For several days I have been struggling with writing about some of the scheduled topics on the little index card beside my computer. But today, dating, child-rearing and even grief seem inconsequential. Today I can’t help but be overcome by one thing, God. Nothing else. Just God.
Last weekend I hunkered down with eleven women in a cabin. We ripped open our hearts. We exposed our true self. We cried. A lot. We supported. We listened. We hugged. We bonded. But those bonds are inconsequential too. We were overcome by one thing. We were overcome by God. Nothing else. Just God.
I believe God is ruler of the universe. I believe he is designer of the galaxies. I believe God is the commander of the stars. He is the composer of the song they sing. I believe God is the architect of atoms and the originator of life unseen by the naked eye. I believe God is the engineer from the depths of the ocean to the top of the mountains. I believe God is the Sovereign King. I believe he is the Most High.
I also believe he dwells low. He resides in pools of tears, on cold floors of sorrow. He inhabits the broken heart. He endures through sleepless nights reeked with fear. He lingers near in our anxiety. He pursues while we run. He is God of the lowly.
During our retreat with God he lead me to a psalm of David. This psalm became our prayer.
Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer;
answer me, for I need your help.
Protect me, for I am devoted to you.
Save me, for I serve you and trust you.
You are my God.
Be merciful to me, O Lord,
for I am calling on you constantly.
Give me happiness, O Lord,
for I give myself to you.
O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.
Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord;
hear my urgent cry.
I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble,
and you will answer me.
No pagan god is like you, O Lord.
None can do what you do!
All the nations you made
will come and bow before you, Lord;
they will praise your holy name.
For you are great and perform wonderful deeds.
You alone are God.
Teach me your ways, O Lord,
that I may live according to your truth!
Grant me purity of heart,
so that I may honor you.
With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God.
I will give glory to your name forever,
for your love for me is very great.
You have rescued me from the depths of death.
O God, insolent people rise up against me;
a violent gang is trying to kill me.
You mean nothing to them.
But you, O Lord,
are a God of compassion and mercy,
slow to get angry
and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.
Look down and have mercy on me.
Give your strength to your servant;
save me, the son of your servant.
Send me a sign of your favor.
Then those who hate me will be put to shame,
for you, O Lord, help and comfort me. (Psalm 86)