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How To Deal With an Unsubmissive Wife

spank

Before the feminists get all up in arms about submission I just want to say submission is a quality that even you feminists do. You submit to each other and you submit to your icons like gods. It only becomes controversial when Christian women like me want to submit to our God and put it in the context of marriage. But let’s keep it real, we all submit to something.

Now the Bible says:

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Eph. 5:22

Guys, you may be in marriage where you want your wife to submit to you. You want her to respect you. You want her to trust you. You want her to follow your lead, but she just won’t. Let me guess, if you dare bring it up she goes a little loco on you. Her resistance makes it harder for you to take your place as the spiritual head of the family.

Instead of a marriage that full of mutual respect and support you are stuck in a power struggle and war of the wills on a daily basis. How do I know all this? Because it was me and my marriage.

Oh, I said I believed in submission but that really just meant I let him pay the bills. When it came down to it I didn’t even trust him to make a decision on where we were eating dinner. I certainly didn’t let him make decisions that would direct the course of our family spiritually.

That manifested itself in me doing everything so it would be right. I set the table right. I dressed the kids right. I told the kid’s bed time stories right. I taught the bible stories right. I even told him how to preach right. And if he did it wrong, I was by his side telling him how to do it right.

Are you married to a girl like the old me? Don’t lose heart. There is hope.

Don’t spank her

Physically, verbally or spiritually. Submission by anything but choice isn’t really submission. Do you remember what Jesus prayed in the garden before he was led to his trial and crucifixion?  He said “Not my will but yours.” Jesus submitted his will to his Father on his own. He wasn’t bullied, guilted or strong-armed onto the cross. Wives can’t be bullied, guilted or strong-armed into submission in marriage either. It has to be a choice.

Partner with her

If you make marriage a competition we will compete. We might lose brawn contest, but we will show you we’ve got the brains, skill and savvy everywhere else. So don’t compete. Applaud her strengths and treat her like your equal.

She may be weaker than you are, she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. 1 Pet. 3:7

Honor her

We get judged by our looks or lack of looks our whole lives. Men stare at our boobs. We get hit on and spit on. The moment we speak up to defend ourselves we get the “B” word slapped in our face.

We come into marriage with some of our defense armor still intact. The way through that shell is to honor us,  value us and treat us like something more than a sex toy.

Husbands must give honor to your wives. 1 Pet. 3:7

Understand her

We also come into marriage already wounded by the world. We come with fathers who abandoned us, boyfriends who used us and perpetrators who violated us. We come with emotions bruised. We come with hormones raging. We come under attack from the enemy. Please understand that and be patient.

Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. 1 Pet. 3:7

Love her like Jesus

Many of us come into marriage feeling unloved and unworthy. We believed the lies that backed us into a corner. At the end of the day we really don’t trust that you really love us either. Prove us wrong.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. Eph. 5:25-30

Jan 15, 2015Serena
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When the World Leaves You ThirstyJesus, Give Me a Heart of Worship
Comments: 214
  1. Jerri
    10 years ago

    While I do not disagree with your words I do wish the picture used at the top could be removed. I think it tarnishes the post.

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    • Laura
      7 years ago

      I do agree with this article and I think the picture is really just making a dark subject lighter. And the truth is if we are both Christians we both need to have the most respect for the other and be ready to submit to one another. What was said is really not coming from the author but from the Bible only not in quotes.

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      • Kenny
        4 years ago

        Correct, it’s all in the scripture…… Submission is a must for a prosperous marriage

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        • TaiSS
          4 years ago

          I think there is one thing we can all agree on is in the scriptures there is an order to everything In this world including marriage so if someone chooses to ignore this they initially are denying and rejecting JEHOVAH’S word. So with this said men we should make sure we are in line with GODS word and pray for our wives and our homes. It’s the same as witnessing to others we present the word to them but we can’t make them accept it. JESUS showed us order and how to live the world denied him. I’m not saying we should give in but what I’m saying is not to take it so personal they haven’t submitted to him so what do we expect.

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  2. AJ
    10 years ago

    I mostly skimmed first just to see if you justified abuse. Glad to know you don’t-I’ve heard too many believe it’s warranted.

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    • Brad
      3 years ago

      No you haven’t. You are a Liar. Nobody justifies abuse through scripture. If so, it is not Biblical scripture.

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  3. Melissa
    10 years ago

    I agree with Jerri-I wish you would change the picture. It brought out a very visceral reaction in me. I’m pretty sure you used it because that’s what the world thinks of when they think of submission, but…you’re better than that.

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    • Laura
      7 years ago

      I just wanted say that I really didn’t think the picture was anything but something to make a serious subject lighter. I thought it was supposed be laughable🤗💘

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      • Abebe
        3 years ago

        It actually made me laugh and increased my interest in the write up. Seriously, that’s not how men spank their wives.

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      • Jen
        5 months ago

        You’re not very bright are you. But I guess it sums up Christianity’s contempt for women and girls. Vile religion.

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    • Oseghale
      4 years ago

      I agree with Jerry also, but I believe the picture paints the expectations of the average reader about the topic “discipline” in general. And it’s captivating for some of us(men), until we read the article and discover the way to express GOD’S love to our wives first and change them with wisdom….

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  4. Kathy Cooper-Boyle
    10 years ago

    Thought provoking, insightful, and done in a loving manner….well done! It is good on many levels….and a timely reminder.

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  5. Serena
    10 years ago

    http://awordywoman.com/what-wives-wish-their-husbands-knew-about-sex/

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  6. Martin
    10 years ago

    I am a Christian man. My wife is like that. She dictates where we will eat, what I wear or wont wear, talks back. The only time I’m the man ofbthe house is when Im reminded to pay the bills. I cnt hit her and I wont divorce her please pray for us.

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    • Serena
      10 years ago

      I will pray.

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    • William King
      7 years ago

      I am with you brother. I am in the same situation and I feel the same exact way. I will pray for you and you pray for me and let’s watch God change things.

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      • Darren
        3 years ago

        I’ll pray you grow a set of testicles and put her in her place for the first time in her life. She’ll probably even be turned on by you being a man for once.

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        • John
          2 years ago

          It doesn’t work. I don’t like the term “alpha,” but I have a lot of those traits. People learn when there are consequences. But women do not face consequences for their disrespect as there are none to impose. So, other than empty anger there’s very little to do. And the type of woman described doesn’t care if they make you angry, because at the end of the day, women are better at emotional tug of war.

          My wife is a believing Christian, but she also bought the feminism kool-aid so I’m sure her behavior in this marriage will continuously be a power struggle because that is what feminism teaches. It was my disobedience with God to marry someone that subscribed to such a worldly view. As a man, I accept my mistake and will live out my days in this tormenting marriage. I’ve got no one to blame but myself. I ask for God’s strength daily.

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          • AJ
            1 year ago

            Same here, nearly to the letter. It should’ve started with non-sexual friendship, but I yielded to lust. This is on me and I admitted it. I wont be the subservient male due to my disobedience in the past. My prayers are daily for restoration in the right order… unless her desire to respect God’s order changes, this wont.

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          • Sam
            6 months ago

            Ditto (sadly)

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      • Rob
        2 years ago

        Your wives need to change themselves.

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      • james
        1 year ago

        My Dear Brothers i do understand your situations cause i have been there myself in fact this is my 3rd time around, the 1st time i was young and dumb and didn’t know anything about being in relationship just what i learned in the streets, because i grew up in a home without a father as model, so the first time it only lasted 2yrs, thank God the young lady had the good sense to leave, but the 2nd time i had began to learn to deal with my wife according to knowledge, and learn to check myself, cause you may think it’s her attitude and it’s really her hormones that’s making you think she’s lost her mind, are it could be sickness that’s the cause of her madness, in the 2nd relationship that was the case, after 33yrs of learning to walk togather, 4 mos after finding out my wife had cancer she was gone! now the 3rd relationship well let me just say it a new school not the same teaching or religion, can two walk togather they must agree of the same mind of God, and if you are unequally yoked someone has to submit and if it is me it’s not inline with the word of God. so someone may have to walk away.

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        • Wayne Waldrop
          2 months ago

          I have not seen any church willing to admit a rebellious wife is wrong.

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    • Festo
      7 years ago

      same here. am really facing a hard time

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      • Vieve
        6 years ago

        Stay strong

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    • Terry
      6 years ago

      My wife believes submission is doing what she agrees with. Tried to get her into counseling but she refused to go and took the opportunity to trash me before the pastor. Been married over 40 years and it has never changed. Praying God would show me what to do.

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      • Abebe
        3 years ago

        Woah! You’re very inspiring. A poor-behaving wife isn’t worth losing salvation over. May God see you through

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    • JOHNNY CULVER
      4 years ago

      BE VERY CAREFUL IN THESE COMMENTS,, I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION, AND I CAN SAY THE CHURCH LEADERS CAN BE A BIG HELP ONLY IF THEY CAN SEE ITON AN EQUAL LEVER,, MEANING MOST CHURCH LEADER JUST SEE THE MAN WRONG AND REFUSING TO SEE AND STRAIGHTEN OUT THE WOMAN,WE BOTH MAN AND WOMAN HAVE A GODLY ASSIGNMENT, NO OPTIONS.

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  7. Omar
    9 years ago

    WOW, this was insightful, my wife faught me on every decision till our last day together. Not only that, but had to deal with her mom being a priority, and only looked for me to discipline our son. She would get mad when I initiated any type of discipline towards our son. (Spank, timeouts) but it was alright when she couldn’t handle him. I couldn’t take it anymore, we are now separated and waiting possibly for divorce. Her pride and her ways have destroyed this relationship, it’s sad but necessary. I believe. Well, just wanted to vent, it’s unfortunate but life goes on.

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    • Lloyd
      8 years ago

      According to Jesus a man should not divorce his wife. Love her as you love yourself. She will change through your unspeakable love. Prayer makes wonders. Ask Jesus to give you and your wife the HOLY SPIRIT. Please don’t quit on her. JESUS SAID “strive hard to walk on the narrow way as only a few will enter heaven”.
      Please read the teachings of JESUS in the whole new testament again even the teachings that were taught through other apostles.

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      • Lloyd
        8 years ago

        According to Jesus a man should not divorce his wife. Love her as you love yourself. She will change through your unspeakable love. Prayer makes wonders. Ask Jesus to give you and your wife the HOLY SPIRIT. Please don’t quit on her. JESUS SAID “strive hard to walk on the narrow way as only a few will enter heaven”.
        Please read the teachings of JESUS in the whole new testament again even the teachings that were taught through other apostles. I ll pray for you. Please don’t divorse. God said that HE will make a way where there is no way.

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        • lloyd2
          7 years ago

          Everything I have said

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          • Isaac ali
            7 years ago

            Jesus said if a man lusted after another woman this is the sin of adultery . It is when this is the reason for divorce, adultery is committed. The scriptures says the Lord hates divorce so the offending spouse if it be an unsubmissive and rebellious wife would be the main offending party when this forms the basis of the divorce and wile God hates divorce it is sometimes necessary

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        • Ron
          2 months ago

          Thank you Lloyd for what you said it was encouraging while at the sane time fair.

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      • Richard
        6 years ago

        We as people have to understand that… stress kill the soul…sometimes if there is something can’t be done… then we have to do what is needed. It takes the too

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      • Simon
        6 years ago

        First, thank you for the author this article, I get to know from a woman perspective of a previously not-so-submissive woman, this is really eye opening.

        I agree with Lloyd, as I am in the same position as Martin and Omar, I am married for less than 3 years, previously we will quarrel even small thing like having a remote beside me when watching TV, or didn’t arrange the coffee table neatly after use, and we quarrel almost on every small trivial thing, she even asked me to leave the house many times doing those trivial things, because they are not pleasing in her eye.

        I dropped into depression multiple times and the thought of divorce came at least a couple hundred times these few years, I even have suicidal thoughts, but I put my trust in Jesus and hold on to every single promise I can find in the bible and keep asking for His mercy, guidance and wisdom to resolve the problematic marriage.

        First I need to accept the fact that keep fighting is not helping, you can’t get any good out of doing bad things, the more you want to prove the other party that you are right and they are wrong, or even bible says that, or even how many reasons you can state you are right, it will never help, because we are focusing on defending and we are not in the same boat when we do that.

        Secondly, I have a totally different perspective after reading this article, so instead of having the belief of “you marry me and vow to honour me, so you have to _____ “, I planned to change my attitude first by showing love by this attitude of “how can I love you as who you are”, take care of her when she is sick, pray for her whenever I see opportunity.

        Then I requested her to work together as a married couple to please God by doing small baby step like reading the bible and resolving conflicts together.

        With this plan, I sat down with my wife state all the incidents that are happening without blaming and pointing fingers, then I state that we married because we loved each other and we decided on saving the marriage with God’s word, then we start on first set time aside sitting down to talk about solving one problem at a time.

        Fast forward 3 months, now whenever we have disagreements and she started screaming at me, I will ask her “why are you so mad?” “Is this the way we communicate?” thank God she will cool down and even apologised to me.

        Thank God for the wisdom, guidance and direction He had granted me all these years, I believed that is what we need as a christian, we can’t change others, but we can change ourselves by first trusting God and ask Him to guide us.

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      • Joseph
        6 years ago

        I’m sorry Lloyd, but I just don’t have the faith anymore. I’m in the same boat as Omar. My wife claims to be a Christian, but her actions are the extreme opposite. I love my wife, but I cannot submit to her will. God told men to be the leaders, not women. My wife and I are on the verge of divorce

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      • Rob
        2 years ago

        Narcissists don’t change. And 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife. Which is ironic since men are supposed to stick around and never leave but women are allowed to leave

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    • Dean
      7 years ago

      I realise this is 2 years later but remember something, we do not fight flesh and blood. And our weapons are not carnal. The enemy does not like unity which is what happens when a man and woman are married, they become one. You have authority to tell the enemy to let your wife go. He has no business playing games in her mind. Command it, declare it and have faith. You have not because you ask not.

