I am a Christian. I believe in heaven. I have planned everything in my adult life around the truth that Jesus is who he said he is. I have hope.
But sometimes… the hurt is so strong and the promises seem to far. And I just want my son.
Do you ever just want your “it” back? Your marriage back, your family back, your old life back? Do you feel guilty about those feelings because you are supposed to be walking in the promises of God? Are you ashamed to speak those desires of your heart because other people might think your faith is weak or your trust is lacking?
Sometimes I don’t want to burden other people, even my husband, with the nightmares in my head or the anxiety that plagues me when nighttime falls. So I just say, “I’m alright.” Today someone thanked me for being vulnerable. But I’m not sure if I’m so good at that or not.
What I do know is that it’s hard. And its even harder to act like its easy. And I know this- there’s a great blessing in saying so.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 12:9-10
So if you hear me crying a little more or see me retreating a little more or just not being perky, it’s Ok. I am going to be me. I am going to be me weak and frail and be glad about it because in that moment Christ’s power is given the spotlight. And I’m really OK with that.