“I have had a tough couple days. I’m not even sure how to give voice to it in my prayers. Yesterday was sadness. Today is dullness.”
I sent that message to the ladies in my church about two weeks ago.
Grief sunk me on Mother’s Day. Then the sadness faded into pure, unadulterated dullness. I had no feeling, no energy, no prayers.
Usually prayer is what I do. Prayer for me is like my stream of consciousness. But not this time.
I was lifeless. Blah. Plain old nothing.
Then God used my back yard to teach me a very important lesson.
In the morning I usually sit at the kitchen table with my coffee and stare at the backyard. The bird feeders are open for business and the occasional squirrel is out for a morning acorn. It’s a special treat when my chipmunk, affectionately named Chippy by my husband, scurries out of his den.
Not this day. This day the back yard looked liked small forest animal exhibit at the zoo. The bird feeders buzzed like Grand Central Station. The squirrels were out in pairs looking for love. A pileated woodpecker, which are my absolute favorite bird, snacked on the retaining wall. Not only was Chippy out to play but so was Chippetta! Then a humming-bird flew up to a flower sticker one of my girls put on the widow and hovered for several seconds right in front of my face.
Life was happening all around me. Vibrant, active, divinely ordained life was on display for no one but me. It was amazing.
God showed me in that moment that when I am dull, He is not.
When I am lifeless, He is not.
When I am nothing, He is everything.
“But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
or speak to the earth, and it will teach you,
or let the fish in the sea inform you.
Which of all these does not know
that the hand of the Lord has done this?
In his hand is the life of every creature
and the breath of all mankind.” Job 12:7-10