Truemag

  • Home
  • About
  • Grief
  • My Book
  • Events
  • Ministry
  • Contact

Fighting the Depression Trap

sad_woman1

One thing I have learned in the past three months is that depression begets depression.

  • Fatigue
  • Restlessness
  • Sleepless nights
  • Lack of focus
  • Anxiety
  • Not eating
  • Letting things go

Someone asked me the other day how I deal with the obvious feelings of despair and dread that come with losing a child. The truth is some days I don’t deal very well. Some days I let the beast swallow me. Some days I don’t.

1. Throw Out Self-pity

“It’s not fair.” “I didn’t deserve this.” “Other people still have their babies.” “No one understands what I am going through.”

I actively barricade those thoughts from my mind. From the beginning of my journey into grief I made a conscious decision to let go of self-pity. God put me in this place. I have a choice. I have a choice to fight him or surrender. I have choice to resent him or trust him. I have a choice to wither away and die or bloom where I am planted.

Did my child die? Yes. Do I miss him in my arms? Every day. Do I still cry? Every day. Do I believe that God’s plans for me are for good and not disaster? With all my heart.

 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jer. 29:11

2. Wake With Purpose

The days that are the hardest are the days I do nothing. Breathing doesn’t qualify as purposeful living. But the days that I have set a goal, even the night before, are much better, even joyful.

I have to admit, my goals are not always lofty. Yesterday my kids didn’t have school. I was struggling to find a reason to get out of bed. I decided to use the box of hair color that had been sitting on my bathroom sink for 4 days. It wasn’t earth-shaking, but it got me out of bed and my gray hair is covered up.

Some days I do set the bar a little higher, preparing a family meal, a bible lesson with my children, serving my husband, teaching a bible class or ministering to other hurting families. Some days I have to just let God be my purpose.

I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me. Ps. 57:2

3. Be Real

Sometimes it is hard to go places where people don’t know me or the battle I am fighting.It’s  painful to wear a mask that portrays something I am not. But I do I find great relief in just being me. I have resolved to be transparent with where I am.  I answer the question “How are you doing today?” honestly. I hate the feeling of masking what’s going on inside because I feel like people can’t handle it. I may not give all the gory details, but when I’m struggling I let whoever is around me know.

I have embraced the fact that If I cry through the whole church service, that’s ok. If I don’t feel up keeping the house immaculate that’s ok. If we go out to dinner three nights out of the week, I’m good with that too.

If King David called himself a worm and the Apostle Paul called himself the worst of all sinners, I’m pretty sure I can be a sad mom and it’s ok.

4. Find An Outlet

Keeping in all the sadness, grief and emotion is a recipe for explosion. I have to get it out. I talk. I pray. I write. I blog. I cry.

5. Glorify God

Death will never be good, but there is away to glorify God even in the valley of death.  Simple trust glorifies God. Singing praise glorifies God. Ministering to other mom’s who have lost children glorifies God. Even if the face of death, grief and depression, God is still on his throne. I will still glorify his name.

No, the Lord’s delight is in those who fear him,
    those who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Glorify the Lord, O Jerusalem!
    Praise your God, O Zion!
For he has strengthened the bars of your gates
    and blessed your children within your walls. Ps. 147

Apr 2, 2013Serena
Tweet1
Share
Pin
1 Shares
Good FridayCity of Grief
Comments: 6
  1. Samantha
    12 years ago

    I too battle depression and anxiety. I believe I have my whole life. Everything you suggest is the hard truth. I remember after I lost my baby, my grandma gave me the advice that was given to her when she also miscarried. It is a little personal, but in the scheme of being real I will share it. She told me to “change my underwear everyday.” It was the concept of doing some thing for myself every day. There were days that I did it and I could at least check it off my list. The days I didn’t were the days I fell apart. I then had to face the guilt and that only made things worse. I believe it was the guilt and Satan that kept me there. I’m not out of the darkness yet, but there are days I can see the sun. It peaks through the clouds at me. It warms me. It gives me hope. Praying for peace and comfort for your heart. You are a gift, dear sister.

    ReplyCancel
    • Serena
      12 years ago

      Good advise from Grandma! Sometimes I have to make myself eat something! In the middle of the fight the most basic life functions seem like a mountain.

      ReplyCancel
  2. Rhonda Marcus
    12 years ago

    You are the bestest. I am glad you are real.

    ReplyCancel
  3. Sarah
    12 years ago

    Serena, I said a prayer for you, Daniel and family just now; one of many. You are such an encouragement to me. I appreciate how much you share and how real you are with your life. Love to you all.

    ReplyCancel
  4. Linda
    12 years ago

    The last couple of days I have also been battling. I am fighting cancer but feel more like I am fighting myself. My mind is my enemy telling me that I am not doing the work God has for me. That I should be able to make my body get up and do more. I have been following the Gerson Cancer Therapy and know I have made a good choice but it is not easy. Thank the Lord for an amazing Christian husband who has stood by me through two breasts cancers and my church family who has been solid in their support for me. Of course it is God who is there in the middle of the night, when no one else is around. He listens and comforts. After writing all this I have almost erased it and tell myself “Who wants to hear my woes?” But the enemy wants us to think we are alone…but we are not! Our Father is a mighty God and He will get us through.

    ReplyCancel
  5. Theresa
    12 years ago

    I don’t know if this is helpful, but this is what I’ve learned so far through my experience. I thought that I was going through depression as well, as much as I was trying to fight it, after my daughter passed away. One thing I found out is that everything you listed there related to depression is a symptom of grief and the grieving process. Grief is a long process and to progress from stage to stage can take quite of bit of time. If you keep trusting, eventually you’ll find the re-organization stage, which to me meant, how do I continue to live my life with the memory of my daughter. It’s been almost 9 months now, and I still have my ups and downs, but as my Pastor says, continue to keep an eternal perspective. Our lives are but a wisper and soon we will see our precious children again, in the mean time I know that I have a child here that I have to continue to show Jesus to – I want him to be a part of that happy reunion one day. I motivate myself knowing that my daughter could be watching what I’m doing, and I still want to make her proud.
    You are doing tremendous, by the way. Just getting out of bed is an amazing accomplishment…anything after that is a bonus at this point. Just keep it up! The pain will never go away, but if you continuously remind yourself of the dancing and praising that our children are doing in Heaven, it makes it slightly bearable – I picture my daughter in a light blue dress and pigtails twirling and whirling, with her younger sibling in her arms, giggling in the presence of our Saviour. This helps me remember that soon I will see them again, and in the meantime God has left me here for a reason. My daughter’s life had a purpose and her purpose will be fulfilled through me, so for me it keeps me going because I have to be present in my life to fulfill the purpose for which God created her. I know you’ve already seen many legacies growing from your son’s passing and no doubt you will see more.
    I will be praying for you and your beautiful family.

    ReplyCancel

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Serena
12 years ago 6 Comments Death and Dying, Matters of the Heart, Mental Healthanxiety and depression, coping with depression344
A Wordy Woman
Top Posts & Pages
  • Home
  • How To Deal With an Unsubmissive Wife
  • Contact
  • Church Girls, Stop Showing Your Breasts
  • NO CHILDREN: What Does the Bible Say About Having Kids?
Recent Posts
  • Celebrating Mother’s Day After the Death of a Child
  • The Jesus Effect: Healing Church Trauma with Christ’s Model of Leadership
  • Healing Trauma: Give Me Your Shame
  • Healing Trauma with Theophany: Encountering God
  • Church Trauma: Healing the Wound with Grace
Categories
Networks
2015 © A Wordy Woman