“One of the things that makes a dead leaf fall to the ground is the bud of the new leaf that pushes it off the limb.” – Jan Karon
“I am sad because Azaiah died.” Eight days after his death, these were the first words my four-year-old daughter, Keila, spoke of her baby brother. She was playing on the floor beside me. Then she stopped and squeezed the pink teddy bear that she received at the funeral. “I am sad.” Yes, dear one, I am sad too.
The sadness comes in waves that feel as if they could crush my heart. Today as I opened the van door his absence stabbed me. The spot for his car seat was empty. I sat in his place, where I think he is supposed to be. I am sad.
I am sad. Deeply.
“One of the things that makes a dead leaf fall to the ground is the bud of the new leaf that pushes it off the limb.”
I have been in ministry with my husband for ten years. We have struggled to motivate believers. We have labored to reach lost souls. We have agonized over the body of Christ. Then Azaiah died.
These nine days have been revolutionary. God’s Spirit is stirring. God’s Spirit is transforming. God’s Spirit is regenerating life (Titus 3:5).
How do I know? Because his is fruit all over the place.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control… Gal. 5:22-23
Our fellowship is tighter. Our worship is unrestrained and our focus is more intent.
I have seen souls restore their hearts to true fellowship with Christ. I have witnessed men weeping as they confess the name of Jesus for the first time. I have watched surrendered spirits unite with their Savior in the waters of baptism (Gal. 3:27). After death, I have seen life.
Thank you God for making it mean something. Thank you for making sure my son did not die in vain. Oh God, thank you for making my son’s death matter. May I give it all back to you and make sure Your Son’s death matters too.