A million tears had already fallen. I wanted to runaway but I had to settle for hiding in the bathroom from my parents. I was a failure and a let down again. The bleeding wound in my heart made me more fierce on the outside, but the inside was being ripped and ripened for what was coming. I was being humbled. I was being pursued.
My voice and my body cried for help. Someone help me. God. God, help me.
In my rebellion to my parents and my Creator, I had glimpses of a different way. I had glimpses of hope. When I couldn’t stand the noise in my house or in my head I would lay in the yard looking at the stars. God felt farther away than those stars. He was there, but somewhere way past my reach.
But that day in the bathroom I learned a truth that has anchored me in many more storms. I learned that God not only dwells in the majesty of the heavens, he also lies on a cold tile floor with a 15 year-old girl who is begging for help. In that moment of my devastation he came.
Peace surrounded me. I felt his warmth envelop me. I was like a little girl on her daddy’s lap. As any good father would, he wiped my tears, stroked my hair and told me everything was going to be alright.
He was right. I was going to be alright. I am alright.
Some of you are wiping your own tears as you read this. Others are hoping, wondering if this could be true. Some are doubting, even scoffing, while others are plotting a rebuttal or rebuke to this tall tale.
I want you to know something. I don’t believe I was drugged, delusional or deceived that day. I believe I experienced God. I experienced Elohei Mikkarov– God who is near. And I believe if you humble yourself before him in your brokenness you could experience him too.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18