November 2, 2012. The day I became a different person.
I don’t want to think of tomorrow as the day Azaiah would be two.
I want to think of tomorrow as the two year anniversary of meeting the boy who would soon transform me to my core.
This boy exhausted me from the beginning. I labored 24 hours to get him into my arms. I was desperately sick.
He came home and never wanted to be put down. He slept soundly laying next to me. He nursed through the night.
And then, he didn’t.
Then he was gone.
In my heartbreak, in my confusion, in my desperation, he did something I am eternally grateful for. He pointed me to my Savior.
I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16 years old. But Azaiah reintroduced me that man. Azaiah took me deeper. Azaiah brought me to the edge of heaven and whispered to me, “Its worth it.”
The next few days I will shed tears. My mortality will grieve. My arms will ache. My heart will yearn.
The next few days my spirit will rejoice. My faith will day dream of another world. My hope to go there too will carry me.
Azaiah, your mother loves you as much as I did the first day I met you.
Jesus, your daughter loves you so more than I did the first day I met you.
I have more work to do, but I’m coming. I will be there soon. Save me a seat at the feast.
Then I heard again what sounded like the shout of a vast crowd or the roar of mighty ocean waves or the crash of loud thunder:
“Praise the Lord!
For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns.
Let us be glad and rejoice,
and let us give honor to him.
For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb,
and his bride has prepared herself.
She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.”
For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people.
And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” And he added, “These are true words that come from God.” Rev. 19:6-9