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Is Adultery The Unforgivable Sin?

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“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Heb. 13:4

In the Christian circles that I have run with the last twenty or so years I have noticed something. They seem to believe in only one unforgivable sin. Adultery.

I was reminded of this custom yesterday.  A once faithful Christian, a friend, who fell to sin and was rejected by church, family and spouse.

It’s a familiar story. If someone, whether our closest friend or even our spouse, commits this “unforgivable sin” the “innocent party” is urged to hit the marriage eject button and run to the courthouse to file divorce papers before the sun sets.

I am just going to say it. I am sick of this callous, unbiblical response to sin. I recognize, in this emotionally charged arena, there is only one opinion that really matters though. God’s. What does God say about the sin of adultery?

 1. Adultery is sin.

“You must not commit adultery.” Ex. 20:14

I know this is true. Adultery is always wrong. There is never a time that it is excused, permitted or given a free pass. It is sin every time.

2. Adultery is a sin against God.

We would like to take adultery personally, right? I mean how dare they do something to ME? In the days that we struggled in our marriage to keep my husband from committing adultery and then being caught in the middle of an affair involving our dearest friends, I have struggled with taking it personally.  How could they lie? How could they deceive? How could they throw away their example?

But we have to get one thing straight, adultery hurts us, but the sin is not against us. The sin is against a holy God who created them and loves them and longs to redeem them.

3. No one is innocent.

We like to think that the facts of adultery are pretty black and white. We like to cut clean lines right down the middle. There is an innocent party and there is a guilty party. But the truth is no one is innocent. We are all sinners.

Well then, should we conclude that we Jews are better than others? No, not at all, for we have already shown that all people, whether Jews or Gentiles, are under the power of sin. As the Scriptures say, “No one is righteous— not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.” Rom. 3:9-12

Before we throw the “guilty” label on anyone, we better take account of our own worthlessness first.

4. Jesus forgave adultery.

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” John 8:1-11

Funny, this woman didn’t have to jump through any hoops to prove she was sorry. She didn’t have to say the right thing. She didn’t have to be punished first. She was just forgiven.

5.  God hates divorce.

Yes, the bible actually says that. “God hates divorce.”

“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” Mal. 2:16

When someone commits adultery, our flesh is tempted to throw out the adulterer with the trash. We are quick to divorce. We are quicker to advise someone else to divorce. But before we throw that kind of talk around we have got to remember that God hates it. He doesn’t dislike it. He doesn’t hate it sometimes. God, the creator of marriage, hates divorce every single time.

6. God believes in redemption.

There is a beautiful love story in the pages of the Old Testament. To symbolize his relationship to his people, Israel, God asks the prophet Hosea to take a prostitute for a wife. Really, a prostitute? Not exactly marriage material by our pious standards. What is God thinking? That’s pretty much a ticket straight to adultery. But Hosea does it.

Gomer, his wife, can’t resist her old life style, nor can Israel. They both commit adultery despite all that’s been given to them and despite the second chances.

This adulteress will be stripped naked and left to die of thirst. Her children will be rejected. Her life will be made miserable and her blessings all removed. And she will still go looking for her lovers.

Then God says something totally amazing:

“But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there… I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord.” From Hosea 2

“I will win her back.” God believes in redemption. God believes in buying adulterers and adulteresses back from their sin. God believes in being the rescuer and the restorer. God believes in second chances and 1000th chances because he is always faithful.

6. Grace is powerful.

I met Jesus in circumstances quite similar to the woman up there in John 8. I was caught in the act. I know Jesus deplored my sin. I know that he felt the nails driven deeper into his hands with every sin I carelessly committed. I know that he longingly extended the same hands with mercy to offer me a life line, a life line I wouldn’t take.

Until one day, his gaze was too strong to turn away from. I took his scarred hand. I accepted the offer of grace. I accepted the command to go and sin no more. Only I didn’t get the “no more” part down. Sin wove deep cords in my heart. Cords that had to be broken one by one. And one by one he snapped them.

Here I am today, a sinner, saved by nothing but the grace of God. That grace is what drives my obedience to him today.