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      • Paul
        7 years ago

        AMEN!
        Thank you Dean

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      • Moeletsi
        6 years ago

        This kind needs fasting and prayer. A rebellious wife could be suffering from Jezebel spirit. Fast and pray for her.

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        • Monique
          5 years ago

          A control freak of a husband could be as well. Just imagine having to submit to a man with a jezebel. Look it up. It is not only a demon that only affects women

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      • Chris
        4 years ago

        Amen! Thank you!

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      • Abebe
        3 years ago

        It is very important and potent to pay for the erring but it can’t change everyone. If it could, on that day God won’t have to say to many who call Him “Lord, Lord”, “depart from me…”

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  8. Darrell
    9 years ago

    I would like to lovingly disagree with the advice given in this column. What advice would you give a disobedient rebellious child towards their parents. That should be the same advice to give a disobedient rebellious wife towards her husband. The root cause of an unsubmissive Wife is lack of being taught to respect her husband when she was a child she should have been raised to respect her husband and lack of submission to God and lack of fear of God when she becomes an adult. But the truth is God’s Word says rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. So the internal heart of an unsubmissive disobedient wife is equivalent to the internal heart a witch. and that heart makes the following statement “I will not submit to my husband or God”.

    This GREVIOUS SIN of lack of submission and rebellion towards God must be handled head on. Wives are “commanded” to submit to ther husbands. And from a child they are to be taught to obey and honor their husbands.

    The fear of the Lord must be placed in the wife. The fear of losing their salvation must be placed in the wife. The fear of dishonouring God must be placed in the wife. Just as the fear of a child who would be rebellious against their parents if they had no fear.

    Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church. the word specifically states that Christ loves whom he chatises. if parents have the right to chastise their children and Jesus has the right to chastise the church husbands have a right to chastise their wives. I didn’t say physical chastisement there are other ways to chastise.

    if I were a marriage counselor I would get back to Bible basics and I wouldn’t allow a man to marry a woman unless she fears the Lord and agrees to submit to her husband on pain of going to hell if she lives and unsubmissive rebellious life. I wouldn’t let the woman married a man unless he agrees to submit to the authority of Jesus Christ on pain of being lost and going to hell if he becomes unsubmissive and rebellious to Christ.

    In a marriage where a man walks in the authority of Christ there’s no such thing as an argument because he’s the head of the house what home has a submissive child that argues constantly with their parents you won’t find it. Just like on the job women submit to their bosses they don’t argue with them how come they can submit to their husbands.

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    • Serena
      9 years ago

      YIKES!! A rebellious child?? That is going to backfire on A LOT of men. I would encourage you to read the book of Hosea. God does not deal with an unfaithful wife like a rebellious child. In fact, using the analogy of Hosea and Gomer he does the opposite.

      “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.” Hosea 2:14

      The Maker of the feminine heart understands how her heart responds. Her heart responds with tenderness.

      1 Pet. 3:7 tells husbands to dwell with understanding. Understanding a woman is critical to a man’s own spiritual survival according to Peter… “So your prayers may not be hindered.”

      Also the picture of Christ and his Bride, the church. What a beautiful picture of sacrifice, humility and love. Eph 5 calls for husbands to be that same sacrifice.

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      • Darrell
        8 years ago

        I stand by my Word. In the middle east women don’t rebel against their husbands AT ALL, because they will get punished like a rebellious child. The proof is in the pudding. All unlawful actions MUST BE PUNISHED, any wife acting unlawfully against her husband should be punished until she concludes “i better obey my husband or else suffer the consequences”.

        Girls when they are raised need to taught to OBEY and SUBMIT as God commanded. PERIOD

        Husbands are not to Lord over their wife BUT they MUST ENFORCE punishment against all disobedience.

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        • monique
          5 years ago

          Your the reason women get divorced all we have to do is remain single to not be under yoir law. Ok

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          • Sam
            2 years ago

            God’s law

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        • Donna J.
          3 years ago

          And your attitude is the reason that we don’t want the husband to lead. We are NOT children; we are adult women who have good judgment, skills, intelligence and the right to be in charge of ourselves.
          I do not dictate to my husband how to do his work, whether his career job or the household jobs (i.e., repairs), and I do consider all of his ideas and use most of them, I want the same consideration from him. We are in a partnership, not a dictatorship.
          I think what you describe is not what God intends. God wants married couples to treat each other with love and respect. What you are describing is not loving nor respectful.

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      • Darrell
        8 years ago

        Serena, the Lord loves whom he Chastises, rebellious wives need to Chastised by the Husband or If she won’t agree to His correction, she needs to be “delivered up” to the Judgment of God.

        The MAIN REASON wives are rebellious is because satan hath entered her heart and caused her to believe a lie and to also not fear God.

        If a woman TRULY FEARED GOD and HER HUSBAND, she would not disobey him or God.

        The clear fact is this, if a women refuses to submit to her husband, she will die in her sins and go to hell according to the Scripture and the Words of Jesus Christ as all Rebellion is against God and his delegated authority. The delegated authority in the home is Jesus and then the Husband. Amen

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      • Flint
        7 years ago

        I think you need to read how many times the Lord God of Israel speaks of uncovering the nakedness of and punishing His rebellious wife Israel. Yes, He loves her, but MAN does he chastise her. A man should love His wife as Christ the church, but don’t forget Christ threatened to spew the church of Laodecia out of His mouth for their lukewarmness. God makes no promise to the Christian husband or wife about the response of their spouse to doing good. What I would say is that a spouse that REFUSES to follow the Scriptural instruction to the married is not a believer. A believer may mess up and sin, true, but they will not REFUSE to obey what God clearly says. You have some good words here, but this warning should be clear. God is not unclear in His instructions to the married. Strive to do what He says, but defy Him at your peril. Let Eve be your example of what happens to those who defy Him willfully.

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        • Serena
          7 years ago

          Read Hosea.

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          • Nameless
            6 years ago

            I did and you are incorrect. This passage is about the lost nation of Israel (a woman). You clearly do NOT understand the parable. And please read the scripture in context, you chose verse 14 because it suits your purposes. But let’s see how the Most High kicks her ass FIRST, before he tries the “nice treatment”. Here’s Hosea 2: 1-14

            Say ye unto your brethren, Ammi; and to your sisters, Ruhamah.

            2 Plead with your mother, plead: for she is not my wife, neither am I her husband: let her therefore put away her whoredoms out of her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts;

            3 Lest I strip her naked, and set her as in the day that she was born, and make her as a wilderness, and set her like a dry land, and slay her with thirst.

            4 And I will not have mercy upon her children; for they be the children of whoredoms.

            5 For their mother hath played the harlot: she that conceived them hath done shamefully: for she said, I will go after my lovers, that give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, mine oil and my drink.

            6 Therefore, behold, I will hedge up thy way with thorns, and make a wall, that she shall not find her paths.

            7 And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now.

            8 For she did not know that I gave her corn, and wine, and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold, which they prepared for Baal.

            9 Therefore will I return, and take away my corn in the time thereof, and my wine in the season thereof, and will recover my wool and my flax given to cover her nakedness.

            10 And now will I discover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and none shall deliver her out of mine hand.

            11 I will also cause all her mirth to cease, her feast days, her new moons, and her sabbaths, and all her solemn feasts.

            12 And I will destroy her vines and her fig trees, whereof she hath said, These are my rewards that my lovers have given me: and I will make them a forest, and the beasts of the field shall eat them.

            13 And I will visit upon her the days of Baalim, wherein she burned incense to them, and she decked herself with her earrings and her jewels, and she went after her lovers, and forgot me, saith the LORD.

            14 ***Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.****

            See!?! AFTER the ass kicking of 1-12. Stop “cherry-picking” scripture

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          • sonny
            2 years ago

            Wow, that’s heavy. I think we live in such a feminized and egalitarian culture, if a husband tries to hold his wife accountable … he would most likely be called abusive. Husbands and wives are not taught their Biblical roles well enough.

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        • Monique
          5 years ago

          A lot of men do think love like christ they think law of her husband is the law of the old testament. They have no grace and their leading. It is all law. Just listen closely as single women what they say. Choose wisely. Maybe if hire a private investigator to infiltrate and check out their true heart on the subject. You never have to place your self under the authority of a man. Marriage is optional not a requirement. You need to know what he believes. I talked to a guy telling him that women should submit. He said no a few weeks later learned from a credible source he felt men and women were not equal and that the problem with the world is that women thinks they are. Really no one wants to be married to someone who thinks your sub human

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          • Wil
            3 years ago

            Monique
            I am sorry that you don’t know any decent men… but if your attitude is that a woman should not submit to her husband you have not read the Bible, or you don’t believe what it says.

            No one forces you to be a Christian… christian rules are for Christians and the world can go its own way to destruction

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      • Patrick
        7 years ago

        Well said; I am a church Elder and my wife has decided to stop going to church. She has moved our son back into the house without asking me if it is okay. She is involved in gossip with a tale bearer. I have prayed and asked God to intervene for the better part of 10yrs and nothing has changed. She has a difficult time getting alone with people and blames everything on everybody else. In 2015 I found out that she had spread malicious lies on me, misrepresented who I am as a MOG and caused me great embarrassment. This was all spoken to my leaders and it spread throughout the church. As a result we separated and I was about to file for a divorce when she came to me sobbing and begging for me to take her back. Well I did and 3 years later I’m on my way back out the door. She didn’t change at all. Once the marriage covenant is broken, and there is no repentance, then the marriage is in a back-slidden state because it is a marriage that is operating out of the will of God.

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        • Chris
          2 years ago

          Patrick,

          I’m sorry to hear about this. You posted this 5 years ago, do you have an update?

          I’m struggling in my marriage. I have been very depressed and at times suicidal although I know it’s not right. I’m realizing that I cannot sin despite my difficulty and that I should have confidence in God’s Word and promises despite having a combative marriage. I can’t put down 23 years of history about my wife to paint an appropriate picture but my wife acts the submissive role only when it suits her.

          This has continuously caused a diversion to my life long goals. How can she be called a helpmeet if literally every goal I set she is against?

          Furthermore, I have come to believe that she is narcissistic, any time I confront an issue she points it back to me, she has rarely apologized for her actions and never admits to wrong. When I try to have a discussion to address issues she will start talking over me to purposely aggravate me. On the flip side, I have apologized and easily asked her to forgive me for things I’ve done wrong.

          I’m sick of it. I do believe there are only two reasons for divorce, having an affair and abandonment. In a way, I feel she has abandoned our marriage but I also want to be sure I’m not trying to find excuses to divorce her. I feel trapped but am also giving her over to her actions and praying to God about it.

          Any thoughts?

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          • Musa
            1 year ago

            Hello Chris,

            Thanks for your words, and sorry I am not here with an answer. I just identify with your scenario. I am the most wonderful man when I am saying what my wife wants to hear. Our relationship is perfect, as long as I don’t have any expectation, or do not correct her. If I complain about her lack of submission gently, she ignores me. If I complain angrily, she fights back, then will do things like a petulant child (just like saying “get it then, you happy?”).

            I have loved my wife, but I am tired of my spirit being killed by a wife who will not respect me, will not listen to correction no matter how gentle, who wants me to conform to the man she wants me to be (in my opinion a weak, indulgent man who has no expectations of his wife), not the man I am supposed to be (in my opinion, a strong leader who even though making mistakes, wants to lead a family where people listen to each other and are concerned about being the best for each other). She never apologized, only justifies, fights back, and gets into whataboutism. What to do? I am serious about my marriage covenant, but I also long to me a man, to have a woman who sees me as a man, who appreciates my masculinity and makes me want to be better and better.

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          • sonny
            1 year ago

            It grieves me to hear this and other stories similar. I too am at a loss of what to do with a rebellious and unsubmissive wife. My conservative baptist pastor will not hold her accountable which is frustrating. My wife took the kids and left almost three years ago. I fought against “divorce”, but the STATE rammed it through and my pastor did not oppose it with more than a whisper.
            After a boatload of research, God has plenty to say and I have a few things to report. Let’s start with God and the case against divorce… as in no Biblical permission. Follow closely. I am well aware of Wayne Grudem and the egalitarian and feminist influence upon the church.
            God hates divorce (Mal 2). What ever God hates is a sin. Marriage is until death (Rom 7, 1 cor 7). God commands not to separate and not to get divorced (1 cor 7)
            Now, let’s deal with the shoddy eisegesis and bad theology. Wayne Grudem wrote a paper based on 1 cor 7 where it deals with unequally yoked marriage where it says “in like or similar cases”, and by reading between the lines, people have made the argument that if a woman feels abused… this is tantamount to abandonment and grounds for divorce. I say “hogwash”. It’s practically “no fault divorce” where if someone feels abused then they somehow have grounds for divorce. In my opinion, this is taken completely out of context. The verses are in the context of an unbelieving spouse (unequally yoked). It says if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, then you can let them go and then you can get married. It appears God doesn’t recognize unequally yoked marriage as a Biblical marriage. Let’s go back to Matthew 19 where Jesus said divorce was never intended. Moses gave a writ of divorce because of the hardness of heart or sinful rebellion. The writ of divorce is not God’s permission, but sin management so compounding sin doesn’t bring the wrath of God down upon them. Notice that permission to marry is never granted as marrying someone divorce is always listed as adultery and sin. Why? because marriage is until death. Matthew, Mark, and Luke all say the same thing… that remarriage after divorce is adultery. Let’s look at the reaction of the disciples. They were sad and discouraged after Jesus explained it privately again. If God granted divorce and remarriage, the disciples would have been happy because they would get to trade in the old one for a new one. But they were sad because God doesn’t approve of divorce separation or remarriage. Remarriage is polygamy and adultery or sin. I was taught my whole life in Baptist churches you could get divorced for adultery and the unbelieving spouse, and they were wrong. Just because we can sin… that doesn’t mean it’s OK. For 2500 years before Moses, there was no God approved divorce. Jesus said let no man separate what God has joined together. The marriage is supposed to be symbolic of God’s faithfulness to His bride the church…. never to divorce and faithful to the end. Hosea is our example of how to treat adulterous spouses… stay with them. 1 Peter 2 and 3 lays out the groundwork that we are to suffer and not leave an abusive situation. Several examples are given and it’s all tied together with marriage in ch 3. All of this information makes the solid case that there is no form of divorce or remarriage allowed by God except the unbelieving spouse in 1 cor 7, and I believe it’s because being unequally yoked is a sinful state to start with. God appears to value Christian marriage as higher than unequally yoked and non Christian marriage because it would appear without the Holy Spirit, they are just the dead leading the dead. I know this is a lot, so do your homework and check the verses to see if what I’m saying is true. The compromisers who eisegete the passages just want an excuse to justify their sinful state.

