I just watched a little Youtube video that has fired up my passion for this topic. From the time I was a Christian single to now that I mentor Christian singles, the question has been asked hundreds of times. I’ve even asked it a few times myself.
How far is too far?
Holding hands? Kissing? French Kissing? Laying together? Snuggling with clothes on? Body to body contact? What about just talking about what we want to do “someday” when we are married? What about flirty texts or pictures? Oral sex? How much CAN I do and not sin?
Let’s start with the heart of that question. I mean, do we ask the question, How close can I get to murder and not sin? Can I fight and beat them to a near death? Can I fantasize about murder? Really.
Should the question be how close to sin can I get? Or should we be asking how can I get closer to God? How can I guard my heart and live a God-glorifying life? How can I guard my heart from sin? How can I be a woman of God who does everything she can to guard the hearts of men?
So let’s go on from here assuming that we know sin leads to death and we don’t want to die or cause someone else to die (Rom. 6:23).
1. Purpose in your heart what kind of woman you want to be.
The book of Proverbs describes two kinds of women:
My son, obey your father’s commands…their corrective discipline is the way to life. It will keep you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of a promiscuous woman. Don’t lust for her beauty.Don’t let her coy glances seduce you... Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire? Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? …He who embraces her will not go unpunished.
So she seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery. He followed her at once,like an ox going to the slaughter. He was like a stag caught in a trap,awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart. He was like a bird flying into a snare. (from Proverbs 6-7)
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her,and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm,all the days of her life…She is clothed with strength and dignity…
When she speaks, her words are wise,and she gives instructions with kindness. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done.Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. (from Proverbs 31)
There is no neutral. In your heart to have you determine and purpose to be “a woman who fears the Lord”? If not, you may be setting yourself up to be the “immoral woman.” Trust me.
2. Understand your body is the dwelling place of God.
But the body is not for sexual sin. The body is for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body… Surely you know that your bodies are parts of Christ himself. So I must never take what is part of Christ and join it to a prostitute! The Scriptures say, “The two people will become one.” So you should know that anyone who is joined with a prostitute becomes one with her in body. But anyone who is joined with the Lord is one with him in spirit…
So if you commit sexual sin, you are sinning against your own body. You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit that you received from God and that lives in you. You don’t own yourselves. God paid a very high price to make you his. So honor God with your body. (1 Cor. 6)
When you sin with your body you are joining Jesus to your sin. The thought of that makes me nauseous. I hate that I did that. I hate that I dishonored my Lord with my careless, selfish sin. Sin that he gave his life to ransom me from. He allowed men to spill his blood to purify me. All he asks is for me to honor him with this body in return.
3. Lust is the line you don’t want to cross.
Sometimes I think we want lines drawn so we KNOW what we can and can’t do. But the way of Christ isn’t like that. The way of Christ is a faith of the heart, purity and a desire to be holy. We do that not to be saved, but as a response from the heart of one who has been saved.
One line I can draw is that where lust begins so does sin.
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Mt. 5:28)
As a married woman who has a very honest husband, the lust line is a lot closer than most of think.
4. Make a purposeful sacrifice.
One day you may be married. The guy you are with may not be him. So when you do present your body to your husband, do you want it to have another man’s hand prints all over it? What message does that send your husband? I will tell you what message it sent mine. As a young man he believed he wasn’t worth the sacrifice. Satan used that and spun a web of lies that held us in captivity for a long time. We started off with a tremendous hill of sin to climb because of me.
We are training our daughters to guard their heart and body so that they can give it over to the man God chooses one day, pure.
5. Plan Boundaries
If any situation leads to lust, which honestly doesn’t take long for sexually deprived singles, stop it! Jesus said if you lust it’s better to cut off your offending hand and pluck out your eye (Mt. 5:29-30).
Paul said if it leads to sexual sin run away FAST! (1 Cor. 6:18). The point is we need to take radical steps to prevent sin or stop sin after it begins, which is a lot harder!
Some boundaries/lack of boundaries that I know have led Christians into sin:
- Getting serious too fast
- Watching movies in the dark
- Extended time alone
- Late nights alone
- Spending the night together
- Sexual jokes
- Road trips
- “Innocent” physical contact (sitting on his lap, massaging, tickling, etc)
You might think those are crazy. Jesus said a walk with him is crazy.
6.The Stakes are eternal.
Sexual impurity will keep you from heaven.
Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men… (1 Cor. 6:9)
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Heb. 13:4)
“Choose this day whom you will serve.” Will it be the god of your flesh? Or the God of holiness?
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