Before the feminists get all up in arms about submission I just want to say submission is a quality that even you feminists do. You submit to each other and you submit to your icons like gods. It only becomes controversial when Christian women like me want to submit to our God and put it in the context of marriage. But let’s keep it real, we all submit to something.
Now the Bible says:
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Eph. 5:22
Guys, you may be in marriage where you want your wife to submit to you. You want her to respect you. You want her to trust you. You want her to follow your lead, but she just won’t. Let me guess, if you dare bring it up she goes a little loco on you. Her resistance makes it harder for you to take your place as the spiritual head of the family.
Instead of a marriage that full of mutual respect and support you are stuck in a power struggle and war of the wills on a daily basis. How do I know all this? Because it was me and my marriage.
Oh, I said I believed in submission but that really just meant I let him pay the bills. When it came down to it I didn’t even trust him to make a decision on where we were eating dinner. I certainly didn’t let him make decisions that would direct the course of our family spiritually.
That manifested itself in me doing everything so it would be right. I set the table right. I dressed the kids right. I told the kid’s bed time stories right. I taught the bible stories right. I even told him how to preach right. And if he did it wrong, I was by his side telling him how to do it right.
Are you married to a girl like the old me? Don’t lose heart. There is hope.
Don’t spank her
Physically, verbally or spiritually. Submission by anything but choice isn’t really submission. Do you remember what Jesus prayed in the garden before he was led to his trial and crucifixion? He said “Not my will but yours.” Jesus submitted his will to his Father on his own. He wasn’t bullied, guilted or strong-armed onto the cross. Wives can’t be bullied, guilted or strong-armed into submission in marriage either. It has to be a choice.
Partner with her
If you make marriage a competition we will compete. We might lose brawn contest, but we will show you we’ve got the brains, skill and savvy everywhere else. So don’t compete. Applaud her strengths and treat her like your equal.
She may be weaker than you are, she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. 1 Pet. 3:7
We get judged by our looks or lack of looks our whole lives. Men stare at our boobs. We get hit on and spit on. The moment we speak up to defend ourselves we get the “B” word slapped in our face.
We come into marriage with some of our defense armor still intact. The way through that shell is to honor us, value us and treat us like something more than a sex toy.
Husbands must give honor to your wives. 1 Pet. 3:7
We also come into marriage already wounded by the world. We come with father’s who abandoned us, boyfriends who used us and perpetrators who violated us. We come with emotions bruised. We come with hormones raging. We come under attack from the enemy. Please understand that and be patient.
Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. 1 Pet. 3:7
Love her like Jesus
Many of us come into marriage feel unloved and unworthy. We believed the lies that backed us into a corner. At the end of the day we really don’t trust that you really love us either. Prove us wrong.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. Eph. 5:25-30