            To the sinful wife situation…. love her as Hosea loved Gomer. Be faithful until death as God is faithful with us. AS difficult as it is, love her anyway. The wife wants to feel secure. It’s our job to figure out how to make her feel secure, and then she will be more likely to submit to our leadership.

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          • Servant of Christ
            9 months ago

            You are pretty much spot on , you overlooked a verse though , and I think you even quoted from that chapter , Jesus did permit you to put your wife away in literally one single occasion and it’s not adultery , because adultery can happen in the heart , Jesus answered them when asked if they could put their wives away as Moses gave a letter , now he said he gave them because of hardness of heart as you mention , but then he followed this up and said they may not put the wife away “except it be for fornication” which is different than adultery which happens in the heart , fornication can not happen in the heart , it is the physical act of sex outside a marriage , and of course sex with someone who’s not your husband , is obviously sex outside your marriage , or , a marriage , and is fornication , this makes her an adulterer and a fornicator , more importantly , she is using the act of sex meant to consummate a marriage and join two people and now she just went and did it with someone else , God will not join a harlot to his body nor sinners , if he would , he would never command us to repent and be baptized for remission of sin before indwelling us , and Hebrews deals with those who leave the covenant to go under some other false covenant , being joined elsewhere , there is no more sacrifice for their sins , you broke God’s covenant , you broke fellowship and unity and this is what the wife has done who cheats on her husband and for this , Jesus only give this one example and nothing else did he give , for good reason . We are one flesh by this act , we are all one in Christ , you are illegally joining someone else to the body of Christ and perverting God’s entire covenant both with him and your husband , Jesus said anywhere coming in any other way is a thief and a robber , you must repent and be baptized in his name just like anyone else has to if you wanna join as one to Christ . God will not force a man to be joined to a woman who joined with another , neither will force you to join yourself with a satanist or something , hence , the passage about unbelievers , you see , he called it unequally yoked , you are joined to the body of Christ and yet she is not and she is joined to you while also being joined to the world , so why would he put you in that bondage , neither will he put you in the bondage on a fornicator who joins herself to another man through a sexual act meant only for the consummation of a marriage with man and women and going forward between them alone , when she does , she breaks the covenant and now you are unequally yoked once again as I understand it .

            I have heard people deny this even though it’s right there in scripture , they somehow said it means something else which is insane as it’s not a confusing verse or parable it’s a plain and straight forward verse with simple speech used , and I am confused how this happens , but , even though God does indeed run a tight ship , he’s not going to force people into marriages with people off having literal sex with another man inside them and joining themself to that person and then expect she can just come home and you are to then go inside her after , that’s insanity , apart of the covenant vow is that you will be faithful just like God’s covenant which is always likened to a marriage , you could not go worship Baal and then come back and pray unto God and remain in his covenant , you will have broken it and joined yourself to the devil and he has every right to cut you off , many believers will be the branches in John 15 he snaps off into the fire that were grafted in , God was not forced to be in covenant with you after you are unfaithful to his covenant

            Hope this makes sense , but you are correct , there is essentially almost no reason to put a wife away , we can’t do it , that would be the only case really , unbelievers who want out and married women who go off and fornicate .

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          • Servant of Christ
            9 months ago

            What do you mean abandonment , there is no verse for this brother, Jesus said “except it be for fornication” which shows you that a sexual affair with someone else is the only reason to put her away when they asked him , so , don’t let the devil lead you to hell , you might need to keep to yourself and live at a distance from her , you can’t divorce her though , that makes you and her adulterers , it’s difficult because of this , I know this myself , but , that is why the Jews were shocked and said who can bare this reality essentially in a paraphrase , as in , who can successfully be married if this is the case , and , yes , it is extremely difficult , we all should have thought much longer , much harder and had a much better screening process with patience , it’s too late now , we need to seek God and keep trying keep praying , I even fasted with water only for 40 days , believe me , i know what it means to pray and to try and to see nothing change but I definitely know I’m not aloud to just put her away , which is good , my flesh would have already done so , and then what will come of her salvation all for my comfort? If being married will maybe one day lead them to change , it will be worth it surely , we are doing this as unto the lord for his will and not ours , our will is clearly peace , but , sometimes we need to suffer . I see a lot of divorce talk in here and that means the devil has you both right where he wants you , on the way to hell fire

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      • Jon
        6 years ago

        GEN – 3:16 Rule, not co-manage, not share, not partnered RULE

        EPH – 5:22 – As to the Lord, not like the church, on Sunday when you decide to go, not as you would an officer of the law, not as to a judge, a president , a dictator, but AS TO THE LORD

        He created Man in his image, woman is a HELPER, a companion to keep man from being lonely. NOT HIS PARTNER. Nor in his image.

        1CO – 11:7 – 9 from and for a man not the other way around.

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        • Serena
          6 years ago

          Eph 5 directly correlates Jesus and the church to husband and wife.
          Jesus makes statements of himself that he came to serve, save and referred to himself as the Son of Man. Being the Christ figure in a marriage comes at a deep cost of self sacrifice.

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          • Roger
            5 years ago

            Self sacrifice?? Sacrificing his authority over the church?? What was his sacrifice about?? Don’t make the mistake of confusing his sacrificial work to save his church with his authority over his church. It is antichristian/antibiblical to believe and teach that Christ set aside his authority over his “bride” in order to give his life for his “bride”. Feminist thought and attitudes have infiltrated the thinking of even the modern American church.

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        • Monique
          5 years ago

          so you basically you want to be a curse to your wife post being redeemed from the curse of the law. Maybe you should love like Christ and not rule like Adam. Sad thing is she was not cursed. She was told she would DESIRE her husband which men twist into saying saying she wants to rule him. No she desires him and he simply rules her. But at least she have a great promise of christ yes pain in child birth but thats nothing. Look in your word. Adam cursed Serpent cursed Eve never had a curse on her. Your rule is not a damn law its a consequence. You want to be a curse to your wife. Sick she is to submit but your not to lord it over her. That’s sin

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          • Wilf
            3 years ago

            “..Maybe you should love like Christ and not rule like Adam..”

            Adam did not rule over Eve until after the Fall.. she was his helpmate but the term ‘rule’ comes with the curse…. I think you are talking about the extra-Biblical story of Adams 1st wife, Lillith, mother of demons, who refused to be subject to Adam.

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      • JOHNNY CULVER
        4 years ago

        I AGREE 100%,, BUT WHAT DOES THE BIBLE TELL A WIFE TO DO,. YOU NEVER HEAR THESE WORDS.

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    • Robbie Nelson
      9 years ago

      100% agree with you also make sure parents stay out of their daughter’s home. Like my mother in law the queen of the witch she and her sister destroyed my home not because I didn’t stand up because my wife feared her mother more. They conjured up a lie on abuse. However I do know, God will seek his revenge

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      • Lloyd
        8 years ago

        Jesus said to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you bless those who curse you. “if you love only those who love you then what is the difference between you and the pagans”
        GOD loves you infinitely. please walk on the narrow way as only few go to heaven.God will reward you for you. This life is just temporary. Please watch shocking youth message by Paul washer. GOD JESUS loves you beyond your imagination. GOD rebukes those whom HE loves. Prayer makes wonders

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      • Lloyd
        8 years ago

        *GOD will reward you for practicing HIS teachings

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    • Me
      7 years ago

      Darrel your comment here is crazy and unbiblical.
      You put a heavy load on the wife here, it is contrary to what scripture says husbands will give accountability to God for their family.
      Scripture says for the husband to love his wife as Jesus loves the church.
      These aren’t words to take lightly at all.
      Christ died for the church.
      He covered her sin through His blood.
      He forgave her, and continues to love despite her sin, as you should Always forgive your wife.

      Jesus intercedes for the church, you as a husband should hold that heavily.
      The body (Christians) has faults, it is at times rebellious, yet Christ died for her anyway. He loved her to death!
      Be Christ like first.

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      • David
        7 years ago

        I wish you would shut up. What Darrell said is absolutely correct. God say he chastises those he lives. He is not all soft as many of you make out. I believe it was Paul who said it is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of God. We should all fear him and ensure we obey what he says on the Word. Look what happened to Annanias and Safirah (excuse spelling). They were killed by God for lying. What about the man who refused to obey God when told by Paul to stop having sex with his step mother? He was handed over to Satan and killed. We have to realise that wives obligations to her husband is not condititional upon her husband treating her in a certain way. She was commanded to obey and respect her husband. She will bear the penalty for disobeying. Likewise the husband was told to love his wife as Christ love the Church. A wife should obey despite her husbands behaviour or whether he is a Christian or not. We lived in a time of apostasy where everyone wants to do there own thing and live as they wish. They will pay for such rebellious behaviour. The practice of rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. We follow the worlds behaviour and have no regard to Gods Word and his commandments.

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        • Heyley
          7 years ago

          On behalf of women everywhere, we wish YOU would shut up! So sick of all these whiney men with short-man syndrome that don’t feel like a man unless they’re forcing their wives to submit. Women are strong so quit whining about it and just step up already. We are tired of being “submissive” to men who don’t LEAD, so we realized we don’t have to. So you shut up.

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          • Paul
            7 years ago

            You submit to your man as the Church submits to Christ.
            Your disobedience shows disobedience to Christ.

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          • wilf
            3 years ago

            Heyley
            “..We are tired of being “submissive” to men who don’t LEAD, so we realized we don’t have to. So you shut up..”

            No one forces you to be a Christian… if you dont like what the Bible says then don’t follow it.
            If you want to follow Jesus then the Bible says that a wife must submit and a husband must lead in a loving way… if you don’t like that fine, just don;t pretend to be a christian

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    • Margaret Heekin
      7 years ago

      There is nothing loving in anything you are saying. A woman is not a child. If this is your attitude, please stay single. Do it all yourself, by yourself. Spare an unsuspecting woman your rage. If you are married, i am praying for your wife. She is married to a monstet.

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      • hurting418years
        7 years ago

        Adult or child matters simply on your behavior not sure age not your gender not your marital status if someone’s behaving like a child sometimes you have to treat them like a child. Reducing yourself to add home IAM attacks such as Monster shows your maturity level more than anything. What should a man do with an unsubmissive wife who does nothing but take his resources and treat him like dirt. Does he have no recourse. Does he have a right to take away his provision.

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      • Twopuc
        5 years ago

        Judging???? Is that not God’s place? I wish Christian men would learn to spot your Catholic rhetoric. He is quoting scripture and by your tone I can tell you are NOT speaking under spirit as you dare to Challenge God’s word… God made Adam and then Eve… We are biologically different and there is much strength and power in being graceful and gracious. I pity you

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    • V. Green
      7 years ago

      God also says leave the past in the past and to continue to have faith love and hope. Love is patient so just as the Lord forgives you for your sins, you should also forgive your wife because the devil doesn’t want to see marriages work for Gods people

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    • Jesus Rodriguez de la Torre
      7 years ago

      Women today are absolved of any responsibility by the churchianity. While losing salvation is gping too far, never do you see in these posts any consequence for the wife. The Bible gives this advice repeatedly to husbands of disobedient wives: walk away. The silent treatment, followed by separation but not divorce is quite recommended in Proverbs and Song of Spngs. I’m in a 35 year happy marriage because when my wife became infected with disobedience tgat is what i did. I also stopped working and told her we would now all gp into bankruptcy. After a short time she realized i was not her doormat. She changed, and we have been happy since. How does Christ treat the disobedient Church? Read the letter to Laodicea. Today’s popular churchianity is a feminized, emasculating unbalanced copy of the world. This is seen as women no longer cover their heads in Church. I

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      • Monique
        5 years ago

        after a while you made her was your doormat. Poor women probably spits in your food. Where your tooth brush been lately. Pig

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    • Eddy
      6 years ago

      I agree with this man, I know the scriptures and this man would be backed by at least 90% of us Men.

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    • Jelaya
      6 years ago

      The Bible doesn’t support chastising a wife sorry it just doesn’t: instead it tells you to love her as you love yourself also don’t do to your wife what you would not want done to you or what you would not do to yourself, Paul goes on to say that no man hates himself but nurtures and cherishes his body. Even though God chastise the church it is not a commandment for you to chastise the church Paul gives you the lay out on how to deal with your wife, and what exactly does it mean by loving your wife as Christ loves the church giving your life for her teaching her cleansing her with the word, and correcting her all with Love and gentleness. If a man tries to excercise this kind of authority over her he will have to face the judgement of God and his prayers will be hindered.

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      • Monique
        5 years ago

        Don’t blame the media. Years of slavery spilting up homes thougjy me I better not need a man. Your women have the luxury of needing you. My husband my die with a knee on his neck. Any black man worth his salt wants a women who he know does not need him to survive but wants him. My spouse. Enter not need me because I could die. My dead beat dad tought me I did not need a man because I survived without him. Men teach women we don’t need them. I dont need anyone who would or could leave or be taken from me.

