Dear Complaining Mom,

unhappy mom

Dear Complaining Mom,

You may not realize you are complaining, but you are. Every time you moan of sleepless nights and how much “me time” you aren’t getting. Every time you broadcast how your baby cries all night and your toddler won’t go to bed. Every time you whine about how your teenager drives you crazy. You are complaining.

When you grumble about your extra weight and stretch marks, you are complaining. When you go on and on about how your clothes don’t fit or how ugly you feel, you are complaining.

When you gripe about how you live in your car because of too many trips to doctors appointments, soccer games and dance rehearsals. You are complaining.

Some days it seems like hating motherhood is your mantra. Some days your words drip with contempt for these little people you chose to bring into the world. Some days I wonder why you decided to have children. I mean, what did you think it was going to be like?

Motherhood is hard. It is demanding. It requires self-sacrifice 24 hours a day. You will lose sleep, clean up a lot of vomit, cook a lot of food and clean up a never-ending mess. You will be tired. You will be unappreciated most of the time.

But please do not complain. Please do not begrudge your duties. Please do not wish your children away. Please cherish every waking moment, every sleepy moment and every chaotic, “What am I going to do?” moment.

Please.

Those of who have buried our children find your bitterness toward motherhood like acid to our spirit.Those of us who have longed to carry a child full term would love to have your stretch marks. Those of us who have buried an infant ache for sleepless nights with a baby that cries no more. Those of us who said good-bye to playful children yearn to clean up their cereal spills and wipe their noses. Those of us who have watched our teenager die would take every inconvenience they afford just for one more day.

So please. Stop complaining.

Sincerely,

Grieving Moms Everywhere

Do everything without complaining. Phil. 2:14

Serena
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Comments: 19
  1. Wendy
    10 years ago

    Ouch! That hurt….But I needed it. Thanks for saying what we need to hear. Day after day after day.

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  2. Maggie
    10 years ago

    Thank you. I have not lost a child but I cringe at complaining posts, because as tiring as it is, I feel sooo blessed to be the mommy of my 2 little boys… And it’s such a tiny window that they are children. We need to soak in every second of it, cherish every kiss, runny, nose, and sleepless night. Hopefully your post can help moms rethink. Rethink the attitude…and rethink posting those feelings on facebook. Maybe instead of posting every bitter feeling for all of facebook to see, we pray about it, and consult with friends and older women who can offer support and wisdom.

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  3. Michelle
    10 years ago

    I have lost more children than I have carried to term. I buried three of my babies in a row (but have lost many more than that), however, I am going to disagree with part of this post. I do agree that many parents complain, almost unendingly, and it is frustrating, however, I also know that motherhood/fatherhood is hard and they have a right to complain if they want to! Everyone has bad days, that doesn’t mean they don’t love their children or cherish their time with them. To assume that is presumptuous at best. We can’t judge another feelings just but a little something they wrote while upset or tired or frustrated. Their feelings are every bit as valid as yours or mine. They may not know the pain of losing a child, but then again, they might. But it doesn’t matter… their feelings are their feelings and are meaningful.

    All feelings are valid, how we react to them may or may not be. But please don’t dismiss those who complain (which by the way I very rarely complain at all so I’m not trying to cover myself here) because they may be searching out comfort or help from others by airing their feelings… just as you are here. Sometimes we just need to know that we aren’t alone. That goes for those of us who have lost children and those who have not. Life is hard, death is hard. We should each be trying to lift one another up as we move through this journey.

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    • Carissa Curry
      10 years ago

      Thank you! Perfectly said!!

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    • Tracy
      10 years ago

      Thank you, I agree. I have lost a child and I am a single mother of 3. My days are never ending I know they never will be. My complaints are small my gripes are few. It is my way of venting to other adults because I am a kick butt mom and I don’t take these things out on my children. If I present my situation to others maybe they can give some advice on how to approach a situation differently. I am not perfect, I am flawed as everyone is in his or her own way so I am open to making me and mine better. I am a soccer/chwerleading/football-full time working momma who can use some better organizational skills at times 😉 it gets a little crazy but this shows my children to never give up have fun enjoy everything life has to offer!!! I’m learning to not complain about the shoes in the middle of the floor that I tripped on when the lights were off that caused me to hit my head on the wall I ran into because it have me a reason to sit down but I still get frustrated 🙂 but I do have a right to speak about this ifI choose. I am sorry for those that have lost, we have too. I appreciate your post. You said it well. I also want to add that I understand those that have never experienced motherhood would give anything for it, it is wonderful, but don’t think in a million years that you will not have one night your baby doesn’t cry and you roll over and say to yourself not tonight I’m sooo tired, or you did what? Your going to have many moments so GOOD LUCK!!! JUST SAYING!!!

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    • Adeline
      10 years ago

      Perfectly said!

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  4. Karen
    10 years ago

    And some of use would give our right arms to be called mother. I would gladly trade places with some of these complaining moms. Being childless isn’t easy either.

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  5. Sherry
    10 years ago

    Your core message can be applied to so many relationships of life. As one who has parents who are deceased, I encourage others to cherish their parents, mend differences, honor them before opportunity is gone.

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  6. Jana
    10 years ago

    I agree with Michelle’s comments above. I don’t want to shut people down and label them as bitter because they are having a hard time and might need a little help or compassion from a friend. I have a friend with an autistic child that mentions when they might have had a hard day and that some things are difficult for her but I don’t think for a minute that she doesn’t want her child or that she is bitter about it. That being said, it is beneficial to examine our motives behind telling our problems. Are we doing it because we want the world to think we’ve got it so hard, or are we just looking for some help or compassion from a friend?

