Magic Mike or Tragic Mike? Part 2: How Do I Break the Chains of Sexual Sin?

July 3, 2012 by 3 Comments

Yesterday’s post, “Magic Mike or Tragic Mike? The Christian Woman and Her Entertainment”, struck a nerve with some. The feedback  I received was mostly positive. I’m thankful that so many people took time to read it and share their thoughts publicly and privately. I am thankful for the comments that challenge me and even the ones that I disagree with.

One of the responses especially stirred my thoughts and convicted me that the message needed a follow-up. He said:

For most of my life, the majority of the messages I have heard about the Bible could fit into this three-point outline:

  • God is good.
  • You are not very good.
  • Do better.

Although I believe this outline to be a declaration of truth, I find that repeatedly declaring my shortcomings doesn’t necessarily help me “do better”.

In my years of ministering to women I have heard a broad range of confessions of women who knew they weren’t very good. Many of these women have confessed a vast chasm of sexual sin. They escape to another world of fantasy. Some would rather please themselves than be intimate with their husbands. Yet others have indulged in affairs. Many women are keeping secrets of the heart.

Maybe today you are burden with a sexual sin that is hidden. Maybe you want to get out but you have no idea how. I don’t want to leave you with another laundry list of your faults. I don’t want to pile more guilt on top of your shame. I don’t want to simply leave you the message “do better.” I want to tell you how.

Let me introduce you or possibly re-introduce you to Jesus.

As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

You may feel like the weight of pressure feels like a stoning. But Jesus can do the same for you as he did for this woman caught right in the act of adultery. He sparred her. He released her. He urged her to “sin no more.”

Jesus also said, “I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest” (John 10:10). You know, living vicariously through a book isn’t life to the fullest. Spending your thoughts day dreaming about a man who isn’t yours isn’t living life to the fullest. Giving your body away to man who is not your husband isn’t living life to the fullest. There is so much more that could be yours.

If these words are piercing your spirit, know this, the desire you have isn’t wrong. The desire to be loved, to share your life, and to be romanced isn’t a flawed desire. In fact those desires come from your Creator.

The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God’s vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships. In fact, this may be The most important thing we ever learn about God–the He yearns for relationship with us. “Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God” (John 17:3). The whole story of the Bible is a love story between God and His people. He yearns for us. He cares. He has a tender heart.- Stasci Eldredge Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul

The problem comes when you settle for a counterfeit version of love. Those cheap imitations will only leave you thirstier than when you arrived.

Remember what Jesus said, “I came so that YOU could have life- indeed, so that YOU could live life to the fullest.” If you want to experience the deepest love that this life has to offer it comes only through surrendering to the one who wrote the most intimate love story of all- Jesus. He is the one who rode in on a white horse and laid down his life for you. He will give you the love that you’ve always dreamed of. He alone can give you what your heart yearns for.

But how?

Jesus stands with his arms extended. Now it is up to you whether or not you will join yourself to Him. It is not about “doing better.” It is not about following a code of conduct or even modifying your behavior. It is about uniting yourself to a God big enough to fill all the holes in your heart.

  • God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. 1 Cor. 1:30
  • My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Gal. 2:20
  • And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes. Gal. 3:27
  • For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. Eph.2:6
  • Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. Phil. 3:8-9
Filed Under: Christ-followers & Culture, Womanhood Tagged With: , , , ,

Magic Mike or Tragic Mike? The Christian Woman and Her Entertainment

July 2, 2012 by 14 Comments

Ok, so I’m not exactly in the pop culture loop. I know you are surprised, right? But I have noticed here lately there seems to be a growing market for the desperate housewife types. From high-profile, raunchy novels to movies about male strippers, the world is offering women an outlet for their sexual frustration. “Oh to be kissed like THAT!” is the desire of our heart.

So can my Christian faith co-exist with this entertainment? Can my marriage remain unharmed by the influence of these types of pleasure?