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      • Servant of Christ
        9 months ago

        With your reasoning which was a mix mash of scriptures out of context , we can do as we please and God can not chastise us , I mean , why are any people even going to hell then? They call him Lord , they were grafted in and many of those people are going to hell . God made it clear he indeed does chastise the church he loves , that’s why he does it , because he loves her , I think you’re confused , the man of God wants her in order that she may learn , grow , become wise , fruitful and have peace in her life with lots of love , not to simply flex his authority , you are reading your own personal bias into the conversation here and it’s showing for you and many women in here . You came to an article about submission yet have no humility or submissive spirit in you . This idea that love comes without correction is literal insanity , the entire bible is about love and correction together , do you read the word dear? Maybe if you had a husband you were submissive to , you might learn the word , but even still , Jesus will teach you , but not in that rebellious spirit making excuses by cherry picking verses you feel suits your claims , the entire bible goes together , yes there is love we agree , we must do it in love , God knows our heart , God sees our fruit , surely , we must love , but that does not all of a sudden give you a hall pass on correction and even consequences, that’s the mind of a rebellious teenager , not a meek and God fearing women who respect the order he sets and the commands he gave .

        Maybe meditate on this and read the word more , you and many here seem to despise the words submission and chastisement , yet they are in God’s word over and over , you then despise the things of God , and , are disobedient to God since it is as unto the lord you submit , well if it’s into the Lord , ask yourself , all this stuff you spew in here , would you say it to Jesus , or would you listen with fear and reverence in love?

        As unto the lord is spoken for a precise reason and it’s because without this level of obedience , the devil will take full advantage of our wife as he did eve and she will do exactly what eve did when found guilty , blame someone else …

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    • Brother John
      4 years ago

      Right on! A breath of fresh air reading this. So like the many others I have a disobedient, rebellious wife who is your typical church-going, self-professed Christian that doesn’t want to be led or taught unless she agrees. I’m expected to love her like Christ loved the church (the feminists twisted pet doctrine), which in her feminist mindset is a pampering, carnal love and being HER helper. The love that Christ has for the church is clearly laid out – giving his life for the church and cleansing and sanctifying it by teaching, rebuking, and chastening. But she doesn’t want to hear it UNLESS it tickles the ears and goes through the feminist filter. What makes this all worse is that she, like most other modern rebellious women, has an army of other feminist “Christian” women that support and encourage her, including nearly every false modern so-called church, and she is being tossed to and fro with all this charismaniac signs and wonders garbage which only makes her more confident in her errors because “God is blessing her and all the other women.” So many examples to give, but let me just say that if I don’t want my wife and my daughters prancing around in yoga pants or shorts up their behinds because I believe it’s ungodly then I expect compliance, not gathering a gang of people, even men, to “counsel” me and tell me I’m wrong. This is my love toward them, as Christ loved the church.

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  9. Claude
    9 years ago

    I’m a disciple of Jesus Christ. Although, I do agree with the author most women not only in North America but throughout the world are not submissive. This is a big problem in our world today that the evil has taken control of in many areas. It has cause women’s hearts to become hard and cold.

    The world and media teach women they don’t need a man. They don’t need to be submissive. It’s more beneficial to be prideful or be your own women. When indeed women need men. It seems to me women don’t know what they want. They want to lead but want a man to lead in certain areas.

    This lack of submission is causing havoc in marriages. Mind you, I’m an alpha male. So you can imagine the problems I’ve had in my marriage.

    Due to this fact, I recently had a terrible incident in my marriage that I will regret for the rest of my life… but long story short… I’m separated from my wife because of this exact issue. But, I do attend to stay with my wife and work things out. I do not believe in divorce accept for marital unfaithfulness.

    My wife does not respect or trust me, she fights me about decisions concerning the kids, house, moving and even tells me when to say thank you, and how to drive. it took me a long time to accept my wife is not submissive. I’m here to tell you. I have accepted my wife and 85% (this number might be higher) of women in our world are not submissive.

    We has men must be the stronger one. If we are to change help our women to stop this sin. We must be the leader God has call us to be. We must learn how to communicate with our wives in a loving way. We must learn how to deal with conflict in a godly way.

    In addition, we need to lead our wives in,

    love
    humility
    respect
    serving
    patience
    turning the other cheek
    understanding
    consideration
    compromise

    without expecting anything back. Our wives will indeed listen to us and began submitting has the good Lord commanded. However, this is not an easy task if you are an alpha male to have women who resembles an alpha male.

    it’s going to take a change in mindset, attitude, reaction and self control. We are going to need prayer, fasting, reading and applying the Word to do this. It will take applying 1 Corinthians 13. We must love them unconditionally. Your wife could cut your arm off you still must love her.

    if your wife disrespects, voice the hurt in a loving way, respect her, if you wife tells you what to do, do it (unless it goes against the Holy Bible), if your wife wants to fight, don’t, let her win the fight. If your wife don’t want to move, don’t. If your wife is rude, (voice the hurt, lovingly) lover her. If your wife is impatient, be patient. If your wife is mean, be nice. if your wife is prideful, be humble.

    I’ve decided that I’m going to love, respect and consider my wife when we’re back together.

    Remember, the Bible says, the women’s desire will be for her husband, Genesis 3:16. We has husbands can influence our wives to be submissive by leading the way spiritually. By changing the way they see God and ultimately you as their husband.

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    • Darrell
      8 years ago

      Claude, your wife’s unsubmission to you is DIRECT INTENTIONAL DISOBEDIENCE to God, GOD said, “Wives submit to and obey your husbands”.

      Claude you must tell your wife that She will die in her sins if She will not submit to God or you as God states: 1 Samuel 15:23
      For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king.

      Jesus said, why call you me Lord Lord and do not the things I say “Wives submit to your Husbands”

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    • Darrell
      8 years ago

      Claude, your wife’s unsubmission to you is DIRECT INTENTIONAL DISOBEDIENCE to God, GOD said, “Wives submit to and obey your husbands”.

      Claude you must tell your wife that She will die in her sins if She will not submit to God or you as God states: 1 Samuel 15:23
      For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king.

      Jesus said, why call you me Lord Lord and do not the things I say “Wives submit to your Husbands”

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    • Ralph
      6 years ago

      As wonderful as it sounds, I am greatly alarmed. This belief presents rather a man’s submission to his wife, instead of the other way round. Because when a man looks on and the wife directs everything, she is the one in control. And this is no way different from how Jezebel led King Ahab into error, and consequently the entire nation of Israel. A woman, who is not submissive to her her husband, is at the risk of leading her husband, and her entire family as well as church (if she is a pastor’s wife) into gross heresy. That was not Sarah. And obviously not Elizabeth, Mary and all the pious women of old. This is the backslidden woman, whose heart is uncircumcised by God’s Word. Remember, the rapture is not very far away

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    • Sarah
      5 years ago

      Beautiful!

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  10. Christian Ayiku
    8 years ago

    An submissive woman is a real disappointment to a husband. Women must be very careful because when they cause a man to grief, it turns into a snare for the woman.

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  11. Gabriel Disegha
    8 years ago

    Several of these home conflicts between husbands and wives are beyond psychology and mere church social life. We as men and women must draw the spiritual battle line and fight the necessary spiritual warfare continuously (The Word of God has enough backing for us). If you need a higher anointing, ministries abound that are ready to render such service. Then continue your usual love and submission business. Any mistake we make now can cost us a fortune… O’ our precious children… I love them… O; my wife! I can’t let her go. I must take my proper place, and let her take her proper place; we may exchange positions for purpose of assisting each other just on need or due to circumstance, but not due to conflict. DO NOT LOSE HOPE; OUR WIVES ARE VERY GOOD PEOPLE… THEY ARE THERE FOR OUR BLESSING. MY WIFE, I LOVE YOU…

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  12. Roderick
    8 years ago

    This is typical of most Christian posts about unsubmissive, strong-willed women. You make it the man’s fault. He should love her, honor her, etc.

    Nowhere in evangelical teaching have I seen anyone tackle the issue of a nagging, hateful, controlling wife. I am on multiple medications to deal with the stress of living with such a woman. After going to many counselors and pastors myself, and she goes to none, saying that “if you would just get right with God and be a leader”, I have decided that there is no hope in the Church for a man like me. I HAVE loved. I HAVE honored. You can ask anyone who knows us.

    The Church will not hold women accountable for their actions, but it is so quick to damn men with the Scriptures about “loving her as Christ loves the Church”. Christ also has nothing to do with people who reject Him. Is that the route an abused husband should take?

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    • Serena
      8 years ago

      This particular post was written for men. As a woman in ministry, I typically write and teach to the woman and I deal with this subject on the women’s end a number of times. We have an absolute command to respect and submit.

      http://wp.me/p2bihf-2d0

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      • Jacob S
        2 years ago

        Serena, I don’t know if you will see this but I as a God fearing Christian man deeply appreciate the posts that you have posted and the heart behind them. Hosea is an amazing and convicting book to read. The posts of most of the men on this group are shameful and degrading and show exactly what kind of men they are. Authoritarian controlling monsters who have abused and destroyed many women. There are some exceptions but most of the fault in Christian marriages lies with the husband. As men we are called to lead and that means loving our wives as Christ loved the church. And I would really like to look some of these men in the eye and ask them if they honestly can tell me that they have fulfilled that commandment.

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    • Darrell
      8 years ago

      Roderick, your wife’s unsubmission to you is DIRECT INTENTIONAL DISOBEDIENCE to God, GOD said, “Wives submit to and obey your husbands”.

      Roderick you must tell your wife that She will die in her sins if She will not submit to God or you as God states: 1 Samuel 15:23
      For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king.

      Jesus said, why call you me Lord Lord and do not the things I say “Wives submit to your Husbands”

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  13. Jones
    8 years ago

    With all due respect, I don’t like this post. Everybody blames the man n He’s told to persevere n endure while the woman gains psychological advantage day by day @ the expense of the man. This dirty unsubmissive trend in feminism weakens a man n later the woman will call him weak.
    An unsubmissive woman is most times; controlling and a user, where she turns the man to her emotional punching bag n that’s emotional abuse,
    My advice, if you know an unsubmissive woman who quarrels regularly like she eats food, leave her for good before it degenerates to physical abuse and the man is blamed again because a woman of marriage age must have been in several relationships to which all her ex(es) complained but she found nothing wrong n left them.

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    • Darrell
      8 years ago

      Jones I agree

      a wife’s unsubmission to you is DIRECT INTENTIONAL DISOBEDIENCE to God, GOD said, “Wives submit to and obey your husbands”.

      you must tell your wife that She will die in her sins if She will not submit to God or you as God states: 1 Samuel 15:23
      For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the Lord, he hath also rejected thee from being king.

      Jesus said, why call you me Lord Lord and do not the things I say “Wives submit to your Husbands”

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      • God chosen one
        7 years ago

        Unforgiveness is a disobedience towards God, you suppose to love in spite of. Instead of pointing the figure at your wife examine yourself and see if you are doing the will of God. Not being submissive is not grounds to leave or divorce your wife unless she comits adultery. If you leave your wife bc she not submissive you are being disobedient yourself. God wants us yo be submissive one to another. Most of all each person suppose to submit to the God that is in both of you. As a man you suppose to lead as an example for your family when the see God in you it’s easy to submit. But God is love Jones don’t listen to Darrell bc he seems like he will rule his wife with an iron hand which God says to not do. It seem like he is holding some unforgiveness and is angry about something.

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        • Twopuc
          5 years ago

          Yes and… you rebuke that bad in the people you love???? Not in those you hate chop… If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t care less… what’s your point actually, God himself made man head of the home not man??? Is she is working against you she is not for you… God gave everyone freewill to choose who we serve that’s why it’s so hard it’s a choice…another Catholic rhetoric

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        • Sjo
          5 years ago

          Gods Chosen One
          Forgiving someone doesn’t mean staying married to them . You can forgive them and even love them from afa

          It simply means you release them from any sense of bitterness

          Being married to an unsubimissive woman at a certain point simply becomes impractical in my case my wife just simply refuses to stay within budget meaning loads and loads of unnecessary bills

          There is no marriage in heaven . Marriage serves a practical purpose here . Two cannot walk together unless they agree

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          • Larry
            5 years ago

            Love never fails. If you love God, then you realize He does not want you to divorce your wife but humble yourself and pray for her, be an excellent example of authentic faith. If you love her, then you will want to win this battle through Christ. Divorcing her would be punitive. If she keeps doing the things you hate it’s probably because she wants you to do the deed. Don’t do it. Love her, pray for her, and make sure you are in no way playing a religious game. Lord Jesus, I pray you will step directly into the middle of this situation by Your spirit and bring humility and clarity to both of these hurting souls. Amen.

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  14. Rapunzel
    8 years ago

    You are of course saying that submission should be a back and forth thing, not just submission only from the woman, right? The husbands should be submitting, too.

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    • Paul
      7 years ago

      No he should not. A wife submits to her man as the Church submits to Christ. Christ does not submit to the Church.

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      • Cheyanne
        6 years ago

        Yes, it’s mutual, we are suppose to submit to one another out of reverence to Christ, in fact the word submit it’s the same word used for a wife submitting to a husband, in the case submit is used in it means love and respect. Husbands and wife’s love other respect each other and take each other into consideration, even God told Abraham to listen to everything Sarah says so yes a man should and can listen to his wife, any man who doesn’t listen to his wife is disobedient, Prideful and doesn’t love Christ.

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    • Greg
      5 years ago

      The Bible commands wives to respect and submit to their husband. It commands men to honor wives as the weaker vessel, and to love them as Christ loves the church.
      I don’t find anything about mutual submission. Except in society, where feminism has taken control of modern women.

