Grieving Together

February 26, 2013 by 5 Comments
hands

” And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother.” Gen. 24:67

So I have a tendency to withdraw from people when I hurt. I tend to crawl  into my hole, leaving those outside feeling isolated, especially my husband.

I suppose God tucked away this little verse in Genesis 24:67 for me. When Isaac was grieving the loss of his mother he married Rebekah. He loved her deeply. She was a special comfort to him.

I love this because during Isaac’s time of grief he allowed God to comfort him through the covenant of marriage and hands of his wife. In my grief there are moments that marriage is abrasive to me. There are moments when I don’t want to let my husband in. There are even moments I think I would rather be alone.

But what I have forgotten is that God can still use marriage for me like he did for Isaac if I only let him. I can wall myself off in my pain or I can reach out. I can speak my hurt and allow the arms my husband to be my strength or I can maintain barriers and let it all fall apart.

I have a choice, keep him out or be vulnerable… to tough it out alone, or dig deep into our marriage and let God dwell there. Today I have made the choice to let God dwell there.

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” Matthew 12:25

 

Filed Under: Christian Life, Death and Dying, Marriage Tagged With: ,

Can Christians Date?

February 22, 2013 by 4 Comments

A couple weeks ago my husband and I took our 7 year-old daughter out to dinner, per her request, to Olive Garden. She wanted us to get dressed up and take just her. When we got to the restaurant she wanted Daniel and I to sit together and her across from us. As she smiled and sparkled she said, “Mommy, Daddy was the first one you ever kissed right?”

My heart sank. Shame sparked like fire in my spirit. As I stumbled on my words, not knowing how to answer my innocent child, my husband said, “I’m the first one that mattered.”  Again, my husband, my Christ-figure (Eph. 5) covered my sin, the sins of my youth.

If you are a teenager, raising a teenager, will ever be raising a teenager or know a teenager, watch this. Open your heart and consider this truth.

 

 

Marriage is hard. The process of becoming one flesh is tedious and painful. When you add the baggage of previous relationships and sexual sin marriage is only harder. If you are single my plea to you is please don’t give your body, your heart, your commitment or your dreams to anyone until marriage is your intention… and theirs.

Filed Under: Christ-followers & Culture, Christian Life, Marriage, Matters of the Heart, Singlehood Tagged With: , , ,

Adopting His Legacy

September 20, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There are certain things that are fundamentals to human fulfillment. The essence of these needs is captured in the phrase, “to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy”… The need to leave a legacy is our spiritual need to have a sense of meaning, purpose, personal congruence and contribution. – Stephen Covey

When I decided to put on Christ I did it with a lot of zeal and naivety. As I sat in the crowd one night listening to the preacher talk about his overseas trips I made up my mind I was going. I wanted adventures for Christ.  When I was 18 I went. And I knew God destined me for this work. I was where I belonged. I went back, and wanted to move, giving my life to overseas ministry in Asia.

Then I met Daniel. He had a heart to serve God, but guess what, not overseas.

I have wrestled with this for 15 years. I still wrestle with it at times. But I am learning a lesson. When God called me to marriage, he called me to adopt my husband’s legacy. This is where we’ll go back to Genesis and the purpose God had for Eve.

God called Eve an ezer kenegdo. That usually gets translated “helper suitable” or “helpmeet.” But one translation that brings it home for me is “sustainer beside him.” Eve wasn’t just an administrative assistant or a house keeper. She was a sustainer beside her man. Now the crazy thing is, that title is used of God himself in relation to Israel in times of distress.

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May He send you help. Ps 20:1-2

I imagine Adam going through the garden, naming all the animals, seeing their pairs and yearning for a partner of his own. As he looked to the heavens with sorrow God answered the cry of Adams heart with the crown of creation, Eve. God put a piece of himself in her. He sent his help. His rescue to Adam’s heart was Eve. If any woman was created to adopt her husband’s legacy it’s her.

If God called me to marriage, then God called me to stand beside Daniel and use my strength to sustain him just as God purposed this for Eve.

Now let’s jump ahead to the “Worthy Woman.” The scripture says:

“Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Prov. 31:11-2

She bought and sold, worked all night, fed and clothed the family, helped the poor and on and on. It was not for her personal achievement. It was not for her reputation. It was for her man. She did it all to enrich his life and bring him good ALL the days of her life. Her life was dedicated to the cause.

So I have to ask myself the question. Am I dedicated to the same cause? The truth is, not usually.

Do I have my agenda or our agenda? Do I seek personal and professional fulfillment or joint fulfillment? Do I go my day with thoughts of enriching my husband’s life? Am`I about adopting his purpose and his legacy?

(This is a follow-up to Wives Submit? What Does the Bible Say?, Wives Submit? What’s the Big Deal? and Wives Submit? What Submission is NOT.)

Filed Under: Marriage, Submission in Marriage, Womanhood Tagged With: , ,

Wives Submit? Part 3: What Submission is NOT

September 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

“Selfish- a judgment readily passed by those who have never tested their own power of sacrifice. ” -George Eliot

That’s what submission really boils down to- your power of sacrifice. When we are able to put ourselves aside, we unleash great potential. Instead, we begrudge the idea, and limit the power of God in our lives.

Oh, wow how I have neglected this over the years. I haven’t seen the potential of God in my submission. I have seen it as a curse. I’ve even said, “I hate being a woman.” I have despised the opportunity God has blessed me with to imitate Jesus.

What if Jesus would have begrudged submission? Simply put, we would both be lost and have no chance at redemption.

You know, the husband/wife relationship is parallel to the Christ and the church. I learn a lot about what it means to be submissive from the Master teacher himself, Jesus, and his relationship with his bride, the church.

For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. Eph. 5:23-24

I can also learn a lot about what submission isn’t.

1. Demanded

The Father loves me because I sacrifice my life so I may take it back again. No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. John 10:17-18

Just as God the Father could not demand that Jesus lay down his life, a husband cannot demand that a wife submit. This is a willing, voluntary sacrifice. It’s not with teeth clenched. It is doesn’t require biting our tongue. It does come from a deliberate heart.

2. Resignation of strength

 But when the leading priests and the elders made their accusations against him, Jesus remained silent. Mt. 27:2

We do not have to resign our strength, but at times we do have to restrain our strength, as Jesus did before his crucifixion. Jesus could have come into Pilate’s court with guns blazing. He could have had a turning over tables moment, but instead he restrained his unfathomable strength. He didn’t even speak.

I think for a wife this strength would look a lot like Esther. If you haven’t read that little Old Testament book, pour a coffee and cuddle up on the couch and go meet Esther. She was a dynamic woman. When her people, the Jews, were facing annihilation, her husband, the king was the only one who could stop it. She didn’t nag. She didn’t storm into the palace demanding action. No, she requested the presence of the king  prepared a feast. She did this knowing that he could have ordered her execution. She patiently waited for the right moment. Her gentle strength saved her people.

3. Burying your gifts

God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. 1 Cor. 12: 6-7

God has portioned each of us with a gift. He doesn’t expect us to neglect or hide that gift in the name of submission. However, the gift we think God has given may not be it after all.  God won’t ask you to serve him in ways that defy your role as a wife.

4. Captivity

I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments. Ps. 119:45

No commandment of God will enslave us. It is quite the opposite. Obedience to God’s commands gives us freedom. We have to remember that, “Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome” (1 John 5:3).

Ladies, today let’s look for the opportunities that God is placing before us to show a deliberate, voluntary sacrifice for the man we have been united with in the covenant of marriage. Let’s have eyes for service and love. Let’s be ready to honor God by honoring our men.

Tomorrow… we will talk about adopting our husband’s legacy.

Filed Under: Marriage, Submission in Marriage, Womanhood Tagged With: ,

Wives Submit? Part 2: What’s the Big Deal?

September 18, 2012 by 5 Comments

Yesterday I started a week-long series on biblical submission in marriage with, Wives Submit? What Does the Bible Say? Today, in part 2, let’s see what the big deal is? If my marriage seems to be working without it, then who cares?

So what if my marriage seems to be working? I propagated that lie in my head for years. But my logic was based on faulty reasoning. My marriage wasn’t working. I didn’t  call the best of out of my husband with my gentleness, rather I emasculated him with my challenging, domineering spirit. And I was miserable.

I longed for him take initiative and to lead, but my actions bore much different results. I shut him down and locked myself  in a lonely marriage for a decade of my life.

So, who cares? Well, God cares. I have tried to work my way around this. I have tried to excuse it. I have tried to find a reason to negate the teaching. But the truth is the bible says this:

  • But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Cor. 11:3
  • In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. 1 Pet. 3:1
  • And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Eph 5:21-22
  • Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Col 3: 18

So why do I fight this?

There is a little thing that happened in Gen. 3:18 called the curse. Eve was cursed with pain in child-bearing.  We can’t deny that one can we ladies? But God also said, “You will desire to control your husband.” Oh! My desire to make decisions, my fear of trusting his decisions, my need to get in the last word, to be right and to run the show is a consequence of the blackness of sin. God didn’t make me that way. Sin did. And sin leads to death.

So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death… For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. Rom 8:6-7

SO, if the God spoke directly on the subject and I refuse what does that mean?

“God will not bless an environment of rebellion. If  you are in rebellion to your husband you are in rebellion to God.” – Tony Evans

Living in rebellion to God is a devastating situation that will end up being cut off from God.

Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. So because you have rejected the command of the LORD, he has rejected you… 1 Sam. 15:23 

OK, I can read it. I can acknowledge that I fight it. I may even accept that I’m in rebellion if I don’t do it. So why does submission seem contrary to my best interest? Why do I feel so defensive about it? I think it is because Satan, using the feminist movement as a mouth piece, has convinced us that we are weak if yield to another person.

But even feminists yield to other people every day. The most die-hard women’s liber yields to the speed limit, to her boss, maybe even to her peers every day. But when it comes to yielding to your life’s partner it is somehow caustic.

Really, that just doesn’t make sense. To live a selfless life of dedication to another person is an emblem of strength. We honor people like Mother Theresa, yet fail to see the beauty in the opportunity a wife is given each day to restrain her will for the will of her husband. Submission is not insulting, weak, or pathetic. It is a replica of the beacon of Christ’s love.

In your life together, think the way Christ Jesus thought. He was like God in every way, but he did not think that his being equal with God was something to use for his own benefit. Instead, he gave up everything, even his place with God. He accepted the role of a servant, appearing in human form. During his life as a man, he humbled himself by being fully obedient to God, even when that caused his death—death on a cross.  Phil. 2:5-8

Tomorrow, we’ll talk about what submission is NOT.

Filed Under: Marriage, Submission in Marriage, Womanhood Tagged With: ,

Beginning the Journey to Reconciliation

August 30, 2012 by 2 Comments

 He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end… So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist, and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.

Yesterday I shared part of the story of our marriage, in “Marriage, Conflict, and Reconciliation.”  First of all, thank you for all the responses. I have prayed for the marriages of every one of you who sent messages. I know the struggle. You are not alone. In your strength you can’t do it, but in God’s you can!

No matter how cold your marriage is or how many fights, affairs, or addictions have plagued your home, reconciliation through Jesus is possible. Maybe you are reading this today because God is calling you to begin the journey of reconciliation through your love, sacrifice and service.

Today I want to challenge us with some scripture that we may not always apply to our spouses. If you are anything like me, when I want to read something from the bible about marriage, I tend to go to passages that say “marriage.” But, there are so many passages that give us principles to live by besides the ones that are specifically dealing with the husband and wife relationship.

I have shared a few today. Meditate on your relationship with your spouse and read these passages. Then ask the Lord to show you where you need grow. Let’s start with a passage from 1 Cor 13.

But if I don’t have love, I am only a noisy bell or a ringing cymbal… I may… know everything there is to know, and I may have faith so great that I can move mountains. But even with all this, if I don’t have love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have to help others, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned. But I gain nothing by doing all this if I don’t have love.

  • Love is patient and kind.
  • Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.
  • Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. 
  • Love does not remember wrongs done against it.
  • Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth.
  • Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits.
  • Love will never end.

For me this could say, “You could cook three meals a day, have all the laundry caught up, look great and have a lot sex. You could hold your tongue and serve like crazy, but if you don’t have love, it’s just show. If you don’t really love you are fake and what you do is meaningless. You have to love.”

Jesus was clear that love is simply the most important thing we can DO. I think we’ve been deceived to think love is a feeling of warm gushies. Love isn’t how you feel. It is the motivation and driving force behind your actions.

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matt. 22:37-40

So what does love look like. Check out these from Romans 12:

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them… Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other…

Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud…  And don’t think you know it all!

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace…  Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

How about these from Jesus’ sermon on the mount in Matthew 5?

“God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way…

“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God… settle your differences quickly…

“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. 

Ok… that’s enough to make me hang my head. If Jesus is teaching about our relationships with the world, how much more do these apply to the one we have given our hearts to in the covenant of marriage. If I am supposed to be happy about persecution and let people slap my face twice and if my anger is the same as MURDER- Let me tell you, I have failed miserably.

It is my prayer that we all will defy the world’s influence and love like Jesus today… even when it’s hard.

 

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With: ,

Kids and Sex: Can You Have Both?

August 24, 2012 by 5 Comments

Today’s post is dedicated to all those mom’s who contacted me last week and said something like, “I WANT more intimacy with my husband but how do I find time?” Many of us are balancing work, ministry, multiple kids in diapers, breastfeeding, school transportation schedules, homeschooling, driver’s ed AND MORE!

Let me tell you. I GET IT! My husband and I, in a couple of months, are expecting baby #6. We have children 11, 9,7, 3 and 19 mo. Between the two of us we minister to a church, teach multiple classes for children and adults, serve on a board for a homeless shelter, run a school prayer group, organize retreats, open our home regularly for ministry, coach a baseball team… the list goes on. We are a couple of busy people.

But I only say that to say, we MAKE time for each other. What would the church, our family, the shelter, or any one we serve mean if we did all that to the destruction of our marriage. It would mean nothing.

I want to share a story with you I read  from The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge.

Alma was in her late seventies and had been battling skin cancer that had metastasized to some of her internal organs. She had lost her eye to cancer and much of the skin around her eye socket was black and rough, like a bumpy oil-topped country road. At first I felt sorry for Alma, but that changed within a few short hours when I met her husband, Ralph. He visited her every day, bringing flowers, candy, or a book to read to her… Ever few days… he’d ask “Do you mind hanging your sign on Alma’s door for a little while?”

He was referring to my Do Not Disturb sign… I knew Ralph wasn’t changing Alma’s clothes or giving her a sponge bath. He was being sexually intimate with her. My supervisor warned me that Ralph would expect that courtesy, and to allow him private time with his wife.

“Some people may think it’s sick that an old man would want to have sex with his cancer-riddled wife, but if you think about it, it’s really the most beautiful thing in the world.”

Wow!

When we value our sexual intimacy, the obstacles won’t stop us. There may be inconveniences, but they won’t become love blockers. In fact, I think Ralph had the right idea. I am going to look into a Do Not Disturb sign for OUR door.

