Let Me Keep My Pain

For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. 2 Cor 1:5

We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Rom. 5:3-5

As I type these words, I have not gone to bed yet on the day I buried my son. I ache. I am sore. I am anxious. I am weary. I suffer.

And as I suffer I have a request. I know you suffer with me. I know you want to speak words of comfort. But please don’t wish my pain away anymore. I need it.

I need the pain to know that Azaiah is my son. The pain speaks, “I am Azaiah’s mom.” If you take the pain, you take him. If you take the pain, you take my memories. If you take the pain, you leave me void and empty. Please let me keep my pain.

Let me keep my pain because in my suffering for Christ, I trust that God will shower his comfort on me. Let me keep my pain so that I can keep my hope in God’s ability to bring supernatural comfort.

Let me keep my pain because through my suffering God is producing perseverance. Through my suffering God is molding my character. Through my pain God is giving me a shameless hope as he pours out his Holy Spirit on me.

So as I grieve, please don’t wish you could take my pain. And please, just let me keep my pain.

Jan 10, 2013Serena

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Comments: 9

Amanda McMichael

12 years ago

Wow. Just wow. I’ve never thought of it this way. Praying for you sister.

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Ellen

12 years ago

I love you, Serena. I think you’re a wonderful, very insightful person, with a huge heart. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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Diane

12 years ago

Serena,
God has blessed you with wisdom – you are wise beyound your years. In your pain, you have given encouragement. In your pain, you have given insight. In your pain, you have given hope. And most of all, In your pain, you have given God so much glory. Thank you. I anxiously await the character that God molds through this trial you are facing. May God continue to provide you shelter & wisdom in this time of storm!!

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Kathy Kilgo Spraggins

12 years ago

Serena,
I am glad that you wrote this. I felt exactly the same way when I miscarried my baby. Thank you for putting it so simply and beautifully. Thinking of you and praying.

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Paul

12 years ago

Serena, that is wisely put – you «need» your pain. Indeed – this was what I was trying to convey when I said that many wish to change the subject when you speak of your loss. I understand completely because I needed my pain too and many – though well meaning – thought they would help if they steered me away from it. That was tantamount to saying that Stephanie didn’t really matter. I might offer that you ponder the words of a hymn:
Not now, but in the coming years,
It may be in the better land,
We’ll read the meaning of our tears,
And there, some time, we’ll understand.

Then trust in God through all the days;
Fear not, for He doth hold thy hand;
Though dark thy way, still sing and praise,
Some time, some time we’ll understand.

We’ll catch the broken thread again,
And finish what we here began;
Heav’n will the mysteries explain,
And then, ah then, we’ll understand.

Refrain

We’ll know why clouds instead of sun
Were over many a cherished plan;
Why song has ceased when scarce begun;
’Tis there, some time, we’ll understand.

Refrain

God knows the way, He holds the key,
He guides us with unerring hand;
Some time with tearless eyes we’ll see;
Yes, there, up there, we’ll understand.

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Serena
12 years ago
Thank you for sharing the piece of your story.
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Karita

12 years ago

Serena,
I felt the same when I lost my Dad. To me, the depth of my pain was a reflection of the depth of love that we shared. I continue to be willing to feel the pain of his loss, the loss of his beautiful voice and spirit and encouragement and humor because it reminds me of how much he loved me. In remembering how much my earthly father loved me, I am secure in the exponential love that my Heavenly Father has for me.

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