Hi, I am Serena DeGarmo.
I have 7 children. Yes, by the same father.
My birth plan? Well, I had 7 epidurals, 6 vaginal births and one c-section.
I breast fed all my babies.
No, I do not use cloth diapers.
I do vaccinate.
Actually, we don't home school or public school.
My kids do chores.
Yes, I do let my kids make a lot of messes.
I expect them to clean up their messes.
I let my kids swing from trees and ride big wheels down big hills.
So have you ever felt like your last visit to a play group, mom’s day, or heaven forbid church, was more like an interview? You got hit with all the standard “what kind of mom are you” questions.
- How many kids do you have?
- Did you have any c-sections?
- Do you home school?
- Are you able to stay home with your kids?
Then there are those awkward moments when you offer someone’s kid a cup of kool-aid at snack time but it is quickly snatched away because it isn’t organic, has dye and too much sugar.
You were hoping to connect with some other women and have adult conversation but you got the third degree on your discipline style at the blocks center. While you were waiting on the changing table for your 3 year-old, you got the stink-eye from the mom who births potty trained debutantes.
It feels like other mom’s want to feel you out and see if you are their kind of mom before they invest too much time into you.
To be honest you were looking for the perfect match as well. You’ve been looking for your mom friend soul mate for a long time, but you just can’t find her. I mean how can you, a dedicated stay-at-home mom, have anything in common with a working mother who puts her kids in day care? How can you a passionate, talented, career driven mom carry on a conversation with a mom who wears yoga pants and spit up all day?
And so the dance goes on. We critique. We evaluate. We calculate. And we leave the dance alone.
So how can we mothers find mom friends and keep them?
For the love of motherhood, stop judging other moms.
What works for you and your kids isn’t the measuring stick of all things maternal and right. Why some of my best friends gave birth without an epidural and use bottles!
Different is good.
Have you been around those groups of women who sort of freak you out because their hair is all done the same? They are wearing 13 versions of the same skirt with folded down socks and Keds. It’s weird right?
It is nice to have some things in common but it is also nice to throw some different flavors in now and then. Expand your horizon. Different is good.
Isn’t that what we all crave? We want a cheerleader in our corner. We want someone who believes in us and our ability to raise non-delinquent children. Be that for someone else.
A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17
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