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      • John
        2 years ago

        Yes, Adam got in trouble for following in Eve’s footsteps instead of stepping up in that moment. Men are called to lead, to have a vision that propels the family toward the things of God and away from the world. Women are not capable or called to take this place. Feminism is a delusion. It tears down society, destroying the inherent differences between men and women. The equality and meaninglessness of men vs. women in modern society led directly to the trans/LGBTQ problem that we have now because if there’s no difference between men and women, then a man can be a woman and vise-versa. Women’s leadership has infected society, and the reward for that is chaos.

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  15. Suomynona
    8 years ago

    I must be missing something. Nearly every single piece of advise I read about Christian marriage essentially says that a woman has no obligation to the covenant of marriage unless she wants to have an obligation to the conversant of marriage. I’m sick and tired of men leading marriage seminars with the lines ‘make her family feel good’, ‘make her feel good’, ‘give her everything she wants’, and maybe just maybe She will honor you. It is damn hard taking a stand for what is right in this world and having a spiritually unfaithful wife is like Chinese water torture. How about a little bit of the other side of the coin? Your wayward wife is heading off headlong into her own destruction and on the day she stands before the Lord he won’t ask her whether she thought her husband was worthy of respect He will ask her whether His commandment to her to honor her husband should have been obeyed. It is not my fault if my wife’s daddy and mommy didn’t discipline her correctly as a child and thinking that God want’s me to woo her when what she needs is discipline is nuts. The Bible does not condone the abuse of anyone but the way some of you people talk the man is just another appendage whose only value is in the cost of the services his income provides. Minus an income I guess a man is of no use to a woman at all! It doesn’t matter if he loves the Lord, stands up for the truth, is a good father? The problem is most of this so called marriage advice is really a petition to compromise. Paul told us straight up, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let them go! Yes it is going to hurt and you may have been partly to blame for the difficulties your marriage faced but your spouse is 100% responsible for giving up and the politics of the practical really does not matter here. Until your wife submits to Christ she can never submit to anyone and that is a fact. What about the kids watching mommy constantly manipulate, throw a fit, devalue their father because mommy doesn’t want Jesus anymore? No, listen to Paul. Face the pain and let it go. Don’t cower to her. Stand! And if she stays and lives by the rules of the house you will have gained your wife. If she leaves she is responsible for all that follows and that is what will matter in the day of judgment, a day which will come to all the unfaithful, the liars, the adulterers, and the greedy.

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    • Larry
      8 years ago

      You do err from scripture..just one case and point..To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
      Titus:2:5

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    • D
      6 years ago

      Suomynona, you have stated it well. The wife’s attitude toward her husband is also her face to the Lord. If she will present her heart to the Lord, she is revealing it through her response to her husband’s authority. That authority is God’s order – it is not an earned respect. The husband is encouraged to live up to his spiritual position of leadership but regardless that he does or not bears no change upon the woman’s duty to her husband and her position/role in the structure of authority within the family order that God has set for the family to function properly.

      If the woman will not submit to her husband, she is declaring her attitude to God simultaneously. She is in rebellion. And unless she corrects herself or receives correction elsewhere, the path of rebellion will lead to curses not blessings – and ultimately, she will be held personally responsible for her disobedience to Christ on the day she stands before him.

      Some advocate discipline. I personally don’t think this is the way (but maybe some women actually subconsciously want this and is part of the reason for their behavior – the human mind can be strange).

      I think that standing strong on the God’s Creation order for the family, living it and walking it out personally, and reminding the wife of her role in the matter and the spiritual/material world ramifications for treating God with indifference is the way to go.

      Like you said, and Paul said – if the spouse goes, let them go. The scriptures do not advocate getting a replacement wife while she is living. There is room for restoration.

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    • Mike
      5 years ago

      There is a mix of biblical principles and opinions in several of these posts. Truth is, every marriage must have the mutual commitment from both to continually pursue one another by reconciliation. I agree that if a marriage is in trouble, and if either one, or both are not submitted to God’s order, there will be perpetual disappointment. An unhappy spouse looking for a marriage exit strategy is not in submission to God, or their spouse, that is difficult to overcome. I am convinced that submission to God is the key which opens up the conduit for blessing and fulfillment in marriage, but both spouses must be in submission.

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  16. Omar
    8 years ago

    I am a young Muslim who recently got married and I thought this article was talking exactly to me and giving me the solutions too. I thought I was the only one here…. thanks a lot! I don’t know how I even found this article

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  17. DB
    8 years ago

    Serena,

    Your posts and replies to post are spot in alignment with God’s word. Many people will not want to hear what you’re saying because they want to do things their way and not God’s way. God’s way tells them to do things in a softer manner but they want to do things in an aggressive manner like society has told them they should. Ephesians 5:21 first tells us to submit to one another in reverence towards God. Are we submitting to God and are we also submitting to our wives when they ask us to wear a certain shirt or when they ask us not to go out to the store too late? Are we leading by example because everything Christ asks us (his bride) to do he did also himself. I want to commend you for your Godly counsel and want you to know that despite what people say on this post those who want to do things the Godly way will take heed to your Godly counsel.

    Thank you so much for this. It has already and will continue to help me greatly.

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    • Serena
      8 years ago

      I appreciate that!

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  18. roger
    8 years ago

    The impression was left that if the husband perseveres in his duty to love [even to the point of setting aside his mandate and responsibility before God, letting his wife dominate the home] an unsubmissive wife, she will as a consequence, eventually, lovingly submit. That is a promise that you can’t make and shouldn’t make. It belies the truth of many marriages that only last because of a husband that tolerates this kind of woman to the point of becoming nothing more than a figurehead leader in the home. My guess is that someday it will become apparent that many divorces involving christian couples [and due to a wife like this], that the greater condemnation from God will actually fall upon the wife. The modern church, possibly in attempting to prove to the world that we affirm and protect women and women’s rights, have minimized the seriousness of the refusal, for whatever reason, for the wife to acquiesce to Christ’s authority in her life by lovingly submitting to her loving husband in the daily life of their marriage. The scriptures are unequivocal on that point, just as much as they are concerning the husband loving his wife.

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    • hurting418years
      7 years ago

      Rodger this was a beautiful response thank you for this the church and the West has truly gone the way of secular culture feminism it puts woman’s needs to feel whatever above men

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  19. Larry
    8 years ago

    To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
    Titus:2:5… submission is not something that women must do but must believe the scriptures we must live by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God when a woman is disobedient it’s pretty dire consequences she blasphemes the word of God

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  20. George
    7 years ago

    Pls I’m a pastor in my church, and I have two families that worship with my church in the same block where we stay. My wife believes that doing things as instructed by me is a let down and she is always ready to shout and make noise, knowing that I detest such. She sees my not responding to those shouts and doing the house chores myself so as to avoid noise making in the house as weakness. I’m fade up of such life, she insults me and would always say beget ice things about me to her family that will always support her. I so fade up of this. Not as if I can’t shout back or do anything, but just for the sake of biblical principles on marriage I swallow all these. But it is beginning to affect my spiritual life & physical life. I’m thinking separation so I can be peaceful. I need help.

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    • Paul
      7 years ago

      Start living by God’s word; by not submitting your wife is sinning. Call out her sin.

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    • Cheyanne
      6 years ago

      If your wife is like that you can seperate snd leave the home, you just can’t divorce her or get remarried.

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  21. Tiredlili
    7 years ago

    I have read most of the comments. I am a wife labelled “unsubmissive” by my husband of 30 years.
    Most of our marriage it was I, who brought income stability in the family. It was I who run around with the kids for different school events. He never changed a puppy diaper on any of our three children….he never ever called the family together for prayer unless it’s an emergency. Never studies the Bible for personal encouragement …but he calls himself “the head of the house” and expects honor from me. Submissiveness.
    I am tired of waiting on him to become what God called him to be. I am tired of doing life by myself. I am tired of being strong OR being unsubmissive.

    All wife’s are longing to have security, rest and someone to submit to while led gently into God’s presence. That’s what we need. You men to be REAL priests! Not theologian dictators! Bringing the presence of God in our homes. Then you will have a submissive wife and a real love partner not sex machines.

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    • Hurt4years
      7 years ago

      Good called him the head of the house. And God calls you to obey.

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    • Just sayin'
      7 years ago

      What they call a rebelios wife 🙂

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    • Paul
      7 years ago

      No, Christ Himself commands you to submit, even to men who are disobedient to Christ. Read 1 Peter 3.

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      • Serena
        7 years ago

        I don’t necessarily disagree with you Paul, but is your end game to be right or to save the soul of your wife? The Christ figure in the marriage (the husband) is a shadow of Christ himself. How did Jesus deal with women? The woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, the Syrophonecian woman? With the utmost respect and love every time.

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        • Paul
          7 years ago

          A husband cannot save the soul of his wife, only Christ can. And of course husbands are called to love their wives. There’s obligation for both parties in marriage. However, I find the Church is VERY quick to point out that men must be willing to die for their wives, and calling them failures for not loving their wives enough, while avoiding at all cost to instruct wives to submit to their husbands, and calling out the rebellion in women who refuse to do so as SIN.

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          • Serena
            7 years ago

            I do not find that to be true in my experience.

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          • hurting419years
            7 years ago

            Then you need to get out more. Even the women’s bible study’s avoid it like the plague in the evangelical churches that we have attended.

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          • Serena
            7 years ago

            My background is in the restoration movement. I heard a lot more teaching of “women submit.” I see a lot of men floundering to lead and not understanding how to lead a wounded woman.

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          • hurting419years
            7 years ago

            Being a wounded woman is an excuse to be rebellious

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          • Serena
            7 years ago

            How foolish and ignorant of the scriptures. When one understands the nature of spiritual warfare you will learn that being the hands and feet of Jesus means meeting those wounded in battle with compassion and mercy, especially your wife. I am seeing that many men who are responding to this post are quite prideful. Obedience to 1 Pet. 3:7 should be a good place to start.

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          • hurting419years
            7 years ago

            And what of the wounds that men sustain at the hands of their wives…. we are not “prideful” we are ashamed that our very wives reject us and hurt us at every opportunity. They think of us as nothing but walking wallets.

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          • Serena
            7 years ago

            Isn’t bearing that part of being the Christ-figure in the marriage per Eph 5?

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          • hurting419years
            7 years ago

            No it’s not. Bearing is one thing but allowing someone to walk in sin is unscriptual. As is not having sex.

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          • Serena
            7 years ago

            What woman wants to offer the most vulnerable part of herself to a mean-spirited man? As the leader and the head of the home you set the tone. Your comments are so abrasive.

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          • Levi
            6 years ago

            He isnt trying to be abrassive, the woman is the most fragile part yes, but men also have hearts. And secondly, how can you judge this man to be mean spirited? Do you know him? We should love our wives as Christ loved the church, yes, He died for the church, but his death had an objective, it was not for ‘nothing’. Sometimes we feel in marriage that our greatest efforts are resulting in nothing, the sacrifices as some mentioned above, an much else, because things just stay the same. No submission, not even compassion from the wife… How can such a wife say they know the word of God and act with such judgements, unforgiveness, literally just a lack of Grace in general… almost like the Pharisees whom Jesus called ‘brood of vipers’. The subtle abuses are still abusive, the marriage becomes in the literall sense abusive psychologically. The shock of separation may be a necessary moment for reflection and seeking of God.

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          • Jean
            6 years ago

            You’re right, maybe the shock of her moving out and into her mother’s home, might help him to understand the correct way a man gives up himself for his wife.
            You and other men harp about wives being submissive. That’s not the on,y important behavior in a marriage. Sorry to inform you, but we are to submit to one another.
            So no husband can rule with brute force or an iron fist.
            Wives are not, repeat, are not, equal to our children.

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          • Jean
            6 years ago

            Which women use the man’s wallets. I dont ask my man for a cent. I make as much as he does.
            I keep seeing comments all over the internet, from somesilly men saying someone wants his nickels.
            I thought women worked too and made their own money.

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          • Nameless
            6 years ago

            Proverbs 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

            1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

            Isaiah 4:1 And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach.

            Sure sounds like YOU are the one who is prideful and wrong Ma’am. And Isaiah 4:1 says that in the day of the coming of The Lord, 7 women will chase MEN OF THE LORD (It could just be 7, or also, the number seven is the “number of completion”, so it can also be more) begging to be under the authority & discipline, women seem to despise so much these days. Read it yourself.

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    • Jesus
      6 years ago

      Not knowing your situation, but having seen one wife in your situation, your comment may be exactly correct. In my experience the opposite of husbands who are responsible providers and have unruly wives is far more common. Unfortunately the Church today tells men to yield to whatever their wives desire, to be doormats. I was no doormat when my wife was unruly and we are very happy together after she realized I am not going to yield. You however may be in a different situation and I do pray it would change. Both sexes sin, yet the Churches here in Miami Florida seem to only speak of the husband as a sinner.

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  22. Charyn Whitaker
    7 years ago

    You women degrade us all. How sad to see all of you parading around like this is okay, acceptable, and not completely sexist, demeaning… There list just goes on… The bible says in Timothy, 2:11 “let the woman learn in silence with ALL subjection. But i suffer not a woman to teach nor usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence”…yada yada yada.. You, as a Christian woman, should take down this post, you sinner. You have NO RIGHT TO TEACH A MAN ANYTHING. Especially about how to treat you. He will pray to his god. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT as a believer and follower of the Christian faith to say ANYTHING to a man, actually. If you actually read your bible ladies, you’d be amazed to find that your precious God considers you gum on a mans shoe. You are property. First of your father, then of your husband. It’s sickening to think that you all believe this Crap..really? Men wrote that book. There could not have been a god that stood for peace and love And fairness, that also makes ALL women suffer for the sin of one woman? And make us submissive and silent? Did you know a woman that has just given birth is unclean to God and if she had a son, she will be in isolation for a week but if she had a girl her punishmentit’s doubled. You ladies have no idea what you are talking about and as good Christian women, should just shut up anyway. Please don’t pass this disgusting tradition down to any young woman or girls. They are strong and beautiful and worthy of as much respect and adoration as any man. We give life.. We are mothers. They will be too one day, and don’t you want them to know the strength within themselves? not that they are weak and can do nothing without God? I could go on and on about verses that would make you vomit. From god commanding Moses to burn 32000 innocent virgins as an offering, or that he commanded uncles to sleep with their nieces and so forth bc he thinks money is so important that it should be kept In the mans family… Sick. You are all sick. I DARE YOU TO ACTUALLY READ YOUR BIBLE. THEN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT

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    • Serena
      7 years ago

      Why the hostility? If there are women who have chosen a different path than you have why is that weakness?
      Perhaps the truth is that it actually takes more strength to for the disciple of Christ to mold their will. That is in fact the whole goal of being a disciple of the Master teacher. As a Christian I believe that fullness of life comes from Jesus not within myself. I believe that He is the one who exalts me. And I like it that way.