A couple of years ago Daniel and I put a movie on for the kids and sneaked away for some afternoon alone time. We heard a knock at the door but we were committed to not answering. A few minutes later the TV sounded much louder. My husband rounded the corner to find, our then 7 year-old, son with a screw driver in hand and an open door. I get obstacles.

Obstacles come from our environment, our mood, our body image, fatigue, our family. Sometimes the obstacles require a little more creativity and planning, but we haven’t met an obstacle that we couldn’t overcome and one that wasn’t worth overcoming!

If you are in a similar place in life as we are maybe these tips will help you.

Keep up with good hygiene.

Ok, you might be laughing, but I’m telling you, there have been weeks and months postpartum that finding time to get in the shower was my first obstacle to jump during the day. Without a fresh shower I feel icky. And I’m not prepared to receive my husband’s affection let alone jump in bed.

Get your rest.

There’s nothing like dropping into bed, one spouse is fired up and the other is snoring. I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen in our house occasionally. But we try to get to bed at a reasonable time to avoid that.

Enforce Bedtime.

For kids and Mom and Dad! One of the big blockers that we have cut out is TV. It was habitual that we would put the kids in bed and one of us would watch a late night show on the couch and the other went to bed. Make it a purpose to actually go to bed together.

Remember the night isn’t the only time of day made for love.

Sometimes at our house the night-time is the most Mommy demanding time of the day. Someone can’t sleep, another has an upset stomach, another a bad dream. Use your morning time or lunch break creatively. Maybe even grab an appetizer before dinner when the demands on Mom are diverted elsewhere.

Pray about having a healthy self-image. 

Let me tell ya, pregnancy does a number on our bodies. I have stretch marks in places I didn’t know I had skin. We gain weight, our boobs sag, our hips spread. Our bodies change with each baby we carry. But it’s ok. Wear it with confidence. We should take care of ourselves of course, but no amount of yogurt and granola is going to make the tire tread on my stomach disappear. If you feel like it’s a big deal be creative with lingerie and lace. Don’t let your body image be dominated negative thoughts.

Put the baby down.

Babies are actually pretty resilient little things. The are able to lay in their beds alone. You can even turn the monitor off for next 15 min. Really. The best advice I got from an older women in the church was to let my first son get used to laying alone in his bed, even during the day. She said, “If he fusses let him go a minute longer each time.” Eventually my infant son would roll, kick and coo himself to sleep happily. It took so much stress off of me and freed me to have time to… well… go to the bathroom and shower. The romance eventually came.

Remember, the most important thing you can give your child is a loving, stable home. 

Don’t let motherhood demands distract you from the most important thing your child needs- a mom and dad who are crazy about each other. Our kids have been exposed to a lot of divorce and broken homes from people we love. We explain to our older kids that when we need time alone that we are using it for God to renew our marriage and love for each other. Motherhood is important. But marriage is a covenant with God that should be cherished, nurtured and grow. Your kids will be thankful for it!

This is Solomon’s song of songs, more wonderful than any other. Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine. How fragrant your cologne; your name is like its spreading fragrance. No wonder all the young women love you! Take me with you; come, let’s run! The king has brought me into his bedroom.

Filed Under: Kids and Beyond, Mama Stuff, Marriage, Womanhood Tagged With: , ,

A God Thing by Sandi Rog

August 22, 2012 by 1 Comment

I have this friend… more like a far away, kindred spirit, who is an amazing writer. She has numerous award-winning books, two of which my husband’s company published. She shared piece on her blog I feel compelled to share with you. It’s not just well-written. It has the hand of God in it.  Read and be prepared to pray! – Serena

Okay, I just did something a bit nutty, perhaps it might be considered “stalking.” But I wasn’t exactly stalking anyone, just a house. I asked God to lead me to this house because I didn’t have the address, and I wasn’t sure if I’d recognize it when/if I did find it.

Here’s what happened:

Last Saturday, I went to two “open houses” with my second oldest daughter. You see, the RICH neighborhood across the big street from us was having open houses! A chance to see one of those gigantic mansions! Why pass up an opportunity?

So, as we were touring the second mansion (and to be honest, I’ve talked often with family about the idea of moving into a large house that would house all of us–aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc–so, I was looking to see if any one of those houses would actually be suitable for that kind of living–umm, nope). Anyway . . . back to the second mansion (okay, just learned these were “big houses” not mansions). We entered the front doors. Right before us were vaulted ceilings, a grand staircase to the right, and towering windows with curtains from the ceiling to the floor presided at the head of a long dining room table. It was awesome!

As we walked through the dining room, two ginormous pictures of a boy in a tuxedo and a girl in a wedding dress were on display. And throughout the entire house we would encounter clusters of toys, paperwork, and games stashed in nooks and cranny’s, giving the home a “lived in” feeling, despite its grandeur. Up the grand staircase were sayings on the walls such as “happily ever after” and other forms of “home sweet home” in modern, scripted letter-style, and different pictures of three children floating down a hall, and pictures of Mom and Dad in wedding photos and other photos of joyous times together. In the master bedroom, a sign above the bed read something like: a kiss before goodnight, with pictures of this couple on either side. As we walked through the smaller bedrooms, one was in blue for a boy, another neatly-kempt room was for a girl, and then the last bedroom was clearly for the youngest girl where she left some of her clothes and toys piled on her bed…

Finish reading at Dare to Dream, A God Thing… It is well worth it!

 

Filed Under: Christian Life, Marriage Tagged With: ,

Magic Mike or Tragic Mike? Part 2: How Do I Break the Chains of Sexual Sin?

July 3, 2012 by 3 Comments

Yesterday’s post, “Magic Mike or Tragic Mike? The Christian Woman and Her Entertainment”, struck a nerve with some. The feedback  I received was mostly positive. I’m thankful that so many people took time to read it and share their thoughts publicly and privately. I am thankful for the comments that challenge me and even the ones that I disagree with.

One of the responses especially stirred my thoughts and convicted me that the message needed a follow-up. He said:

For most of my life, the majority of the messages I have heard about the Bible could fit into this three-point outline:

  • God is good.
  • You are not very good.
  • Do better.

Although I believe this outline to be a declaration of truth, I find that repeatedly declaring my shortcomings doesn’t necessarily help me “do better”.

In my years of ministering to women I have heard a broad range of confessions of women who knew they weren’t very good. Many of these women have confessed a vast chasm of sexual sin. They escape to another world of fantasy. Some would rather please themselves than be intimate with their husbands. Yet others have indulged in affairs. Many women are keeping secrets of the heart.

Maybe today you are burden with a sexual sin that is hidden. Maybe you want to get out but you have no idea how. I don’t want to leave you with another laundry list of your faults. I don’t want to pile more guilt on top of your shame. I don’t want to simply leave you the message “do better.” I want to tell you how.

Let me introduce you or possibly re-introduce you to Jesus.

As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

You may feel like the weight of pressure feels like a stoning. But Jesus can do the same for you as he did for this woman caught right in the act of adultery. He sparred her. He released her. He urged her to “sin no more.”

Jesus also said, “I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest” (John 10:10). You know, living vicariously through a book isn’t life to the fullest. Spending your thoughts day dreaming about a man who isn’t yours isn’t living life to the fullest. Giving your body away to man who is not your husband isn’t living life to the fullest. There is so much more that could be yours.

If these words are piercing your spirit, know this, the desire you have isn’t wrong. The desire to be loved, to share your life, and to be romanced isn’t a flawed desire. In fact those desires come from your Creator.

The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God’s vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships. In fact, this may be The most important thing we ever learn about God–the He yearns for relationship with us. “Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God” (John 17:3). The whole story of the Bible is a love story between God and His people. He yearns for us. He cares. He has a tender heart.- Stasci Eldredge Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul

The problem comes when you settle for a counterfeit version of love. Those cheap imitations will only leave you thirstier than when you arrived.

