I belong to my lover, and his longing is only for me. Song of Solomon 7:10
Kiss me again and again, for your love is sweeter than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2
Passion. I am going to go out on a limb and say most Christian marriages are not characterized by their passion. Oh, we have dutiful marriages. We have functional ones. Half the time we have committed ones. But we rarely are identified by our passion for our lovers. What do you think our God, the creator of sex and marriage, thinks of that?
I think he is woefully disappointed.
Shannon Ethridge, in her new book, The Passion Principles; Celebrating Sexual Freedom in Marriage, says, “If Christian couples can’t have phenomenal sex lives given the personal connection we have with the Author of sex, who in the world can?”
The Bible says:
It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Cor 7:2-4 MSG
Strong. Fulfilling. Mutual. Satisfying. Do those words describe your sex life? If they don’t, why in the world not?
The times in our marriage that have become less-than-passionate, some obstacle was in the way. Something was killing the passion.
Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. Heb. 13:4
Premarital sex nearly destroyed our marriage. It is shame feeder. I spent my time trying to erase the shame. My husband spent his time hiding from his.
It’s no coincidence that after the creation of man and woman the Bible says they were “naked and not ashamed” (Gen. 2:25). We do a lot of things in our lives to heap shame on ourselves. From our sin to our self-consciousness, we are afraid to imitate Eden. We are afraid to be naked and not ashamed.
Tonight when my husband was asked to give an engaged couple one piece of advice, he said, “Share you deepest struggle with your spouse.” We did that in our marriage. He exposed his inadequacies. I was honest about my sin. Then we bathed each other with grace and mercy. Through each other, we experienced the forgiveness and redemption Jesus bought for us. We could finally be as God created us, naked and not ashamed.
Sometimes we get stuck in a rut. Sometimes sex doesn’t seem quite as interesting as the book we are reading or the TV show that we are watching. We get distracted looking at other people’s lives on Facebook. Try this- forget the books and TV shows. Go create your own adventure with your spouse. Instead of being entertained by other people’s lives, go live your own to the fullest. Step out. Be fun together. Laugh together. Indulge together. Be in love together.
We have six kids at home 13, 10, 8, 5, 3 and 3 months. We know tired. Some nights the kids get to bed and we collapse. But I have learned a liberating truth, sex doesn’t have to happen at night. It’s actually much more enjoyable when you are awake.
Yes, we have a lot of kids. Yes one or more of them end up in our bed at some point in the night. But here’s another liberating truth. Doors lock and meeting each others needs is just as important as meeting our children’s needs. Our kids need us. But we need each other too. We need each other, desperately. Passionately.
My lover is mine, and I am his. Song of Solomon 2:16