“For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth— the one who accuses them before our God day and night.” Rev 12:10
I have an accuser.
He accuses me with lies. He dangles thoughts of doubt, fear, and insignificance before me. He tempts me to believe there is more for me out there than what God is offering. His mission is to cripple me. His end desire is to steal, kill, destroy and devour me (John 10:10, 1 Pet 5:8).
The bible says my accuser is Satan.
I think I go through a lot of days blinded to his tactics (2 Cor. 4:4). But during our Captivating retreat this weekend, I heard many of the false accusations that Satan is using against us.
- It’s all my fault.
- I’m not beautiful.
- I have nothing to offer.
- I’m not worth loving.
- I’m not worth redeeming.
Hearing the accusations other women deal with revealed my own. Because of my faults and sins, I hear the enemy say, “Daniel deserves a better wife than you. He deserves someone who won’t hurt him. You aren’t worth loving.”
When I hear these accusations I withdraw in my cycle of shame and regret. I see all the mistakes of my past. I am haunted by my failures. Because I believe the accusations, I retreat and pull away from my husband. I hide in the mundane duties of the day.
In the past two weeks I have heard these lies, or forms of them, over and over in my mind. One day at breakfast my seven-year old daughter said, “When I grow up I want to be just like Mommy!” My only thought, “No you don’t. You don’t know what I’ve done.” In my guilt, I see no qualities worth redeeming.
This weekend God used one of my sisters to speak truth in places of the lies. She said, “There IS no better wife for Daniel.” I processed that for a second. She repeated, “There is no better wife for Daniel because God created you just for him.” That truth flooded me. I have always thought about that “what ifs.” What if Daniel married a different kind of girl? What if he would have just had the strength to leave me when we were dating? He would be better off without me. But the truth is, God makes perfect plans. God didn’t just pick me for Daniel, God designed me for him.
For almost fifteen years I have been bound by this chain. Today I am released.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. – Jesus