I want to reference back to an article from a couple of weeks ago, on pornography.  Just as deadly as porn is to our holiness and our marriages, the seemingly more benign, culturally acceptable versions for women are as well. Do not be deceived. The enemy of your soul has laid his trap.

Let’s feminize Jesus’ teaching from Matthew 5:29-30:

But I say, any woman who even looks at,  reads a book about, or fantasizes about, a man with lust, who is not her husband, has already committed adultery with him in her heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.  -Jesus

That pretty well has the holiness covered. But the teachings of Jesus are full of similar admonitions. He simply desires your utmost purity of heart. He warns us:

“Don’t you understand either?” he asked. “Can’t you see that the food you put into your body cannot defile you? Food doesn’t go into your heart, but only passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer.” (By saying this, he declared that every kind of food is acceptable in God’s eyes.)

And then he added, “It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you.” Mark 7:18-23

I know that there are Christian women reading this who will scoff. They don’t want to give up their fun. I know them. I have even watched some of them fall. What is crazy to me about that verse in Mark 7 is that I used to separate all those fruits of the heart, as if they stood alone. But life has shown me that once the evil thoughts are allowed to penetrate one’s heart, the rest of those things will grow like interlocking thorns of the souls.

I have watched women who started reading the Cosmo sex articles and romance novels. Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do, but it wouldn’t go farther. But the discontentment with their ho-hum life filled with kids, chaos, bills, and less-than-studly husbands, became a struggle. The struggle within grew and the lies began to flow along with excuses to avoid being home. “I have to work late” or “It’s girl’s night out.” Those excursions led to propositions from other men at the bar or on the dance floor. Those propositions were deflected for a short time, but the way they made these women feel was exhilarating, like a real life romance novel. Eventually, the propositions were not refused until they found themselves in the bed of another man. Maybe after the first one-night stand, remorse followed. But even then, the pull to that life was stronger than the desire to be a wife and mother. The pride, greed, envy and slander and wickedness all worked together as the supporting cast for what ended in a full-blown affair. Adultery. Jesus pleads with us. He warns us that THIS is what will defile you.

So when you think that reading Shades of Grey or catching the late night viewing of Magic Mike are innocent fun. I beg you, think again.

Read the follow-up: Magic Mike or Tragic Mike? Part 2: How Do I Break the Chains of Sexual Sin?

Filed Under: Marriage, Womanhood Tagged With: , ,

Sex, Marriage, & Fairytales

June 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” Hebrews 13:4

 

Follow up to last week’s posts on marriage.

 

 

Filed Under: Marriage, Singlehood Tagged With: ,

Marriage Myth #3: Porn Won’t Hurt My Marriage

June 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

 

Whether you are married yet or not pornography will hurt you. We’ve heard the laundry lists of excuses given.

  1. It spices up our marriage.
  2. What’s the harm in looking?
  3. Men need an outlet.
  4. What’s it hurt?
  5. It’s not like cheating.

Let me say, no excuse offered is stronger than this:

But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. -Jesus

I am no biblical scholar, but that pretty well has pornography and masturbation covered. If Jesus says a better option for me is to gouge out my eye or cut off my hand than to lust, then lust will hurt. Lust ends in eternal destruction. So will affect my marriage? Unquestionably, YES! 

On the flip side, Job’s righteousness and faith were demonstrated in his ability to deny his flesh. “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman. For what has God above chosen for us? What is our inheritance from the Almighty on high?”

Pornography leaves men disconnected from their women. It leaves women feeling insecure and unloved. Whether it’s before or during the relationship, porn hurts marriage.

Check out this article, the first in a series on Rise of the Home:  Pornography: Removing the Veil & Shining the Light on the Beast.

If you find yourself wanting to get out of your addiction to porn there are people who can help. If you find yourself in a loveless marriage because porn is robbing you of pure love, there is support for you. And no matter how terrifying the beast, there is a God who is more than able to slay him on your behalf.

 

Filed Under: Marriage, Singlehood Tagged With: