Losing Faith in Religion

We sat across the table from a married couple who couldn’t contain their grief. The pain was still raw.

We had heard stories of abuse inflicted by parents, spouses and strangers, but today the story was different. It wasn’t a bad guy. It was a church.

The devastation was real.

I tried to convince them that not all churches were like that. That not all churches would betray you or abandon you, that not all churches would say mean things or keep secrets. I tried to convince them to be vulnerable again.

She said, “I want God. I love God. I just don’t like religion.”

I heard versions of this before. I heard frustration over hypocrites, poor leadership and downright sin. They wanted God but they were done with religion.

At the time I found myself frustrated trying to break through. I wanted them to see how important church is. Today I find myself needing the break through.

I am see myself increasingly disconnected and disinterested in church. Not God, not people, just church.

How did I get here?

The months of meeting with only fraction of the church body, social distancing which inevitably turned into spiritual distancing and disagreements within our group have left me dull.

Over the years of my writing I always have made an effort to come full circle in my moment. I have shared brokenness in my marriage, myself and our home. I have shared the healing my marriage, myself and my home. I’m not sure if I can bring this one full circle yet.

I’m not sure I have the answer or the AHA! moment. What I do have is an apology for you. If you have struggled with this and been made to feel less, I am sorry. I want you to know that this 28 year Christian and 22 years preacher’s wife feels it too.

I feel like I am done with religion. I feel like I am done with man-made rules and less-than-Christ grace being doled out in heapfuls.

So here I am. I am sitting in this spot mostly content to be here. I’m not sure what’s next.

I still believe in the beautiful household of God. I have a deep desire for sincere fellowship and bonds of unity. I am just not sure where that is these days.

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit. Eph. 2:19-22

Serena
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Comments: 18
  1. steve
    3 years ago

    Hebrews 13 has especially powerful, practical principles and reassurances for just such a time as this! May the Lord see you (us all, together) safely through to the ‘other side’ of the present distresses.

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    • 3 years ago

      Yes! Hebrews is full of applicable verses.
      Heb 10:19 Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

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      • 3 years ago

        There is “a day” approaching. Whether it refers to persecution or the Second Coming, we have to be ready for the day. Instead of prepping for battle, the church, by and large, is retreating.

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  2. Sandi
    3 years ago

    Yes, I can relate. I was feeling that way before COVID hit. And even years before that I thought the church needed something “different.” A persecution maybe to wake up its believers? I didn’t know. I just knew we were caught in a rut. And we needed to wake up and get excited again. Thank you for being so hope and honest. I love you, sis.

    Please pray for me. I go in for a biopsy today.

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  3. Sandi
    3 years ago

    “hope” should be “open.” sigh

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  4. Dan Madrigal
    3 years ago

    I think it is indicative of the tendency that we have in trying to convert people to the church instead of Christ. There are those who will spend much time and effort to get the “prospect” to understand every aspect of the church before they even enter into discussions about the grace of God and the plan of salvation. This approach manifests itself in ways within the body of Christ as well – because we emphasize the concept of brethren to being “faithful” to the church, which usually revolves around the assembly. While we do not want to undercut the importance of assembling, there needs to be a greater connection to doing so, so as to honor God and glorify our Lord. Adding in the mixture of the current issues that are dividing our culture, we end up with a situation where brethren are at each other’s throats as well. Needless to say, the devil is still master of this world and seeking whom he may devour.

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    • 3 years ago

      Yes! I see all of that playing out. I pray for his grace to abound and bonds of spiritual unity to eclipse all divisions in the body.

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  5. Paul Thrower
    3 years ago

    I hear you loud and clear, sister. Satan has attacked the church from the beginning, but it drives me crazy that christians seem to filter scriptures through the so called “science” (which has vascilated all over the map, often contradicting themselves – yet it seems to have authority, not scriptures). You used the phrase “dying on the vine”, and I couldn’t have said it better – that’s where I’m at. It doesn’t alleviate my frustration when people say, “when this is over…” It’s a far cry from New Testament christianity in my opinion, and I’ve never read the verse saying, “physical contact can be suspended in case of viruses”. Just venting.

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    • 3 years ago

      We have to keep preaching the truth in every circumstance. The father of lies is in full swing.

