January 4, 2014. One year of grieving passed. January 5, 2014. Second year of grieving commenced.
I knew the anniversary of my son’s death would be a pit I had to carefully navigate. I did.
Those word’s “my son’s death” are still hard to type. They still pierce me. They still give me a nauseous feeling in my stomach. Although the pain is still there, the intensity has dulled. My awareness of grief has dulled. With that, my interest in life has dulled.
I have slowly sunk into a new pit, a pit where apathy has replaced my agony.
Food has lost its flavor. Music has lost its soul. Living has become an irritation. Sleep is my drug of choice.
My spirit no longer cries out. My prayers no longer whisper through the night. The heart of my soul has all but quit beating.
I am weary from grief. Psalm 119:28
I realized this weekend that although God understands, he wants me to live again, really live. Surviving isn’t a testimony. Resurrection is.
I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest. John 10:10
Today I want to be resurrected. I want to be a display of the power of the resurrection. I want resurrection to be my testimony. And here’s how I’m going to do it.
1. Intentionally move toward Jesus.
Today I will purpose my steps to move toward Jesus. I will take a step. I will reach out my hand. I will bow down before the Great I AM.
She came forward, shaking. She bowed down before Jesus. While everyone listened, she told why she touched him. Then she said that she was healed immediately when she touched him. Jesus said to her, “My daughter, you are made well because you believed. Go in peace.” Luke 8:47-48
2. Hide in the Word.
Even when I don’t feel like doing it. Even when my heart doesn’t yearn for it. Even when my desire isn’t craving for it. I will read the Bible.
I lie in the dust; revive me by your word.
I told you my plans, and you answered. Now teach me your decrees.
Help me understand the meaning of your commandments,
and I will meditate on your wonderful deeds.
I weep with sorrow; encourage me by your word.
Keep me from lying to myself; give me the privilege of knowing your instructions.
Psalm 119:25-29
3. Claim my joy.
Joy is a choice I will make today. Joy will be my choice to respond to my circumstances with triumph, because joy is my strength. Joy doesn’t just give me strength. It is strength. Today, I claim joy and strength. I will claim it with a desperate grip.
Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength! Neh. 8:10
Maybe for you it is some other kind of loss or trial that the devil has used to rob you of your zest for life. Will you reclaim it? Will you move toward Jesus? Will you find shelter in the Word of God? And will you reach out and grab your life line of joy.
Today, will you let Jesus the Christ resurrect your old bones and give you new life?
I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! Phil. 3:10-11
I want to pray for you today. Post a comment with your need. I will pray for each one. I will pray for your resurrection.
