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My Daughters

Jada Blue

Let me introduce you to my third-born child. In just a few days she’ll be turning 7. As we prepare for the celebration I can’t help but reflect on my pregnancy with her.  You see, this child changed me. Come, if you would, on a little journey into my past.

In December of 2000 I gave birth to our first child, a son.  I knew the whole time he was a boy, even before I had a positive pregnancy test.  The ultrasound never confirmed it, but I knew he was a boy and planned accordingly.   Two and half years later the Lord blessed my womb again and I was equally sure that this was another boy.  I KNEW this because I was unfit to raise daughters. God certainly saw this same inability as well.  I made a deal with my Father that I would raise godly sons for him, warriors for the kingdom.

As I sat in a dim ultrasound room with Daniel and Noah Kaydan waiting outside, the technician asked, “Do you want to know the gender?”

“Oh sure,” I said, knowing that her words would confirm my mother’s intuition.”

“IT’S A GIRL!”

Why was she smiling at me?  Did she think this was going to be good news to me?  Well, I couldn’t blame her.  She had no idea about my defects of femininity.  My heart sank.  I snarled at God and said in my heart, “You’ve made a terrible mistake.”  My husband and big brother came in.  As they looked at her dancing on the ultrasound screen and they laughed.

The ride home was quiet.  I contemplated.  I was afraid.  I was afraid of this little girl making all the mistakes that I made.  I was afraid to guard her purity.  I was afraid that she would walk my path of disobedience. I was afraid I would ruin her.

When she was 11 months old we found out we were expecting again.  Certainly God would right the wrong.

Again, as I sat in a similar room, having another ultrasound, I found out I was having another little girl.  This time God gently said to my heart, “My dear, it wasn’t a mistake.  I made you to raise women for Me.”

“ME?! WHAT? You know what I’ve done.  You know what I am.”  Again, as only a gentle Father can do, He said, “I know.”

“I know,” He said again.  The truth flooded my spirit that day.   My Father knew it all, not just my sins, mistakes and failures, but He knew my potential.  He showed me that day He created me for more than dodging my past and parenting from a spirit of fear.

We named her Jada, which means “wise” in Hebrew.  Wise.  God is wise.  Who am I to question Him?  I girded myself for the challenge of raising two little girls.  I was blessed.

A couple more years pass and the rest of the story goes… I had another girl… and ANOTHER girl.  Double exclamation marks on my Father’s decree.

So as I plan a party and invite family and friends, the celebration of Jada’s birth means more than another year or a reason to eat cake.  It is my reminder that God purposed for me to raise godly women for His glory.

“May our sons flourish in their youth like well-nurtured plants. May our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace” (Psalm 144:12).

update: 4/20/16 I just found out I am having girl #6 

Mar 6, 2012Serena
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"It's Not FAIR!"Ugh... Dinner Again?
Comments: 8
  1. Suzanne
    9 years ago

    Serena – I love this! I love that you can see God’s hand in every aspect of your life. I love that you accept His instruction and guidance so graciously. It makes me wonder why you questioned your ability to raise girls! The Lord needs warrior women in His service, too! It’s funny, but I had a similar reaction when I found out our second child was a boy. I thought: “I can’t raise a godly man! I’m not equipped!” but then I was blessed with a strong little boy with a gentle spirit and a great big heart. I don’t know when I’ll stop telling God “I can’t”, but He will continue to patiently show me I can. Bless you and the good work you do. This might be my favorite blog, ever.

    ReplyCancel
    • Serena
      9 years ago

      I was a very sinful teenager. Once I put on Christ that past haunted me. I felt like any daughter I had was destined to the same fate.

      ReplyCancel
      • JaneAnn
        9 years ago

        Serena Kay,

        Your story makes me cry because I bear the burden of all of the mistakes that I made being your mother. But the Lord has blessed you richly. I look upon you as a strong, faithful servant unto the Lord. And you are raising children that never cease to amaze me with the love that they show for God. I see it in every thing they do. God knew that you would be a wonderful Mother, an example of what a Christian woman should be. As you struggled through your teens, God had a plan for your future. He knew that you would let your light shine as a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, and a grandaughter, but most importantly as a faithful servant to the Lord. I have great respect for you and am so glad that God blessed me to be your mother. With much joy, I am thankful to call you my sister in Christ.
        Love, Mom
        P.S. Tell my sweet JadaBlue Happy Birthday!!!

        ReplyCancel
        • Serena
          9 years ago

          🙂 Thanks Mom!

          ReplyCancel
  2. Jennifar
    9 years ago

    Serena,

    That was one of the most vulnerable and beautiful posts I’ve ever read….anywhere….ever. Thank you for determining to take off “the mask” and be a REAL woman for God! I’ve never met your sweet Jada, but this I know: she is blessed to have you as her mommy because the Spirit of the one who created her is shining out of you. Keep up the great blog, girl!

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    • Serena
      9 years ago

      a humble thank you 🙂 I’ve purposed to be real with my struggles because I know so many women are suffering in solitude like I did. This week I have had numerous, heartfelt, lonely cries from women of God who feel like their weakness is a sign of unfaithfulness of some sort. Let’s be real about what’s happening in our lives and invite Jesus in to each broken piece of our heart to do what he does best- HEAL US!

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  3. Karita
    9 years ago

    Your post made me misty eyed! I’ve felt the same way from past struggles and sin! Like, “God,, how can I be worthy for …” and feeling like I have to constantly make up for the things that I’ve done in my past. I’ve had wise counsel to say that our greatest struggles can be turned into our greatest victories, if we choose to allow God to heal us and to use our past experiences for others.

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  4. Maggie Bacon
    4 years ago

    Serena, I believe you were the kind of teenager you were so when you did become a mom you would know what you didn’t want for your daughters. God was paving the way even back then. It amazes me how much you know at your age. May God bless you through out your life.

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Serena
9 years ago 8 Comments MotherhoodGod's purpose, purity, raising daughters, sin416
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