  • God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Eph. 2:8-9
  • But even greater is God’s wonderful grace and his gift of righteousness, for all who receive it will live in triumph over sin and death through this one man, Jesus Christ. Rom. 5:17
  • For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus. 2 Tim. 1:9
  • What you are experiencing is truly part of God’s grace for you. Stand firm in this grace. 1 Pet. 5:12

I challenge you, the next time someone you know commits the “unforgivable sin”, consider how much you’ve been forgiven. Consider how powerful the gift of grace is. Consider simply being like Jesus.

And if the sinner is you, trust me, the same hands that pulled me out sin are waiting to pull you out too. The same redemption that was offered to me is offered to you. The same grace that was extended to the adulterous woman is extended to you. And the same beautiful future with God that was promised to Gomer and to his people is promised to you.

Aug 14, 2013Serena
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Comments: 16
  1. Keith Stonehart
    9 years ago

    Serena – My wife and are survivors of this terrible sin of Adultery… The good news is , it is forgivable as my wife forgave me.. As a matter of fact , it was this very sin that led us to the Lord’s doorstep knowing that we would be divorced within weeks without some sort of intervention… 12 years later , we are stronger and closer because of it and I have been able to help other couples -in and out of the church with our experience and the wisdom from the Scriptures… Make no mistake – it is a battle..it is painful .. and it will strip you of every kind of pride you may have – but then again , this also is a blessing.. People need to know that it is forgivable , and that life does go on after the storm that it brings… Thank you for this post.

    Agape –

    Keith

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    • Serena
      9 years ago

      I always love it when you share pieces of your story Keith! Praising God for another redemption!

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  2. Amber
    9 years ago

    This has been on my heart for a while now, as I have seen a lonely, divorced man sneak into our building every Sunday and hide quietly in the back. He seems broken, forever shamed because of one sin, and it isn’t right. He has repented, and I know there aer consequences to sin, but like you said, adultery is no more disgusting to God than an angry outburst, or a failure to display the fruit of the Spirit. Marriage is for life. We shouldn’t jump at the chance to divorce just because God gives us the right to divorce. Of course, I’m not faulting the wife for all of this. I’m just saying it’s sad.

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  3. Angie Woolf
    9 years ago

    Thanks girl! For your transparency and honesty and for putting it out there – Our God, the one and only God is a forgiver of Sins and Redemeer- of ALL sin!
    🙂
    He transforms hearts, minds and bodies!
    Praise Him!!
    Love you sister!

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  4. Eddie
    9 years ago

    This is well said! very hard to live out, but important.

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  5. ang cox
    9 years ago

    I’ve heard from several sources something to this effect: “Grace: once you get it, you give it.” And GET refers to both “receive” and also the analogy “ooohhh…. I GET it! I understand!”

    I love also how Scripture displays mercy. That the mercy I extend will be extended to me. How mercy triumphs over judgement. I like how you described that she didn’t have to jump through hoops to prove she was sorry. I’ve seen this happen, and even with all the hoops, the adulterer is still treated like a leper. I don’t get it. But maybe those who treat the adulterer like a leper still don’t “get” grace.

    This piece is so on target with the truth here. Good balance of truth and grace. It is bound to make many readers uncomfortable because it is convicting. Thank you for your boldness.

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  6. KimW
    9 years ago

    Serena, once again your clarity and perspective are right on, in my opinion..more needs to be said about this..we are overlooking a powerful opportunity to conduct ourselves as Christ did/would, by showing grace when we can & advising others to do the same. Great thoughts…thanks for being bold enough to put it out there..food for thought, for many.