Remember what Jesus said, “I came so that YOU could have life- indeed, so that YOU could live life to the fullest.” If you want to experience the deepest love that this life has to offer it comes only through surrendering to the one who wrote the most intimate love story of all- Jesus. He is the one who rode in on a white horse and laid down his life for you. He will give you the love that you’ve always dreamed of. He alone can give you what your heart yearns for.

But how?

Jesus stands with his arms extended. Now it is up to you whether or not you will join yourself to Him. It is not about “doing better.” It is not about following a code of conduct or even modifying your behavior. It is about uniting yourself to a God big enough to fill all the holes in your heart.

  • God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. 1 Cor. 1:30
  • My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Gal. 2:20
  • And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes. Gal. 3:27
  • For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. Eph.2:6
  • Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. Phil. 3:8-9
Filed Under: Christ-followers & Culture, Womanhood Tagged With: , , , ,

Magic Mike or Tragic Mike? The Christian Woman and Her Entertainment

July 2, 2012 by 14 Comments

Ok, so I’m not exactly in the pop culture loop. I know you are surprised, right? But I have noticed here lately there seems to be a growing market for the desperate housewife types. From high-profile, raunchy novels to movies about male strippers, the world is offering women an outlet for their sexual frustration. “Oh to be kissed like THAT!” is the desire of our heart.

So can my Christian faith co-exist with this entertainment? Can my marriage remain unharmed by the influence of these types of pleasure?

I want to reference back to an article from a couple of weeks ago, on pornography.  Just as deadly as porn is to our holiness and our marriages, the seemingly more benign, culturally acceptable versions for women are as well. Do not be deceived. The enemy of your soul has laid his trap.

Let’s feminize Jesus’ teaching from Matthew 5:29-30:

But I say, any woman who even looks at,  reads a book about, or fantasizes about, a man with lust, who is not her husband, has already committed adultery with him in her heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.  -Jesus

That pretty well has the holiness covered. But the teachings of Jesus are full of similar admonitions. He simply desires your utmost purity of heart. He warns us:

“Don’t you understand either?” he asked. “Can’t you see that the food you put into your body cannot defile you? Food doesn’t go into your heart, but only passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer.” (By saying this, he declared that every kind of food is acceptable in God’s eyes.)

And then he added, “It is what comes from inside that defiles you. For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you.” Mark 7:18-23

I know that there are Christian women reading this who will scoff. They don’t want to give up their fun. I know them. I have even watched some of them fall. What is crazy to me about that verse in Mark 7 is that I used to separate all those fruits of the heart, as if they stood alone. But life has shown me that once the evil thoughts are allowed to penetrate one’s heart, the rest of those things will grow like interlocking thorns of the souls.

I have watched women who started reading the Cosmo sex articles and romance novels. Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do, but it wouldn’t go farther. But the discontentment with their ho-hum life filled with kids, chaos, bills, and less-than-studly husbands, became a struggle. The struggle within grew and the lies began to flow along with excuses to avoid being home. “I have to work late” or “It’s girl’s night out.” Those excursions led to propositions from other men at the bar or on the dance floor. Those propositions were deflected for a short time, but the way they made these women feel was exhilarating, like a real life romance novel. Eventually, the propositions were not refused until they found themselves in the bed of another man. Maybe after the first one-night stand, remorse followed. But even then, the pull to that life was stronger than the desire to be a wife and mother. The pride, greed, envy and slander and wickedness all worked together as the supporting cast for what ended in a full-blown affair. Adultery. Jesus pleads with us. He warns us that THIS is what will defile you.

So when you think that reading Shades of Grey or catching the late night viewing of Magic Mike are innocent fun. I beg you, think again.

Read the follow-up: Magic Mike or Tragic Mike? Part 2: How Do I Break the Chains of Sexual Sin?

Filed Under: Marriage, Womanhood Tagged With: , ,
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