“A man’s sexual performance with his wife is an inseparable part of who he is.” – Barbara Rainey
I could quote scientific studies and statistics here, but I’ll spare us both. Men are sex. That’s it. That’s all we need to know. We don’t have to understand it. We don’t have to agree with it. But I do know God made them that way. That’s the way it is.
“… A man’s sexual appetite is a barometer for what’s going on inside his heart. Your sex drive consists of more than testosterone and the buildup of seminal fluid pressing for biological release, more than being visually stimulated and feeling aroused. Sexual arousal is an accumulation of your experiences, deep needs, and unconscious beliefs. Your heart shares a deep connection to your body parts. The way you are sexually aroused reflects what’s happening deep in your soul, beyond your sexual organs. Indeed, sex is as much spiritual mystery as it is physical fact. The reality is that your heart needs something…” (Michael Cusick, “Surfing For God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle”).
I didn’t understand this truth and it almost dealt the final blow to our marriage. I grossly underestimated what sexual sin did to my husband’s heart to wound him. And I completely ignored how God could heal him with pure and holy sexual intimacy. Solomon divinely articulates this.
Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? Prov. 5:15-20
Sex plays two important roles.
Protect his heart.
Sexual sin is a deceptive, enticing trap. Even for married men. Even for godly men.
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” -Job
“I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Jesus
“Because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife… The wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband…” 1 Cor. 7:1-3
“Don’t refuse sex to each other, unless you agree not to have sex for a little while, in order to spend time in prayer. Then Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Cor. 7:5
Unite him to his wife.
“Man… is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Gen. 2:24-25
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth… Let the king bring me into his chambers.” Solomon’s Bride
“Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle grazing among the lilies. I will hurry to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way… You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes.” –Solomon
“The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.” 1 Cor. 7:3 MSG
You are the maker of sexuality. You have purposed it to be beautiful and holy. You created intimacy between husband and wife to be shameless. But I know the enemy has defiled this purpose. Our hearts and minds have been wounded by sin and lies about sexuality. Redeem my sexuality today. Cleanse my hearts and body so that I can offer myself, unblemished, to my husband. Let me build him up by giving myself entirely to the one-flesh covenant we share.
In Jesus Name,
- Build Him Up: How Wives Can Encourage Their Husbands
- Build Him Up: Respect
- What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Sex
- What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Sex