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    • Serena
      7 years ago

      I have been mulling this over today. And I have 2 thoughts.
      1. 1 Peter 3:7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

      The bible does not teach inequality at all.

      The truth is that women transformed the ministry of Jesus. Of all the ways God chose to enter the earth… he chose a woman. He could have come in pomp and praise, but he chose a woman. Jesus’ ministry was financed by women. He had prominent female disciples, used women on numerous occasions to teach, but not only did he enter the world first witnessed by a woman, his resurrection was first witnessed and announced by a woman.

      2. Your speech is actually more abusive than any man in my life.

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      • Brian
        6 years ago

        Serena, I disagree with your thoughts on equality. The verse says “equal partner in God’s gift of new life”, but just before that it says she is “weaker than you.” Paul tells us to treat women as the weaker vessel. Receiving the same gift is not the same as being equal.
        Women were created as a help-mate for men. A complement. Man was created with a need for a help-mate and God created women to fill that gap. Not to be equal with us.

        While many of the men on here are lost in an unloving spirit, it’s mostly because they are so frustrated by how far the churches have fallen from the Word. Where do we seek counsel anymore that preaches Biblical truth?

        I agree that women are not being taught their proper roles as wives. This should start as a girl in the home though. It is much more difficult to learn after broken hearts and struggling marriages. It cannot be taught by a controlling, dictator husband if a woman already believes this. In my experience, this just pushes a rebellious wife deeper into rebellion. She’s hurt and doesn’t trust God or man, and she doesn’t trust her husband to help her so she goes into survival mode. Demanding that anyone in this situation should submit is not going to work. She doesn’t trust God either, so expecting her to submit to God’s plan for her role in marriage is not going to work either.

        If we love her, want to stay married, and want to help her, we must understand what is wrong first. We must listen. We must serve her and comfort her to regain trust. We’re willing to do this with rescue animals, why not our wives? Until she heals from the hurt, she will not be able to submit to God or you. If a man is unwilling to do this, then he does not love his wife and might as well leave her. This is not submission, this is loving her enough to help her heal. Our prayers should be that we are willing to do this for our wives, and that women will learn to submit to us when we show a willingness to help them in their struggles.

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    • God chosen one
      7 years ago

      May God be with you. How can a post make you this mad God is love. Woman hold more power than you think. Go back and read your word. I can’t think of the woman name in the bible who God made ruler of Israel and she reign for 45 years. It is God who gives woman power God uses whomever he please to carry out his gospel. A lot of men are falling out the race and compromising with sin be careful what you say.

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  23. Joseph
    7 years ago

    Christ command and also what you will be asked before you marry was, Wife submit to your husband and Husband love your wife.
    I have not seen a submissive wife that is not loved and honored by her husband, but I have seen a I have seen a loving husband who’s wife is not submissive to.

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    • Hurt4years
      7 years ago

      I have seen it and I’m living it. After 18 years I’m now asserting myself. And the church sides with disobedient women over faithful men.

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      • Serena
        7 years ago

        I have seen similar comments through this discussion. I’m left wondering what kind of church you attend. And I also wonder if as many men who way their wives are “disobedient” have tried truly loving her as an equal not a child to be chastised. Your wife indeed is your fellow heir. Her sins are not for you to discipline they are yours to bear as her Christ figure.

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        • hurting418years
          7 years ago

          I do not discipline my wife for her sins never have never will. However after over 18 years of not getting my needs meet. I am tired of trying to live up to her standards of being a loving husband. I can never meet her standards and she refuses to give affection until I do. I am tired and I am hurt and I’m broken. And I am sad to say I am not the only man in my local church nor the church abroad that is in the same situation our culture has destroyed women and marriage

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    • Kevin
      1 year ago

      Amen. 1 Timothy 3 does not require men to do anything for the wife to submit. Psychology has poisoned the truth.

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      • Serena
        1 year ago

        This is quite short sighted. You must consider the character of Christ in his entirety. Such foolishness can’t be said of Christ. While nothing was required,he gave all. That is the call of a Biblical husband.

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  24. Alois Van Rom
    7 years ago

    Nice write up……but not balanced. I am a Christian man, I love my wife, i partner with her, I understand her, i don’t spank her, I do honor her and has been always faithful to her. You are making an assumption that the way to deal with a woman who is not submissive is for the man to deal with himself until the woman starts giving the same behavioral response. This kind of teaching has made a lot of genuine-loving men fall prey of cunning, Christian-painted women who misquote the scriptures, take pride in what those on pulpit say about gender issues in general, taking examples of what happens in other families (of the world). If you address Christian issues to Christians, deal with it the way it should be. Man is called to love the woman….woman is called to respect the man.

    Man is called to love….woman is called to respect the man.

    Man is called to love….woman is called to respect the man.

    Now, the topic is submission, and it clearly falls under respect, which a woman is called to offer as her main duty. Your ideas are cool for peace, but remember, we are saying, “dealing with a woman who is not submissive, meaning , we are already agreeing that the problem is with that specific woman. Done.

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    • Alois Van Rom
      7 years ago

      Your write seems to suggest that ,”She is acting like this, because of what you have done. So, change your ways, so that the woman also changes as she follows suit”. All evil does not perpetuate from your partner dear. That’s why we have things called demons, bad influence, etc. I wish you would speak of
      1) prayer
      2) marital counselling from real Christians etc

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    • God chosen one
      7 years ago

      The word says everyone is to love. Love covers the multitude of sin. Men and woman both suppose to submit one to another. Read about Abraham he was a man after God’ s on heart (Christ like) I believe bc he was a true man of God he treated his wife Sarah as Christ would treat her in my opinion I believe that is why she called him lord and was submissive to him. She not only respected him she respected the God in him. That is why the word says submit one to another. They both go hand in hand for a marriage to work. The man got to obey God and lead his house but not with an iron hand the wife also have to be submissive to the God that is in him but just bc she makes suggestions doesn’t mean she is not respecting a man we as woman also is the Help mate.

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  25. BeerCoozy
    7 years ago

    You people are wackos. I grew up Southern Baptist in a Hell, Fire & Brimstone church that screams the submission of women. As a result, all of my 3 of my sisters are atheists. Strangely enough, they’ve never been divorced and have loving and equitable marriages that have lasted where our church brethren haven’t been as successful. If you have a submissive personality, you’ll be drawn to a dominant personality (man or woman) and succeed as long as you’re not abusive. If you’re a equitable person, you’ll succeed with a similar person. Trying to force your will or demand you be obeyed is abuse.
    I you can’t find what you want in a western woman, go buy a woman from a 3rd world country who’ll be at your beck and call until she realizes she prefers freedom over servitude. Women are thinking, feeling and intelligent people with their own goals and dreams. Most prefer a partner over a lord and master. It took me a long time to figure that out and a long years to be “unbrainwashed” from the church (for lack of a better term).

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    • Robert Rodriguez
      7 years ago

      You, my dear BeerCoozy, are perhaps the only (other) sane man on this site. Well said!

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  26. GingerMom
    7 years ago

    hi there

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  27. I-James
    7 years ago

    Wives…submit to your husbands! Clear instruction. Children, obey your parents. We submit to higher authorities. And authorities are empowered to discipline.

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  28. I-James
    7 years ago

    Let the higher authority in the home discipline as necessary according to scriptural principles.

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  29. Robert Rodriguez
    7 years ago

    Wow. Likening women to children (just obey)… Seriously? Hard to believe any women actually subscribe to this misogynist worldview (but not surprising that some men do). By the way, the Bible is a book, written by men, not women, so of course the plot goes something like “Women, submit! And God shall be happy.” Women are wonderful, powerful and intelligent. Their job is not to submit to anyone.

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    • Emu
      6 years ago

      How could you say a thing like this? Are you sure you are a Christian in the first instance? Is it men that wrote books like Esther and Ruth in the bible? Pls wake up

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  30. Mary
    7 years ago

    The scriptures say to submit one to another. Both are to submit. A wife nor a husband need submit if there is abuse involved! Marriage should be based on love not “you do what I tell you to do.” I read these comments and some are evil and these people should NEVER get married. Christ calls us to love so you husbands that are commenting about how the wives will be punished for not submitting don’t have a true relationship with Christ. You know God loves women just as much as He loves men so get off your high horses.

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  31. Myself
    7 years ago

    The simple Scriptural fact is that Christian wives need to submit to their husbands….. You do not get a pass on obeying God’s Word because your husband is not perfect or because you have been hurt in the past or because you have insecurities….
    It is not your husband’s responsibility to coax you, bribe you or beg you to submit….. It is your responsibility to obey God by submitting to and respecting your husband….
    If there is a power struggle in a marriage or a “competition”, it is 100% the wife’s fault, because God has already defined the roles and the authority in the husband/wife relationship…. if you struggle against that then you are struggling against God and rejecting Him.
    We husbands are well aware that you all suffer from the curse of “desiring your husband” (i.e. wanting to consume him and take up the mantle of his authority) as God pronounced in the Garden of Eden….. but by indulging this sinful desire and refusing to confess it and surrender it you destroy your own lives, your own marriages and the minds and heart of your children…… while breaking the hearts of the honorable and faithful men who love you.
    Stop it…. repent and submit to your husbands. There is no excuse for this destructive rebellion against God and your husbands and nothing but evil comes from it.

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    • Mike
      7 years ago

      Very good and truthful response. I would add that until a woman is filled with the Holy Spirit, it is highly unlikely that she will submit to her husband. It is the Holy Spirit that opens our eyes to our sins.

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    • elainebradley
      6 years ago

      The Bible clearly states that wives must submit to their husband. I was taught that when I was a 13-year-old girl. I got married when I was 18, and I’m a 29-year-old woman now. For 11 years and counting, we both believe that the husband shall assess whether the wife has been disobedient. If she is so assessed, it is the husband’s duty to discipline his wife. This can be done in private. He may ask that she remove all clothing and submit herself to daily punishment as discipline. This may include bondage, such as restraining her wrists. Infliction of pain may be severe so long as the extent of said pain is reasonable. For example, whipping a wife with a leather belt may be reasonable as discipline, even if each lash is severe, so long as the number of lashes does not exceed 100 and they are administered within a period of 10 minutes or less.

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  32. Gods chosen one
    7 years ago

    I guess the men on here forgot that the word also says you shouldn’t rule your wife with an iron hand either. Viewing some of these comments make it seems like some of you men are abusive or will become abusive. You will never stay married if your mindset stays like this. God is a forgiving God. Not being submissive is grounds for leaving your wife. Go back and do some more studying of the word. God is not hate either he is love. If you leave your wife for anything else other than adultery you is in sin. God honors marriages so before you men post anything else about wife’s going to HEll. PLEASE READ YOUR WORD IT IS 17 WORKS OF THE FLESH THAT CAN CAUSE YOU TO ENTER INTO HELL. GOD TAKE YOUR BREATH RIGHT NOW WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU WILL BE HEAVEN OR HELL. According to some of you men post it seems like you are holding unforgiveness towards your wives. The word says forgive as your heavenly Father forgives you.

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  33. God chosen one
    7 years ago

    God is talking to both woman and men about being submissive one to another. I think A lot of these men got being submissive totally wrong. Pointing the finger at what a women suppose to do research yourself and see if you are doing everything you suppose to do as a husband in Christ. At the end of the day the word says love covers the multitude of sin. Regardless of what you suppose to love in spite of not condemning one another. So what if you feel like your wife is not submissive pray and put her in the hands of God. What if Jesus gave up on us and didn’t complete his mission where will we be.

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  34. Levi
    7 years ago

    God chosen one
    God does not forgive anyone currently living in sin. You cannot be a Christian and be living in sin. The righteous cannot stand next to evil. You are either of your father Christ or your father the devil. Forgiveness is for Christians, and if a woman profess to be a Christian and blatantly ignore scripture because she doesn’t agree with it, then I cannot say she is a Christian. A Christian loves righteousness and hates evil. These men are not talking about women who are Christians who sin because they are imperfect. These men are talking about women who blatantly ignore and disrespect the word because it doesn’t align with their agenda. God is love and a loving God is willing to punish people to eternity in hell, out of love.

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    • God chosen one
      7 years ago

      Levi six words for you.
      God is married to the backslider (sinner).

      17 WORKS OF THE Flesh read them. It’s a lot of other ways to end up in hell please read them.

      Read and study God commandments. The only way out of a marriage is adultery. You can’t just leave your wife bc you feel she is not being submissive. These men need to soul search themselves before they end up in hell.

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  35. Laurence
    7 years ago

    I have been married for seven years. Went with my wife to seven counselors, it’s always my fault. I am in process of divorce as well.
    I loved her , but every time she leaves. I bring her back and she gets more prideful.. anywY

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    • JR
      6 years ago

      That is the message of most modern preachers and counselors: it is always the fault of men. There is an entire book written about marriage: Song of Solomon. In that book the advice is given that when a wife is not submissive, including to the sexual desires of her husband late at night, he is to leave her. Song 5 2-9 We are not called to physically beat our wives as in the Koran, but the “silent treatment” and separation is a legitimate response as in Proverbs: “better to live on the roof than with an contentious wife.” BOTH sexes sin, and I am sick and tired of wives and mothers being held up as perfect. More children are abused and even killed by their own mothers and female relatives than by men, far more.

