I just celebrated my third anniversary of blogging. Well, celebrate is an overstatement. I got a little announcement in my messages and said to my family, “Hey, I’ve been blogging for three years.”
Then they said, something like “Whoopee.”
Three years of sharing myself is a long time. Most of the time I feel like my readers know me better than anyone. It is easier for me to share the gritty stuff here than it is to share face to face. You guys get the thoughts-in-my-head me.
But there is a part of me that I don’t think I have been entirely honest about, probably even to myself. There is part of me that I still try to conceal. It emerges from time to time. My husband sees it. My kids see it. I try to hide it from the rest of the world.
I have a knock-down drag out temper. I once swiffered all the pictures off my daughters’ wall because they wouldn’t tell me what the smell was in their room. I have slammed doors so hard I broke the frame. I have thrown more things at my husband than I really even want to count. I have had rage that blurs my vision and corrupts my judgement.
I hate it.
I hate the rage. I hate losing control and being consumed my an emotion that rules my mind and my actions.
I’m not the only one who hates is. God does too. God hates it because it keeps me from righteousness.
The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:20
Because I love God and I want to be righteous, I have learned:
To walk a way
When it starts to bubble inside, I just walk away. I take 10… or 20 or 30.
A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back. Proverbs 29:11
There are some situations that I just can’t deal with. There are some people I shouldn’t deal with. There are some things I just have to let go. There are some boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.
Do not associate with a man given to anger or go with a hot-tempered man. Proverbs 22:24
I don’t have to be right
But I am right! But what if I’m not? And what if it doesn’t matter?
What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? James 4:1
Disagreement isn’t rejection
Nothing burns the fire hotter and faster than my fear of rejection. Especially from my husband. I don’t want you to walk away from me. I don’t want to be alone. I want to be worth fight for. The thing is anger produces the opposite of what I want.
Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool. Ecclesiastes 7:9
Let God have the last word
No matter who wrongs me, who offends me or who does me wrong I need to let God have the last word. I’m not him and I’m not qualified for his job.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19
But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Colossians 3:8