand.
    The curse is not real.
    God doesn’t curse- people curse others through fear, contempt, then ostracization- either socially or economically, until you have no choice but to repack and move on to a new city.
    Neighborhoods can be so cruel to people who have chosen to be just a tiny shade different from them.

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  19. Wes
    8 years ago

    Looks to me like the Christian women of today have succumbed to the godless wicked feminist movement and are trying to fit roles they simply were not designed for. A true bible following woman will note… They are a help meet for the man… they are to bare children and guide the home… they are to be submissive and obedient to their husbands…
    God did not design women to work for an employer, to rule over men, or to function in any leadership capacity in the church.
    If any woman struggles with these concepts ask yourself… Are you led by the spirit of God or the spirit of this world?

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    • Robin
      4 years ago

      👏👏👏👏👏 truth

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  20. Janine
    8 years ago

    I’m responding to Wes. As a youngish woman in the modern world I find that more often than not the role of being a man is forced on me. I have to be the bread winner, the boss, the decision maker, the fixer of problems, the strong one, the leader. At work, at home and spiritually. It’s exhausting. On top of this I have to be the emotional one, the caregiver, the nurturer. I feel so torn between what is expected of me by everybody and everything. I can’t be a mother and be the man, so what do I do? This world has turned me into a man whilst still demanding I be a woman. Sometimes I’m like “Thanks feminism, you’ve defeated all the men in the world and taken their burdens and put it on us.” But I know this is not their fault. This is just my experience and those of some of my friends. I know it’s not like that for everyone. Of course, I am a feminist by its dictionary definition and not it’s radical application. I believe we deserve equal rights. What I wish though is that I could be a woman with equal rights to men and not a women with the equal role of a man. It’s confusing. Oh yes, to a previous comment, submission is a holy thing. Jesus Christ washed his disciples feet. It’s not an ugly thing like it’s portrayed. It’s powerful and strong. Just like women are. But hearing it said by a man makes me suspicious of his intentions for saying it. Does he understand submission or is he asking me to make him a sandwich? I mean no disrespect to men, it’s just how I feel. Wes, you’ve defined our whole purpose in a few sentences. You make it sound so simple. Women are people. Complicated, complex, dynamic people. We have dreams, hopes and aspirations that extend the family unit. We are capable of doing so much. To simplify our purpose into a mere sentence is the reason why radical feminists exist in the first place.

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    • Sarah
      7 years ago

      Janine, bravo!! Wow!! You must be a writer or a journalist, because boy did you come back with the perfectly worded response! I agree wholeheartedly!!

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  21. Candy
    7 years ago

    Well I cant find my article i wrote that included all the verses ☹️ so i will just post the verses for it:

    All from OLD kjv:

    OT Isaiah 54.1

    NT !red words! matt 24.19

    NT !red words! Luke 23.29

    Furthermore jesus & paul dont have children.

    be fruitful & multiply is OT only & directed first to adam/eve & then to noah & co…..it is NOT meant for everyone hence why we have an OT blessing about no children in isaiah without having a contradiction.

    Finally, 1st tim 2.14 AND 15 (most people conveniently forget about verse 14) says that in childbaring “she” shall be saved….who is the she? Read verse 14: she is eve.. Modern bibles remove eves name & put in the word women…..but most of these bibles forget to change the word she to they, a major grammatical error (of course you will get idiots trying to say that she can mean all womenkind…..shut up & check an older bible).

    There is a certain faith out there (JWs) who say adam/eve are going to hell but that passage proves eve at least is going to heaven so they had to save face some how. Originally though this NT passage is meant for eve…& eve alone. No one alive today is eve so no amount of childbaring is going to save any of us….that is just for eve.

    So. Yeah there is that….

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  22. Gerald
    7 years ago

    What do you married women do to avoid pregnancy and childbearing? I’m not addressing those who are infertile and unable to bear children, persistent miscarriages, etc.

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    • Cristi Coats
      6 years ago

      I have been taking birth control for 9 years. I’m married and at first, we planned on eventually having children. For over 4 years, we have both felt very strongly about not having children. My husband is a minister and we have served in children’s, youth, and small group ministries. We have been able to bless other families and children, I believe, a couple with their own children would not be able to. We are planned Mt to have a permanent procedure- hysterectomy or vasectomy, but I don’t want to go that route if it’s a display of lack of faith or trust that God would keep us childless or give us children if He chose. What are your thoughts on birth-control or a permanent procedure purely by choice (not due to health issues) being within God’s will or playing God?