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      • GJ
        6 years ago

        JR has punched a whole of truth through this garbage article.

        I am so sick of all these religious orders trying to appease the woman in the church and being seen as “with the times”. Last I read, those who change the word of God to something more akin to the word of man (culture) than that is the work of the Devil.

        The most powerful word in the bible, and one Jesus used a lot was “AUTHORITY”. And it flows 1 way. Stop trying to make it mean things which is does not; stop putting in a modern “view” to make it appear more palatable – all so you can win favor with the public, put more butts in your seats and get more cash.

        Marriage is a sacred covenant granted by God.
        Authority is the underpinning for all!

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  36. John
    7 years ago

    Hello Serena

    This post is very fascinating and has caused quite a lot of interesting debate.

    If I may offer my understanding also. I am currently married and my wife is having difficulty to submit also. The Lord has allowed me some understanding to this issue:

    * Her Personal Walk With Christ
    – This is where is begins. If she is not growing Spiritually, loving and devoted to the Lord, nothing will cause her to produce the fruit of the Spirit.
    – Her Spiritual growth is dependent on 1. Her personal walk and 2. The Husband also growing and leading as Christ graces him to.
    – Her personal walk is aided but not dependant of her husband’s leading. It’s personal.

    * Upbringing
    – Now regardless of her upbringing, if she’s personally walking with the Lord, this will, eventually, not be a factor.
    – However, without personal growth, this will definitely be an issue. “Train up a child in the way they should go…” This spiritual principle works both ways, in the good training and bad.

    * Love. Lead. Serve. Teach. Pray.
    – Much of her submission is affected by us the men in how we love, lead, serve, teach and pray.
    – If we are not personally growing, we will also not complain when our wives are not growing. Remember the Lord’s teaching about the plank in our eye? So it is, we must be growing and leading by example, meaning, we should do our part and love her, provide for her and cover her sins. We shouldn’t be mouthing it off to all of our friends, trust me, God is so dealing with me, but I know it’s because He loves me.

    Serve: Ultimately, according to Scripture, the wife is responsible for the home & children. Read Titus 2. However, we must remember that she also gets tired like we do, and if we truly love, we should serve her. Some days, even when tired (The Lord has helped do this many times), take over watching the kids and playing with them. Give her a massage. Trust me brothers, if you are genuine, the Lord gives strength.

    Teach: Now remember my initial points on personal growth and her upbringing? Being led by the Spirit, you MUST teach her the truth of her behaviour. Sometimes, it might truly be because she can’t actually see it. Sometimes, it is rebellion. Whatever the case, teach her through scripture and in love. When I say is love, I don’t mean be watered down in your choice of words. Use scripture point blank and tell her directly but with the warmth of the Spirit of God.
    – Remember the Lord said to the woman at the well (John 4), you have 5 husbands and the one you are with, is not yours. In other words, the Lord said it point blank, not beating around the bush. And the Lord had such love within Him, those words, though piercing, were received with conviction and warmth.
    – Now just to mention, sometimes, even as we are warm, because of her rebellious heart, she mightn’t listen or give heed, as many of the multitude who followed Christ did.
    – However, we continue in the same, as the Lord is also patient with us.

    Finally Prayer. We are not to always talk her to change, otherwise, we are now nagging and trying to do the Holy Spirit’s work. Our job is to teach her truly and then pray because “some water and others plant, but it is the Lord that brings increase.” It is Christ who will change her heart.

    As mentioned earlier, the Lord is also teaching me, and I too learnt from your comments.

    I am so grateful for this post. It has a lot of truth for the men, but as ‘Alois Van Rom’ said, it is not as balanced as it should be, hence the down pour of hurt men coming down on you Serena.

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  37. Patrick
    7 years ago

    Please keep the discussion going..

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  38. Joe
    7 years ago

    If I came home from a war I take off my armor,suit,boots,put off the guns,weaponry,etc. I’m in a safe zone,no more fight,my family home is not a war zone.
    The same with women. I don’t care what she’s been through if she doesn’t have any problems in the house of her husband she must not even think of being rebellious or the consequences can be harmful.

    That’s it.

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    • Serena
      7 years ago

      “I don’t care what she’s been through.” That spirit is absolutely contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

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      • Joe
        7 years ago

        I would like to see your explanation. But let me do it. Before she met me she had been living a life only known to her. She will never let me know how she used to live or how she used to behave. Top secret! She has the right not to tell me or talk about her past. It belongs to her. Her memories. And I do not insist on that, which means I do not care.
        She starts to live with me, she must treat me right, she must be polite, kind, I mean I want that feedback in the best way without problems. Why! Because I am really a good person what my family and neighbours can justify. I do not make any problems, I am calm and smiling and love-giving person. Thanks!

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  39. Peter
    7 years ago

    That’s it? Where’s the rest of this post?

    What does a husband do when He is still spurned? Surely relational and church discipline is the next phase?

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  40. Kathy Cooper-Boyle
    7 years ago

    I do what I’m taught about suffering a wrong, about how to show His love through compassion when compassion is difficult, through patience when I am running out of patience because my Master is always patient with me in all ways, through understanding that some human beings are scarred emotionally and their needs come before my needs because my Lord put my needs before His needs, through understanding that sometimes I made less than great choices that were life altering and that I must live with and count on Him to get me through…He suffered for my wrongs, He took the beatings that I deserved, He was cruelly mocked and ridiculed when it was I that deserved such treatment….the life of a spouse that professes Christianity is a life of servitude for the betterment of others, and the pleasing aroma of a life lived for God. There’s a ‘golden rule’ and vile treatment in any form from anyone is an opportunity for the love of Christ to be shown, so take the ‘discipline’ your spouse deserves upon yourself and pray for her/him, in other words be like the Lord you profess to follow that took the discipline that you deserved and still deserve.

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  41. Paul
    6 years ago

    “The scriptures say to submit one to another.”

    No it does not. Should parents submit to their children? Should masters submit to their slaves? Should Christ submit to the Church? Read Eph chapters 5 AND 6 to see full context.

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    • Kathy Cooper-Boyle
      6 years ago

      “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5….the “all of you” is those to whom this missive was written, the being “subject to one another” is the Old English use of the word ‘subject – as in a King and his ‘subjects’ being those that submit to his will/edicts….so tis understood what the apostle is teaching is for all saints to submit to one another. Children are not under consideration, and there are many verses that deal with the master/slave relationship which in Christ the focus would be for each to submit to the other for the purpose of Christ being seen through you and your actions. Submission is a good thing and a basic understanding and ingredient of servitude.

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  42. daudi
    6 years ago

    This is more serious than I had thought, I married a catholic ,little did I know that catholics believe in church traditions more than the bible and Jesus Christ, today my wife can’t Cook, or do her duties, she sleeps with me when she wants, goes to church occasionally, complains over everything and blames everybody except herself. I have tried everything but nothing seems to work.I believe in marriage but it takes sacrifice to have a happy marriage yes I have the effort to keep my marriage but my partner shows none. How many years are we supposed to pray for non believing spouses? I am giving up soon.

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    • Kathy Cooper-Boyle
      6 years ago

      How many years of your life do you wish the Lord to be patient with you? I married a man that was raised a Roman Catholic, and since he was born and raised in Scotland he was raised in the ‘old traditions’ of Catholicism…you knew you were marrying a worldly woman just as I knew I was marrying a worldly man, and most of us don’t always get what we expected so that’s kind of normal, eh?! Marriage is much more than we ever think it’s going to be. It took 8 years to get my spouse to attend a gathering of the saints with me, it took 11 years to convert him it took a lot of love, prayer and determination but most of all it took faith in the Lord to direct my path and affect his heart. He hated religion, was a firebrand when it came to any religious discussion – in other words it wasn’t an easy road but then I knew when I married him it wasn’t going to be however the Lord and love prevailed upon the human heart as it often does. So gird yourself up, deal with the reality of your choice and use it to better serve the Lord. He will take care of you. Quit trying to ‘fix it’ and lay your burdens upon Him and trust Him and His saving grace.

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      • Kelechi
        6 years ago

        I appreciate this

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  43. Eddy
    6 years ago

    To all women who read this article, read all men’s comments and you will understand what we as men want and which is confirmed by the Bible ( submissiveness), we been fighting a lot because you fighting the wrong battles, not one comment from any woman is the same but we Men speak of the same things, as Darrel said go back to basics and you will realize that you making things worst as we approach the ends of time, We (Men) love you.

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  44. Eddy
    6 years ago

    To all women who read this article, read all men’s comments and you will understand what we as men want and which is confirmed by the Bible ( submissiveness), we been fighting a lot because you fighting the wrong battles, not one comment from any woman is the same but we Men speak of the same things, as Darrel said go back to basics and you will realize that you making things worst as we approach the ends of time, We (Men) love you.

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    • Darrell
      1 year ago

      God bless you Eddy

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  45. Hopeless
    6 years ago

    This is the single most destructive issue to our marriage. I am unable to make decisions on even the smallest things. If I do not surrender to her will then I am immediately accused of treating her like garbage and not loving her. Things only get worse from there.
    I am losing hope that whatever remnants of our relationship that are left can be saved. I feel so fatigued from htying to lead our home only to be opposed at nearly every turn if we do not agree on an issue, any issue.
    The world has had a horribly destructive influence on how many Christian women view their role in a marriage. I have no interest in being a dictator, I would just like to be the only man in our home.

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  46. Fern
    6 years ago

    No woman or man should ever expect more from their partner than they’re willing to put into the relationship

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  47. Jim
    6 years ago

    I make all the money in our household, and do at least 50% of the housework. I don’t ask for a lot. But what I do ask for is my wife to every once in a while just accept me and stop the constant doubt and second-guessing when I attempt to lead. I am an intelligent man but my wife sincerely believes I am stupid and incompetent. She wonders why I don’t open up to her but when I do she just tells me why I am misguided or wrong.

    I abhor divorce and do not want to go down that path. But if my wife continues to put her selfish pride ahead of God’s Will, and treating me with great disrespect in the process, I don’t know what else to do. And yes, I have brought up marital counseling but she refuses.

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  48. John
    6 years ago

    Ladies and gentlemen,
    I have read alot of the posts from men and women alike and am in the same boat with alot of the men commenting about thier wives needing most all the control in the relationship. I have also spoken in depth with my preacher and counselor about this issue.
    They have told me that this all started in the 60s and 70s with the womens rights movements. They want the right to vote and to be equal. Well thats the problem as i also own a pretty successful business you cant have more than one leader if so you will always disagree and always be headed in more than one direction. I personally believe it is the end of times as the sign that women these days want it all ,they want a protector and a provider and to be cherished, but they don’t want the man to tell them anything to do because they can make it own thier own. But i have seen it time amd time again, they cant do it on thier own and always want a man to come bail them out.
    This is the worst of times in my opion with this whole situation because it is almost impossible to have a successful relationship with the woman of today because they are taught to be strong and stand up for what you believe and you are equal if not better than men. This is exactly the opposite of what the bible teaches. This is why the divorce rate is well over 50 or 60 percent and will continue to rise if women do not find their place back in the world.
    I do not believe for a woman to be mistreated in any form or fashion. But women of today have just plain gone against the word of GOD and want thier cake and eat it too. I love women but as far as a true God fearing non worldly women, thier are not many out there any more and it is so sad. I am on my second marriage and do not believe in divorce but it seems like the nicer the christian guy is and the more caring and giving he is today the more that women see this amd just take advantage of these type men until they turn into bitter women haters.
    I am sorry to be so negative but this is just the way i see society going, especially with the influence of hollywood and social media. Show me a happy marriage in todays society and ill say . Now ask them what really goes on behind closed doors.
    We are in the end times and i makes me sad to see all the beautiful women that could possibly be going to hell.

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  49. Husband who lost his wife the moment of marriage
    5 years ago

    I have respected my wife but received nothing back.
    While I went to therapy to correct my personal flaws she allowed herself the be dragged down by depression and did nothing what I asked of her.

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  50. Michael
    5 years ago

    I’m tired of these sites that keep seeing, “be the man she wants to submit to”, “make her feel like following you.”

    The bible is clear, it shows us how to love and respect our wives, but it never says, “only submit to your husband if he is worthy of it”. It is a commandment, along with many other commandments. NONE of them say, “your allowed not to do this commandant if you don’t feel like it because anyone else is out of line.” Know your place wives, know your place husbands. Know what you are commanded to do EVEN IF YOUR SPOUSE ISN’T DOING THERE ROLE. There is no excuse or reason for it. “Submit to your husband.” Submit to your husband! There is no excuse or reason, if you are not submitting, you are sinning! Stop making excuses for wives to sin!

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  51. Roger
    5 years ago

    A wife who refuses to honor and obey her husband must consider that she, very likely, does not honor nor obey her Savior. To fail or refuse to do that may be a symptom of an unregenerate heart. To refuse to obey the Savior has a terrible cost. If you cannot or you refuse to honor a husband, it would have been better you never married. I pity the modern christian man married to a “christian feminist”. A contradiction on a fundamental level. GOD help us.

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    • Just tired
      5 years ago

      So what do you recommend to us stuck in that kind of scenario?? Problem is I made a career change and she got a big promotion (with my guidance, advice, maneuvering, teaching and motivation for months). Now she is making substantially more and her rebelliousness is growing. I’ve already been dealing with it since we’ve been married for two years. Whenever it’s a crisis she gladly takes the backseat (and get us out despite sometimes her not working with me) but then once I maneuver is out of that she can wants to be “equal partners,” as in if she agrees to something then it’s ok.

      She also makes denigrating jokes in public. I try to not remember and hold onto each of these times as I can let most things go.

