We sat across the table from a married couple who couldn’t contain their grief. The pain was still raw.
We had heard stories of abuse inflicted by parents, spouses and strangers, but today the story was different. It wasn’t a bad guy. It was a church.
The devastation was real.
I tried to convince them that not all churches were like that. That not all churches would betray you or abandon you, that not all churches would say mean things or keep secrets. I tried to convince them to be vulnerable again.
She said, “I want God. I love God. I just don’t like religion.”
I heard versions of this before. I heard frustration over hypocrites, poor leadership and downright sin. They wanted God but they were done with religion.
At the time I found myself frustrated trying to break through. I wanted them to see how important church is. Today I find myself needing the break through.
I am see myself increasingly disconnected and disinterested in church. Not God, not people, just church.
How did I get here?
The months of meeting with only fraction of the church body, social distancing which inevitably turned into spiritual distancing and disagreements within our group have left me dull.
Over the years of my writing I always have made an effort to come full circle in my moment. I have shared brokenness in my marriage, myself and our home. I have shared the healing my marriage, myself and my home. I’m not sure if I can bring this one full circle yet.
I’m not sure I have the answer or the AHA! moment. What I do have is an apology for you. If you have struggled with this and been made to feel less, I am sorry. I want you to know that this 28 year Christian and 22 years preacher’s wife feels it too.
I feel like I am done with religion. I feel like I am done with man-made rules and less-than-Christ grace being doled out in heapfuls.
So here I am. I am sitting in this spot mostly content to be here. I’m not sure what’s next.
I still believe in the beautiful household of God. I have a deep desire for sincere fellowship and bonds of unity. I am just not sure where that is these days.
So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit. Eph. 2:19-22