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  23. Betty
    7 years ago

    Fruitful, does it meanv,only having children? Are we not fruitful without children, doing the will of God. Be fruitful and fill the earth with God’s Goodness. We do not all bear the same Fruit and God chooses and uses others for His own Purpose and For His Glory.

    I can still be Fruitful yet not have any children if this is God’s Will.

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  24. Elle
    7 years ago

    I discovered this site to be educated and valid my opinion on having childfree life. all the relevant verse are already posted so no need for me to pointed it out. I guess as a woman of Christ it is important to be respectful to others. Without taking offense to other man or woman. And I believe that feminism is not contradicted to the bible but rather supported by it “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). Let’s not be misguided with being “submissive” or “womanhood” as just bearing a child.

    I’m 27 and living in a third world country, whatever you just talking about; overpopulated, illegal abortion, malnourished children, uneducated, unloved, parents who choose to work overseas to give their children a future, children who missed turned out to hate their parents, teen pregnancy, unguided children, un-Christian like environment etc, I’ve seen it, we’re living on it. So, i guess what i’m trying to say is that i don’t want to bring a child in this kind of world. They deserve better than this. I might not be a big contributor to change the world but this is one way for me to help at least for my unborn children and not adding to the population. And I have to face whatever consequences for my decision but it is sad to see that some of us who decided to have a childfree life felt to be defensive and be judged by it. Yes, I guess the author was just trying to be nice that it is good to have kids because it is indeed a blessing no doubt on that.

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  25. Jax
    6 years ago

    I love god. But I believe it is sexist and belittling to say that all God wants a woman to do is multiply. Im on the verge of leaving the Christian community in the dust, and living my Cf life in peace.

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    • Emily
      6 years ago

      Hi Jax, so sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. Unfortunately many of the comments on here are quite sad. Frankly, the preoccupation with having children can become an idol. If you study the Bible carefully, no where will you find an absolute command for women to bear children. I believe the Lord left that up to each person’s decision. What the Bible does make clear is that children are a gift from Him and that your decision to have or not to have them should be to advance His kingdom. Always find your identity in Christ and His finished work, not in your ability or decision to have children. Hope this helps!

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    • Danielle C.
      6 years ago

      The Bible says do not put your faith in man for man will always fail, but to trust in God. Choosing to leave your brothers and sisters in Christ due to your feelings about misunderstandings is from your trust in man and is a curse to do so. (Jeremiah 17:5-6)
      Hebrews 10:25 says do not neglect assembly together. We are all looking for truth and none of us know it all. I hope this helps. Admonishing in love 🥰

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  26. Danielle C.
    6 years ago

    In the original Hebrew language the meaning of being fruitful and multiply was in regards to work, it had nothing to do with bearing children. Fruitful in the original language meant to be productive. Think about it, we must first be productive to establish an inheritance to give to our children, not have children first with no inheritance. God was saying to Adam and Eve to find their passion, put their hands to work and be productive together. To govern, take care of, have dominion over the world and every living thing in it.

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  27. Shannon
    4 years ago

    I’m coming in really late to the party, but I wanted to mention something. In 2005 I got into a car wreck and broke my pelvis. I was 28. The doctors don’t know why, but some extra bone grew in my hip socket which made, um, assuming most positions impossible. What worked for me did not work for my husband. I had to wait seven years to get a hip replacement. Since I have bipolar and my husband has medical and anxiety issues, our medications put a huge damper on any sex life we wanted to have…not to mention the possibility of not being able to take my meds while pregnant! And we won’t even discuss the medical bills.

    I say all this to say that there are many reasons someone might not have kids…I’ve been called selfish or made to feel like I “failed” as a woman. Since I’m 43 that last part is a *huge* source of upset. I’m afraid it might be too late, that I waited too long and I’ve completely screwed everything up. That I’ve let God down. But the way I see it is that this sort of thing is ultimately up to God to decide. He might decide to give us a child, He might not, but I figure that taking care of our own health needs (not to mention financial ability!) is the only thing we can do right now. Otherwise we’d be no help to a child. I have godchildren, nephews and we’ve talked of fostering and/or adoption. If that’s what God wants. Like I said, it’s up to Him.

    May God bless you and keep you.

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Serena
13 years ago 74 Comments Marriage, Motherhood, Womanhoodchoosing to not have children, created purpose, motherhood48,426
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