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  6. Barbara
    3 years ago

    I find myself in similar shoes and have found myself in prayer repeating Hebrews 13:23 back to God, saying “I know you keep your promises” (through tears); “I don’tknow how or when or why”. Sometimes it gives me peace; sometimes it gives me strength; sometimes it draws me closer to Him. It always keeps me going until the next prayer. And that is all he asks of us is that complete surrender of trust in Him. He will make it work!

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  7. Andra
    3 years ago

    Hey, Serena, I’m sorry you are going through this. I have been stuck in this place for almost a year now. When my membership was revoked from joining the last church that I’d poured myself into for three years due to a nasty divorce case when I finally decided to get free from my abuser, it completely took the wind out of my sails (and there wasn’t much wind left as divorcing a narcissist is one of the hardest, most dangerous things you can do).

    I needed a long respite from the revictimizatuon doled out by religious people and the Lord saw me and was with me. Now, I am anxious to start visiting around and finally find my new faith family, but I’m scared and anxious. Plus, most churches are still not meeting due to the pandemic, so it’s really hard. I miss fellowship with other believers but I am at a loss regarding how to find a truly safe church for me and my kids.

    In the meantime, I have signed up to take a 4 week course called “Rebuild” led by Bob and Polly Hamp. It is for such a time as this: the deconstruction of our faith in religion and rebuilding our faith and hope in Jesus. I am hopeful this will help get me unstuck. I highly recommend Bob and Polly Hamp. Their leadership and teaching have been such a salve for my weary heart and they love God and people so much.

    I pray the Lord is near as you go through this time of deconstruction. Love you.

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  8. Andra
    3 years ago

    ❤❤❤

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  9. Samantha
    3 years ago

    Someone sent me this, and I’ve been hesitant to even open it and read it. I think it was sent to me because they knew my history with you. Then I got confirmation in an odd way to read it.

    As hard as this is to even sit and type because of fear of backlash, I think it now is the time you may need to read these words.

    The same church I attended with you was that church for me in the beginning of this post. I was completely devastated. Everything had been ripped from my hands. EVERYTHING. Without explanation, without care, and without consideration. At least that’s how it looked in my eyes so many years ago. I had lost trust in all people that attended a church, and I still question motives to this day. The effects still ripple throughout my everyday life. As time has gone by I am beginning to realize that I think the situation was, how do I put this….I think people lied and I think people fed off emotions. As typical imperfect humans (including myself) do. Fellow congregation members who I trusted, who I loved, who I shared this life with would no longer speak to me. It was like I had this black mark on my back and was no longer a Christian or even a human to be associated with in their eyes. Do you understand the complete devastation that has on a young Christian? One who may not fully understand the word?

    Harsh? It is, but it’s truth. It’s get better keep reading.

    What truly was going on I did not see until several years later. It was our Lord. Pulling me out. He knew I wouldn’t leave on my own. I know you probably may not agree with that, but God’s picture of our lives is much grander then what we can see. He knows where He needs us even when it looks messy and chaotic. I know you know this…but it’s hard to see when you feel so much hurt and grief. I may not even fully understand why things happened until I meet Him in Heaven. It has been a true blessing to leave your church. Not because I left a church, because I GREW IN THE LORD. And isn’t that what trials are for? To bring us to Him. To show others Christ.
    Sweet Serena, your words are heavy and I’m sure they are reflecting your heart. Be prepared for the Lord to do His work and just know (I know you already do) His plan is bigger then humans. I will be praying for you to find your path and begin healing. I will be praying the whatever the Lord chooses for you that you grow in Him and rejoice. ❤️

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    • 3 years ago

      I am so sorry you were hurt by our hands. That is all I can say. I am sorry. I love you.

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  10. Larry
    9 months ago

    I think many of these people are looking at the church to see what it can do for them, rather than looking at themselves to see how they can edify the church (1 Cor. 14:26). In other words, mature Christians don’t need church. The church needs spiritual Christians, regardless of what others in the church are or aren’t doing (Gal. 6:1-2).

    Instead of looking for a “safe” church that meets our own wants, desires, and lusts, perhaps it would be better for us to work on ourselves being spiritual — and in the process, we won’t fear what man may do to us (Prov. 29:25). Paul didn’t have this problem (2 Tim. 4:16-18); so neither should we. We’ll also come to understand what “pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is”. It is this: to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction and to keep himself unspotted from the world (Jam. 1:27). This is an individual responsibility, regardless of others in the body (1 John 1:7).

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Serena
3 years ago 18 Comments Christian Life, Preacher's Wife, The Church1,117