I have always been a mother who laments the thought of an empty nest. I grew up an only child of divorced parents. Growing up, my home was quiet and sometimes lonely. I always knew I wanted to fill my home with life… lots of it.
When I conceived Azaiah, I prayed. I prayed so hard for that child because we were in the midst of a dark spiritual battle. My husband was ready to give up his ministry. I called on the Lord to come into my womb and give me a son to confirm God’s presence in the heart of my husband. “Don’t let him quit, Father. Show him you are here in this fight.”
Each step of the pregnancy was joyful. In fact, I remember the night that I took the pregnancy test. My husband was out-of-town hunting with our oldest son. I took three tests to make sure. After the shock settled, I knew God was knitting life for my son and his father.
I texted with one of my friends because I just had to share it with someone. I wrote, “I think I am pregnant.” She said, “What makes you think that?” “Three positive pregnancy tests.”
Then I posted on Facebook, “Does anyone have a creative idea how to tell my husband I am pregnant?” Some people didn’t quite get it, but we laughed at the thought of Daniel casually checking his Facebook and being shocked himself, then immensely blessed by a few simple words. Our friends rejoiced with us.
On the ultrasound day I felt such a presence of God that I really had no doubt it was a boy. But it was amazing to see God confirm Daniel in that moment. “Definitely a boy!” My husband hit his knees and praised the Father for the gift of life.
Life.
Then death.
Two nights ago I walked through our yard talking to God and talking to Azaiah. They showed me something that brought me freedom and peace. Just like I will have to let my other children leave my nest in their time, I had to let Azaiah go in his. It was his time, his purpose.
I know I am “wordy” and all, but I really can’t find the words to capture what my son has accomplished in a few days of his death. I watched a man die with Christ in the waters of baptism. Others have committed to new ministries and a deeper walk with the Lord. Peace has been made where there was strife.
I continue to watch the saints of God unite in grief and love. I have received innumerable messages of love. Don’t underestimate those messages or your desire to pour out love to us. Jesus says that’s how the world will know us. The way you love me and my family will cry out “JESUS!” to a lost and dying world.
Cry out his name, “JESUS!” You don’t have to preach it, you just have to live it. Live it. LIVE!
The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you. Rom. 8:11