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  7. Jenny
    10 years ago

    Michelle
    I just read this article to my husband and was saying EXACTLY what you posted. I couldn’t agree more. Motherhood is the toughest job there ever was. There are good days and bad days, just like any other job. To say you can never complain, commiserate, etc is foolish. We each have are own journeys and no one can judge. I am human, doing the best I can just like any other working member of society. No, I have never lost a child and my heart aches for those who have, but the logic that those with the most heartache are the only ones who are entitled to grief is flawed. And actually, NO I did not know what I was getting myself into before having children. How could I? But I get up each morning with a renewed mindset to do my very best . Each day is a struggle and I am suspicious that I am not alone. I continually am reminded of my many blessings and I am grateful for health and money to buy groceries but it doesn’t change the fqct that I am human. I do get discouraged and sometimes am not as patient as I’d like. And some days I just get through it. I’m sorry if I do not post on Facebook every fantastic parenting maneuver I ever do. But you know what? I love my kids and they know that. I am not perfect. And they know that. I am doing the best I can. And to all those moms out there who feel guilty for not “loving every second” of this ride… I say, I hear ya girl. This shit is tough. You are doing a good job. Disregard the haters. Keep going, keep your head up. You are ENOUGH!

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    • Angela
      10 years ago

      Exactly. Mothers putting mothers down doesn’t sit well with me. We need more community and WAY less judgment. Maybe it’s time I write an article about THAT! YES, life is better when we are grateful. But face it we all want to be human and sometimes humans vent!

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  8. Jessica
    10 years ago

    “Do everything without complaining. Phil. 2:14”

    Perhaps you could take your own advice and not complain? This blog post seems very contradictory to me. You say to not complain, yet you are complaining about complainers.

    What if a mother is suffering from postpartum depression? What if her “complaining” is really a call for help? What if she can’t express her feelings because she doesn’t want to be viewed as a “complainer” to judgmental people like you? Should she just bottle up all her feelings and not seek help?

    I lost both parents, a step parent, and all 4 grand parents before I was 30 years old. But you’ll never see me feeling so sorry for myself that I would write a blog post like this one condemning people for expressing their feelings – even negative ones. We are all human and we experience all kinds of emotions. Who are YOU to say we shouldn’t be allowed to express them?

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  9. 10 years ago

    Some commenters have said,”You said don’t complain, but you’re complaining about people complaining.” . . .And??? What’s your point? No one should be complaining so regardless of this blog post, mothers still shouldn’t be complaining about their children.

    I know that following God’s word is difficult. I suck at it. That doesn’t mean give up and make excuses by pushing the focus onto the sins of others (Although I don’t think this post was a sin, btw).

    God doesn’t say,”Well, you sinned, but that person sinned too so it’s okay.” He’ says,”You sinned. Stop doing that.”

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  10. Infertile teen girl
    9 years ago

    Another thing to think about-

    Think of all the women who CAN’T have children. It hurts A LOT more than stretch marks and busy schedules. A pain that most people will never understand.

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    • 9 years ago

      I learned this lesson from a friend struggling with infertility before I ever had a child die.

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  11. Shannon
    9 years ago

    I feel the same way when someone complains about their mother. I understand that not everyone who has a child is really a good person and I know that a lot of people weren’t as blessed as I was to have a great mother, but I once got *this close* to turning around and fussing out a teenager standing behind me in line at the movies. She was whining and arguing with her mom about how she shouldn’t sneak into movies and whatnot…my own mother had just died at that time and I wanted to turn around and tell that little girl that I *wish* I had my mom around to tell me what to do and try to keep me from having fun. That was several years ago but I can *definitely* relate to being annoyed by certain people’s complaints.

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  12. NIkki
    9 years ago

    I would much rather that they complain to someone even on here than take their stress out on the child perhaps… I have lost 1 child and never had the opportunity to have anymore. I have step children that i love dearly. I also have a grand child to one of those step children and she is my world. I think at times i wouldn’t even care if i woke up if it wasn’t for her. I totally agree with the post about parents.. I was born late in my parents lives and had wonderful parents. I lost my Dad at the age of 18 and my Mom at 29. It just makes me cringe every time i hear someone whine that they had to talk to their Mom or Dad for a long time on the phone or something like that. Appreciate every second you have with your loved ones. When your in paid and crying big girl tears and all you want is your Mommy and shes already gone.

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  13. Erika
    5 years ago

    Life isn’t easy for anyone. If everyone else just gave the other enough grace and accepted the other’s feelings, they might be able to find the strength to accept their own negative feelings too. One day someone will do the same for you too.

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  14. Casie
    5 years ago

    Some valid points in the comments. I think there is a difference between having grace when someone is verbalizing a hard time and a constant mindset/habit of complaining. It’s good to not put on a show, pretend everything is perfect and it’s good to have times to share hardships. But in all things, coming from both (all) perspectives here, it’s important to be mindful of others. Not getting into a habit of complaining is also helpful for the person themselves.
    Recently, there has seemed to be a lot of social media posts being made cheekily about the hardships of being a mom – messy buns and Cheerios in your hair, never wearing real pants, not having your own hobbies and spoiled milk on your couch that you don’t have any time to clean up. etc etc etc. They come from a real place, and some real situations, and I think maybe it started from being aiming to be transparent and real about what they are going through. That’s good. But as with most things, can go too far – transparency is good. Fixating and perpetuating this ‘messy mommy culture’ I think is not helpful or empowering though. So it’s not one of these opinions over the other. I don’t think. Consider if you are complaining – consider how affects you and others. Consider if you are putting on a front – maybe you need to ask for help, or share with someone. I think balance here would be wise?

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Serena
10 years ago 20 Comments Death and Dying, Kids, Parenting, Uncategorized8,223