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Giving Our Hearts to Our Fathers

His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers. Otherwise I will come and strike the land with a curse. Malachi 4:6

Yesterday I started a series on Fathers, Daughters, and the Crisis in the Western World. Today I want to talk about ways to heal the divide between fathers and daughters. The common approach to working out father/daughter relationships these days is to tear apart our fathers. Most self-help books, including Christian ones, have us women weep over the emotional disconnect, absence, or abuse of our fathers. Father’s no doubt have the severe ability to wound us, but let’s flip the paradigm for a moment.

Since I am a daughter I want to deal with us. The first thing I want to ask is this: Do you have a reputation for appreciating your father? Do you seek his counsel and respect his advice? If you are unmarried, do you make him part of  your decisions and life direction? Do you value his masculine qualities? Simply put, do you honor him?

The Old Law established that we must honor our father and mother. Jesus dealt with it specifically with the Pharisees in Mat. 15:3-9:

Jesus replied, “And why do you, by your traditions, violate the direct commandments of God? For instance, God says, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and ‘Anyone who speaks disrespectfully of father or mother must be put to death.’ But you say it is all right for people to say to their parents, ‘Sorry, I can’t help you. For I have vowed to give to God what I would have given to you.’ In this way, you say they don’t need to honor their parents. And so you cancel the word of God for the sake of your own tradition. You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote, ‘These people honor me with their lips,but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.’”

Let’s deal with this passage ladies. If we don’t honor our fathers Jesus himself is saying our worship is garbage. Sit on that for a moment.

I don’t care if you are a 15 year-old who is bucking his authority or a 36 year-old married woman. You must honor your father.

Maybe you are sitting there, reading this and saying, “My father doesn’t deserve it.” Maybe he abandoned you. Maybe he was physically present but emotionally distant. Maybe you feel like he gave you nothing but heartache. (For the sake of this short article, I don’t want to deal with fathers who have been sexually abusive. I’m not qualified to deal with the layers of such a complex, painful situation.)

If you find yourself resisting the thought of honoring your father because you don’t think he deserves it, remember this: Your father is a sinner in need of grace. Your father is not God. Your father isn’t even a super-hero. He is a regular guy who has been wounded by a sinful world the same as you. Allow yourself to be the hands and feet of Jesus, extending forgiveness and grace to an undeserving sinner.

Here’s some ideas on how to honor your father:

  • Write him a letter on the reasons you appreciate him
  • Live out a forgiving spirit towards him
  • Seek his counsel
  • Hear him out
  • Stop behaving disrespectfully
  • Involve him as a grandfather
  • Tell him thanks

Today is the day. The moment is now. Go honor your father and see what God does!

 

 

Aug 7, 2012Serena
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Fathers, Daughters, and the Crisis in the Western WorldWhy Daughters Need Their Dads
Comments: 3
  1. jane ann
    10 years ago

    I had a wonderful dad. I know that he loved me but not until he died did I realize how much I loved and needed him. Everyday, I wish that I just had 5 minutes more with him, but I know that I will see him in Heaven. Our last words to each other were “I love you”.

    These last 2 messages have been difficult for me,maybe because of guilt or saddness or a little of both. As I bear half of the responsibility of your broken home.

    Dads can choose to assume the alienated father role for whatever reasons despite attempts by the mothers to keep the bond between father and child strong. A mother can try in many ways to keep the dad active in the lives of their children but Dads don’t always respond.

    Your messages are so true yet hurtful for all involved. I did the best I could at the time, never meaning to cause you hurt or pain. Sometimes when you are irritated with me, I think it is the woounded, little girl in you striking out in anger about your childhood.

    When I look back at regrets in my life, I cannnot say that I regret marrying your dad because as a result God blessed me with my greatest treasures, you and your children.

    I know sometimes that I try a bit too hard to be such a good nan but let’s face it I was a crappy mom.

    I can’t go back and I can’t spend the rest of my life feeling guilty, crying, or apologizing . I can just go forward.

    Please understand that I never tried to keep your dad away from you. I tried in so many ways to keep him active in your life.

    My prayer is that God can help you and all of the children who have suffered from divorce extend forgiveness to your fathers and your mothers.And that the Lord can bring us peace and fill us with the glory and sunshine of His spirit.

    Until the day I die, I will regret my decisions that have caused you so much pain.

    Love, Mom ( what do you think, maybe I missed the whole idea behind these blogs)

    ReplyCancel
    • Kate Martell
      10 years ago

      Jane Ann! (Mrs. Brock as I called you!)
      You were NOT a “crappy mom” as you put it. You were a very down-to-earth, realistic, helpful, encouraging, loving mom to Serena and all of her friends as I remember. I want to share a story with you. When we were in high school, Serena told me that you and she had fallen asleep hugging eachother and woke up that way in the morning. I remember saying something snakry to the tune of “my bed’s not big enought for my mom and me…” to which Serena calmy replied, “Your mom should be your best friend and your mom at the same time…mine is.”
      Everyone’s story and situation is different, but I can say that I am glad that you did not do one thing differently with Serena or she would not be the amazing person that she is today!

      ReplyCancel
      • Serena
        10 years ago

        Kate, you have the most interesting memories!! I love you 🙂 God certainly has a plan for all of us. One of my favorite verses, “What you intended for evil, God intended for good.” Satan is attacking families, but even God has the power to raise glory from ashes.

        ReplyCancel

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Serena
10 years ago 3 Comments Christ-followers & Culture, Fatherhood, Womanhoodhonoring your father463
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