      Last two were at the car dealership for a new car she said something like, “oh good it has an app to control the speed/acceleration, can’t trust you with that.” Said it twice separately as well. She was the only one who laughed both times but she said she just thought she was being funny. We’ve gone over pretty much this exact thing at least 100-200 times and how I think it’s disrespectful and I don’t like it and to stop saying things like that.

      The other time we were at dinner with another couple and she had too much to drink (also can’t control that) was complaining to her friend about her engagement ring and how the setting was off center and looked ugly. Mind you this is because I had to pay 500 dollars to replace a missing stone and a messed up setting because she doesn’t treat the ring that well. She went on and on about this for nearly 15 minutes about how it looked ugly now and it would have been easy to replace had I “gotten ring insurance which she keeps having to remind me about.” It was awkward for everyone and I eventually just said here let me see your ring and put it on my finger and said well looks better on me guess I’ll just keep it as a pinky ring then. As we are walking home I tell her it does not make me feel good when she badmouths her engagement ring and she blows right past that. It ends up being a huge fight and she screams every single hurtful thing she could think of, including that she thought I was fat (I had gotten annoyed with myself that one of my favorite dress shirts didn’t fit and I was feeling not great about gaining 40 pounds and wanted to work it off) and that “she never wanted to have kids with me because I’m a pathetic piece of shit.”

      The next morning she was absolutely shitty to me so I grabbed pillow and a sheet and went into the other room to sleep. We wouldn’t talk to each other the next day but I attempted to two/three days later and she apologized for anything she said but that she doesn’t remember because she was drunk. She also conveniently remembered the mean things I said back to her (after being berated and chased room to room by her for 20 fucking minutes as I told her to stop talking and leave me alone).

      I’m at a loss of what to do. I have been praying for Christ to soften my heart but I’m struggling because I don’t want to. I want to separate. She doesn’t respect me and apparently is too insecure or doesn’t respect me enough to take any sort of feedback.

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      • Serena
        5 years ago

        May I suggest a book, Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend? Loving someone, even as Christ loves, does not require self harm.

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  52. Wife110803
    4 years ago

    I am a woman and my husband has taught me my place. I only speak when spoken to. I do not start eating until he has. I never do anything without his permission. And I do as he says immediately without question. I am not religious but I do believe this is the place of all women. And even though many think this is abuse and sexism I think it is the right way and I am happy and love being put in my place. Kneeling on the floor beside my husband.

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    • Serena
      4 years ago

      Obviously I am a religious person. I believe in the creation of God as the book of Genesis describes it. I believe God’s design was for woman to be an equal. The New Testament calls us “joint heirs.”
      God’s intention is for a partnership of equal, but different strengths.

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  53. Your Brother
    4 years ago

    Appreciate all the responses from those men who are suffering abuse. If you’re still reading this page please join the group:

    https://mewe.com/join/abusedchristianhusbands

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  54. Nonny
    3 years ago

    I often say, do not judge anyone until you’ve shown them love. As the greatest tool it is, love cannot be overemphasized – it’s either love or not. If the Bible says love conquers all things, including unsubmissiveness, then it’s true. Patience, a sublimate of love, is also a great tool. Why? If God hasn’t been patient with us, Jesus Christ had no reason to die, and we would all be heading for eternal damnation.

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  55. David
    3 years ago

    Wow, glad I read the posts. I was feeling like I was the only one with the issue of lack of submission. Sorry to hear it is such a prevalent problem but also glad I am not alone. A house divided can not stand. I have kept the relationship going for 32 years but it is not healthy. Now that I am older I really want to enjoy the benefits of a Godlly relationship. I am tired and worn out by the fight. Yet I am not a quitter and I press onward. I am really struggling to find a solution. I am praying and have tried in my own strength and still not succeeded. I tried the love her through it approach. I loved her because God loved me and commanded me to do so. I forgave her for the same reasons. I have actually gone so far as to submit to her. She calls me controlling so I have given her all control. I submitted everything to God. I would give her everything and just allow God to take care of me. He would meet my needs. Of course I did not do it perfectly but I have wrestled with letting go of everything for years. I can attest to this approach and as a failure. In my relationship, I think it just feed the beast. She has never submitted but in fact now seems to regard me as weak. she is even more convinced of her superiority. I believed we were to submit to each other equally and I abdicated my authority little by little until she took it all. I believed I was to be patient and loving and supportive and to love her through her issues and insecurities. I believed if I was a better husband that would free her to be a better wife. So I willingly gave her all I had for 32 years. I go to work everyday and she spends the money. Never a thank you. I created a beast and now I cannot uncreate it. I try but every move is met with such an aggressive fight that I just can’t take it and I back down. Only way for me to get control of my life again is to wait for the Holy Spirit to work in her or to leave and do it on my own. I want the spirit to do it for me but so far no such luck. She is the girl of my youth and the mother of my children. I have tried to let her be the wife of my dreams. Mine has become a nightmare. I feel I have created it by allowing her ti dominate me. I thought I was being a bigger man by allowing her to do it. I just bought the whole feminist crap hook line and sinker. So sorry to have not handled it sooner but just didn’t know any better. I was young and dumb. Now I am old and not much brighter but I have learned a few things. If we do things Gods way then He is obligated to look after us and provide. We do them our way or the worlds way then we do not benefit from the system He set in place. A house divided can not stand. There can only be one head of the house. God is supreme leader and calls all the shots and man is second only to Him. Man is not superior to woman. He is just given authority over her. Clearly men are better at somethings than women and women outperform men in other areas. One is not better than the other. They are just meant to perform different tasks. Is a greyhound a better dog than a pit bull? I guess it depends and what you are doing with it right? If we all play our roll as God intended we will be operating in our strength and will perform on a high level. With that being said, it is man’s responsibility to lead his household while recognizing the good thing that he has been given. A wise man takes care of his things. He does not leave his tools out in the yard to rust. He takes them inside and protects them. He oils them and provides what they need to do their job. As a result both he and his tools are effective. He is to protect and guide his wife to the best of his ability. If she is secure and taken care of, then she will have what she needs to be the amazing helper she was created to be. She will have the desire of her heart and so will he. I wish my wife would see this is my heart for her. I am tired of the fight and wish that God would help me out a little in this arena. I believe my efforts will be rewarded in heaven but I want to see the Goodness of God in the land of the living. I want to enjoy life and not just keep sacrificing and waiting until I die. Appreciate your prayers.

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  56. Donna
    3 years ago

    I hope to leave a comment to the original article. Guys who struggle with the strong willed wives, I encourage you to read Wild at Heart or any other book that discusses the passivity of Adam. Some women indeed have a Jezebel spirit, but by and large, women are attracted to leaders. See Jimmy Evans Four Basic Needs of a Woman. I am a therapist. I may see a great guy who is needing direction in his marriage. For 30 years, I continue to be disappointed when a homework assignment entails bringing up an issue THAT I KNOW AS A WOMAN would be spot on and potentially healing in discussion…..and the man says, No I did not bring it up as we were having a good week and I did not want to rock the boat.

    Aghh. For God did NOT give you that spirit of fear/passivity, but a spirit of power, love, and sound mind. Sometimes women remain in their lane and PRAY that their husband’s will take a proper role of leadership. That does not mean “growing a pair” as was suggested as in blasting their wife. But seeking God to point out to them when they cower in fear, memorizing that verse about fear, meditating on it until Powrr, love and sound mind becomes TRUTH in their lives. it may mean asking your wife to go with you to have conversation before a Godly third party to hold all accountable, to repent of blaming her for taking the lead when you may not have taken the lead….
    Asking God to reveal where you have responded or speak as a victim and asking Him to help you take your place as more than a conqueror. Roar!!!

    Again, some women have Jezebel spirits, and some need to be gently shown that a leader listens, considers, but ultimahas to make the final call as they are the ONE that will be held accountable.

    Best wishes

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  57. Undisclosed
    3 years ago

    What if the man is super super caring and gentle and loving. Pays the bills. Is kind. Patient. Affectionate. Loves to connect on a deeper level. I love to hear her heart. ….

    Just she does not respect. I set godly order in the home. She undoes it. Every rule. And word spoken, is completely undone.

    Has destroyed my relationship with any godly friends I bring to the house.

    Will not kiss. Will not hug. Will not have intimacy. Hates romance. Won’t go for walk in park. Won’t go to beach. Won’t worship together. Wont pray together. Won’t serve the Lord together. Just reads Bible alone all the time.

    I teach the Word. I met her teaching the Word. We used to always have Biblical discussion.

    For 2 years if she asks me a question, she is immediately furious on my answer.

    Owns a company. Will not support financially in the house, if my work is slow.

    Ive tried to farm, she came home one day, “felt led” to calmly destroy every vegetable.

    I have attempted to form my own businesses, and she refused to financially help. And daily, worked against them. Sabatoged in any way possible.

    To me this sounds like a deliverance issue.

    She received deliverance, and another woman called it out, that she had more in her.

    My wife no longer came to the group once that happened. She cant see she is destroying her own life. And our ability to have a healthy normal life together.

    I am just illustrating.

    I never ever believed in divorce.

    I just dont know how many years i can go without intimacy. I am in my 30s.

    And how I could divorce, and then not get remarried. I desire a normal fulfilling loving marriage. And I need very regular intimacy.

    We have no kids.

    Her mouth says she is with me. And for me. But something in her, makes her work against me.

    Im human man.

    I feel like my life was stolen from me, from the enemy.

    Like i was deceived.

    She is a believer.

    Just not showing the true fruit, of love, or submission.

    I would not bear, to divorce, and never remarry.

    Thoughts?

    I feel like i was offered a picture, then when I brought the painting home, the image immediately changed. And was not what it was made out to be.

    Help?

    Biblical guidance?

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  58. Tony
    3 years ago

    Just another blog post about how all women are victims and it is men’s responsibility to be more than perfect simps in order for their wife’s to possibly submit.

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  59. Chris
    3 years ago

    Can’t help but chuckle at this post. Did anyone not notice that the writer claims biblical submission, but then proceeds to give the men all the homework assignments? 😂

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  60. Lynn Lanigan
    3 years ago

    It’s mutual submission by both husband and wife, Ephesians 5:21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives are to align themselves under their husbands to illustrate the response of the church of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24, 32-33). Husbands are to align themselves under their wives by loving them selflessly for their sanctification, illustrating Jesus’ love for His church (Ephesians 5:25-332). When both husband and wife are treating the other as worthy of more honor than themselves, the needs of both are met wonderfully. In this approach no one person is independent of the other, rather, both are serving the other. This is God’s beautiful design to illustrate the roles He has in place and to ensure that each one’s needs are met.

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  61. Donald Knott
    3 years ago

    Not withstanding the bizarre interpretation of scripture from “Darrell” about chastising his wife (among other things) this article seems to suggest that if a husband were “doing his job” as a husband then the wife would have no problem submitting.

    This article mistakenly promotes the idea that a husband must earn his wife’s submission through his actions and behavior. She makes a choice to submit to God’s word and instruction just as the husband makes a choice to adhere to the bible’s instruction to love his wife as Christ loved the church (a servant type of love). The choice being made is whether (or not) the wife wants to honor God’s instruction. The same goes for the husband. Anything else reeks of selfish interest and is not what the bible instructs for a marriage relationship.

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  62. Jay
    1 year ago

    In other words ignore everything you said that was good and let her disrespect you and treat you like sh** cause she had a previous life before you that involved fathers and boyfriends? There was no closure to this post. I loved the beginning though, You were transparent. Does this work both ways? Can men that had bad moms and girlfriends, lay claim to your procedures?
    Partner with Him.
    Honor Him.
    Understand Him.
    Love Him.
    Respect Him.

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  63. Wil M.
    1 year ago

    Ladies and gentlemen.
    Stop.
    Do not try to justify your lack of willingness to submit to your husbands due to any of his actions.
    Submit. That’s what the scripture says and it is not ( if x,y and z)
    You are accountable to your husband and he is to God. And this is not subject to any specific performance on his part.
    The same as the husband is commanded to love his wife. Regardless of whatever she does or not. These spiritual commandments are to you individually and are not subject to a required specific performance from the other party.
    Stop trying to use the scriptures to try manipulate the way your spouse behaves towards you. Read and follow God’s word and scriptures to be what you are to be in your life and to help you behave the way you are supposed to towards your spouse and others.

    Posting here, anything that supports the opposite is not just the wrong advise but destructive, as it attacks the structure of the family by undermining authority necessary for the proper functioning of it.
    Do not encourage dissent by assigning to husbands you don’t even know your imaginary reasons for their behavior.
    What God has put together, let not man (or woman) take apart.

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  64. Dawit
    1 year ago

    So another feminist post… in order for you to submit as it says in the scriptures “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” You are trying to spin it and say we should do everything and some in order for you to
    follow the Lord’s word? You’re supposed to follow the Lord’s word and not somehow think that a man is supposed to convince you that it is alright to submit and follow his lead.
    If your own conditioning is stronger than your faith in the word of The Most High, then it is not up to your man to save you. That means you never had real faith to begin with.

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  65. Amy bratt
    6 months ago

    I think I’ll throw a monkey wrench into this conversation.
    When husbands and wives are out of control,
    Always fighting and screaming, they are narcissists. One person out of every seven is a narcissist. This is a staggering amount of narcissists out there and the pain they cause is everywhere.
    It is not feminism or anything else you’re coming up with, they are narcissists.
    You married a narc.
    95% of them cannot be helped with any counseling and one in seven people is a narcissist.
    Go to the narcissist coaches online and learn about them.
    Some are malignant narcissists and they are very dangerous.
    And the covert narcissist is the hidden narcissist.
    If your life is being made miserable by a man or a woman who pretends to love you and is so wonderful in the beginning and then turns nasty and devalues you, you are being stalked by a narcissist living in your home.

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Serena
10 years ago 214 Comments Marriage, Submission in Marriage, Wifehusband, marriage, submission, wife95,530
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