Behind the Smile: 6 Things Every Church Needs to Know About the Preacher’s Wife

woman

We might be the handshaking, cupcake baking, card sending type, but behind the smile, there is a real woman. That real woman has real hurts, real fears, real doubts and real battles.

This is what you need to know about her.

I want to love you. Please don’t make it harder.

I want to love you, all of you. I even want to love those of you who disagree with my husband. But sometimes you make that hard. You make it hard when you gossip about him, when you believe the gossip about him and when you refuse to go to bat for him.

I wish you saw the man I see.

I see the man he is. He is full of flaws. I of all people know. But I also see the man who dedicated his life to serving others. I see the man who sacrificed personal goals, financial security and a 401k to serve the body of Christ. I see the man who would rather get food stamps than further burden churches. I see the man who answers calls at all hours of the night, leaves for midnight baptisms and patches marriages back together with painstaking care. I see a man who is devoted to Jesus. I wish you saw that too.

I am ready to fight.

My heart breaks. But I am not broken for my own hurts. I am broken for hurts to my husband. Please consider how hard it is for me to bear brunt of spiritual attacks day after day. Please consider the frailty of my spirit. I am girded to fight. I just don’t want it to be with you.

It is often unbearable to have our every word and action affect our financial security.

Please allow my personal life, so long as it is holy, remain personal. Please don’t judge me by my opinions and preferences. Only judge me by the Word of God.

Sometimes he needs a friend.

Please give him an ear when he needs it. Please give him a shoulder when he needs it. Please hold his confidence when he trusts you. He needs that. I need that.

I just want to love the Lord.

I just want to use the talents that he has given me to make an eternal difference in this world. I want to make every minute count for Jesus. Please let me.

See also: When Ministry Kills Your Faith

Serena
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Comments: 15
  1. Debbi WAlton
    10 years ago

    AMEN and AMEN!!! Perfectly said. Thank you so much. I’ve always said, only another preacher’s wife can truly understand. Thank you!!!

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  2. Julie
    10 years ago

    Thanks to fb, I came across your blog. I love your posts. They have encouraged and inspired me. They have given me a renewed hope and faith. They have challenged my current way of thinking. Keep writing!!

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    • 10 years ago

      God bless you! That’s why I do this. I know how hard it has been for me in the times I feel alone. If I can help someone know that they aren’t alone and God is for them its totally worth it.

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  3. 10 years ago

    The feminist in me just died a little. These nearly all center around the husband and the wife’s emotions/status relative to her husband. So basically, she doesn’t exist outside her relationship to his job. What a horrifying, unhealthy, and dehumanizing prospect. Identity shouldn’t depend on one’s relationship to another party.

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    • 10 years ago

      Ha! Well, I am about as opposite of a feminist that exists in the modern world. So I guess that’s a compliment. But, the point of this particular post was being “the preacher’s wife.” It isn’t a title I chose or even condone, but it is the box many of us get put into.

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    • Amber
      10 years ago

      Exasperated sigh. You feminists. Smh. It’s getting as bad as “the race card” or politically correct regarding homosexuals. Is there anything that doesn’t offend “you people?” Yes, you are now in that league of winners. Congratulations. Nobody cares. Seriously.

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    • Toni
      10 years ago

      Sweet feminist friend, when a couple marry, they become one in the truest sense. Their hopes, dreams, goals, disappointments, and hurts are all shared. When my husband hurts, I hurt, as well. Not unlike the pain I feel when my children suffer. Love suffers with those who suffer. A preacher’s wife sometimes feels more acutely the pain of her husband. He must stand strong in the face of criticism and rejection, but she aches for him.

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      • 10 years ago

        Beautiful. Just as I don’t want to walk through my storms alone, to do so to my husband would be cruel. I often wonder if we advocated the same harsh treatment, that husbands bear the brunt of, with our best friend, what would be said of that woman? Let love win!

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  4. Micah
    10 years ago

    Yes!!! Thank you for this! People tend to forget that we are as normal as everyone else and that the same principles apply to us that apply to them! It’s so hard to look at someone the same way after you know they’ve been gossiping about your husband. Thank you so much for this!

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  5. ronnie
    10 years ago

    Why would it be a virtue to get food stamps instead of being paid by his career? Is it virtue, in an attempt to publicly remove yourself from the pursuit of money, to take money from others by the force of the government? The only thing I get from this article is that you exalt your husband to near-deity status, and that you play the perpetual victim. Please let me love you. Please let me serve Jesus. Please help my husband. Please don’t judge me. It’s literally crazy to ask someone who gives your family money for your husband’s attempt to teach them about life not to judge your own life. If I give you money, I can judge you by whatever means I see fit. I will stop giving you money for whatever reason seems best to me. How have you degraded to such a subhuman level? It’s astounding.

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  6. Sheryl
    10 years ago

    I just saw this one! I love you!

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  7. Jason
    10 years ago

    It never ceases to amaze me how easily provoked to anger some people are. This was a heart-felt blog entry from a person attempting to encourage and edify others, and it is met with ridicule and contempt by Slee the feminist and Ronnie the judger. I hope you guys feel better after you contributed your two cents worth, because I know no one else does. I don’t know you, Serena, but thank you for trying to bring positivity to such a cynical world. Ronnie, if you have a job, I hope that those who help pay your salary do not mete out the level of judgment to you that you feel so free to give.

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  8. Colton
    9 years ago

    Please, liberals, get off of this post. This woman is writing an article that true women can relate to. She is not writing it to seek pity or for some sick way of getting attention (unlike you liberal clowns). She is writing this to allow those of us who attend church to have a glimpse inside of the lives of the Pastor and his wife. If you knew anything about The Bible, you’d know that God calls women to submit to their husbands because he is the head of the household. If you’re so offended by the article, don’t read it. It’s a rather simple concept. Then again, I understand that liberals (and feminists) either don’t possess or choose not to use common sense so your comments do not surprise me. Nice article! Thank you!

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    • 9 years ago

      Well thank you. I just share my heart and my perspective. That’s all I can do.

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  9. Preacher's wife
    9 years ago

    Amen. Well said, Serena. I have fallen into the trap of allowing what’s going on the the church to dictate how I’m feeling. I am learning and trusting in God to lead me in PEACE and JOY regardless of the outside storms going on. I won’t let anyone steal it from me again. I will serve and cry out to God and serve Him no matter what.

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Serena
10 years ago 18 Comments Preacher's Wife, The Church, Women's Ministry, , 896