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  7. Auburn
    9 years ago

    Good points. I think this is a difficult subject, and the situation – to divorce or not to divorce- will vary depending upon the individuals within the marriage. My father forgave repeated acts of adultery from my mother for years and then they finally divorced. Years later he told me that one of his regrets was not putting her away the very first time she committed adultery. The reason- to send her the message that this was serious and he was not going to tolerate it within the marriage. Even still, he said he would have re-married my mother if she had shown that she wanted to commit herself completely to him and their marriage. This is not to say that my father was without sin. That is not the issue. We all need Jesus and his grace and mercy to reign down on us. Every day, every hour.One thing my father did commit to, staying faithful to his spouse and the covenant they made to one another. She broke it. Because God takes marriage extremely seriously, this is the reason he gives a person the ability to divorce their spouse if adultery has been committed. As you mentioned, even God has put away His own people, and yes he was reconciled back to His people. Maybe that is why God abhors divorce so much. He knows what it is like. He has experienced it himself. But, he always wants those who are His to come back to Him. I believe that. Divorce is ugly and it is not a black and white issue as you said above. I do believe like your first writer, that if there are two people committed to one another and to God, they can get through just about anything- including adultery.
    Here is a link to a song about God’s love/struggle with His people. Thought I’d share:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRpN3kU3PwU

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    • diann
      7 years ago

      When you say that your dad stayed true to the marriage, does that imply that he never remarried/ have sexual relations with anyone after the divorce?

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  8. Sharon
    9 years ago

    I wish you could be both bold and humble enough to live this out instead of simply write about it.

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    • Serena
      9 years ago

      There are so many things that I wish I could undo. So many things that I wish I would have said or done differently. I am so full of mistakes and failures. I pray for God’s cleansing over and over and for his grace to cover me. But there is one thing that I come back to… when Jesus forgave it came with a command to sin no more. Forgiveness can be extended a million times over and with every pardon a command of Jesus follows to sin no more. I pray that every soul caught in adultery will heed the warning of the Savior. There is no way to the Father but through him. I may not get it right, but praise Him because he does.

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  9. April
    9 years ago

    Thank you Serena for that post, it really spoke to me and brought tears to my eyes, some good and some bad. This is something that has weighed on my heart for sometime, I also was caught in the act some time ago and that sin has stayed in my mind for a long time. My husband was an alcoholic and at the time I was suffering from undiagnosed, unmedicated Bi-polar disorder, but like you said, there is absolutely no excuse and I know that. Our marriage did end because of it, but we actually forgave each other (because he said he was to blame also for what happened) and now are friends again. After that incident I vowed never to hurt someone I loved that much ever again and I asked God to forgive me more times than I can count. I am now remarried and happier than I have ever been, I have a wonderful husband and three healthy children, I feel truly blessed to get a second chance. It sounds bad to say, but there was something good that came out of that lesson, and it has made me a better person and a better wife. I know I am still a sinner, and I am by far not always the perfect Christian, but I do love the Lord with all of my heart and thank him every day for what he has given me. Thank you so much for your post, it helped me realize that he has forgiven me and that I can be ok with moving forward in my life.

    April

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  10. ANNE
    5 years ago

    ADULTERY, IS NOT THE UNPARDONABLE SIN! IF YOU READ THE WORD OF GOD IT SAYS THERE ARE MANY SINS WHICH, WILL BE FORGIVEN MEN BUT THE BLASPHEMY OF MY HOLY SPIRIT WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN THEM. TO BLASPHEME THE HOLY SPIRIT, IS TO SAY THAT THE WORKS, MIRACLES AND SIGNS JESUS PERFORMED ARE THE WORKS OF THE DEVIL.

    READ: MATTHEW 12:22-37

    “And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.”

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  11. Lucy
    5 years ago

    I committed adultery and fornication 4 years ago and recently confessed my sin to 2 Christians. I have been crying for a month, and even while I am typing this message I just want to burst into tears. Every time I think about what I have done, since my confession, it is very painful.

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    • Serena
      5 years ago

      Sweet sister. Rest in mercy tonight.

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  12. JS
    3 years ago

    Mal 2 God hates putting away. Sending a woman away without giving her a certificate of divorce. He called it faithless. In the Hebrew language he says it is treacherous. It is not the word Divorce here. They would put them on the street with no support and they would have to go back to their fathers house if they were even alive, beg, homeless or prostitution. She could perhaps attach herself to another man.

    In Matt 5 and Matt 19 the word is again “put away” not divorce

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Serena
9 years ago 16 Comments Christian Life, Grace, Marriageadultery, forgiveness, grace5,802
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